Thursday, April 19, 2012


Isabel...our angel...her daddy's "Peanut"
So this one has been building for a few days now...and I think it must be about time...funny how God seems to put all of these people in our paths...and each builds on to the lessons we are learning.  The other night the Firecracker and I were sitting at the kitchen...nope not table...counter...she was eating something not even sure what we were doing...but we got off on discussion like we sometimes do to which she says..."who you dad?"  I reply, "Hoopee".   Firecracker, "Where him at?"  I reply, "Heaven".   Firecracker, "How tum?"   Me, "He died."   "Why" I am asked.   "He had cancer", I tell her.   "Who your Mom?"   "Granny", I say.   "Where her at?"  "Heaven."   "Why?"   "She died?"    "How tum?"   I tell her, "she got sick."   So she changes to, "Where my dad?"   "Heaven" I tell her?   "How tum?" she says.  I say, "He died".   To which this continues and she says, "Why?"   I tell her, "I don't know."    And just as soon as the conversation ends. 

This little girl seems wise beyond her years as though she knows stuff that some of us aren't privy to.  Perhaps a gift from God.  I was talking with my friend Mary and we talked about how little ones are not inhibited by what they are not supposed to know or think...   She has this thing of being very upset if she doesn't get to give kisses and hugs goodbye...a strong lesson to learn before your third birthday.   A lesson in which some spend a lifetime and never learn...that we really do not know each time if it will be the last time we say goodbye...wouldn't you have rather said it with a kiss and a hug!

So the next morning after our discussion about Heaven the night before...I am back at the counter with one little Firecracker who is eating her special egg omelet burrito that I cut like a slice of pizza...okay Izzy was impressed.   Anyway I had not read my devotionals and so I grab the Jesus Calling.  I must say that I so love this which Izzy asks about it and so I ask if she wants me to read it out loud and she replies "yes."    And so I do not know what it is about and so I start to read out loud...Jesus Calling by Sarah Young for April 14:

"HEAVEN IS both present and future.  As you walk along your life-path holding My hand, you are already in touch with the essence of heaven: nearness to Me.  You can also find many hints of heaven along your pathway, because the earth is radiantly alive with My Presence.  Shimmering sunshine awakens your heart, gently reminding you of My brilliant Light.  Birds and flowers, trees and skies evoke praises to My holy Name.  Keep your eyes and ears fully open as you journey with Me.
At the end of your life-path is an entrance to heaven.  Only I know when you will reach the destination, but I am preparing you for it each step of the way.  The absolute certainty of your heavenly home gives you Peace and Joy, to help you along your journey.  You know that you will reach your home in My perfect timing; not one moment too soon or too late.  Let the hope of heaven encourage you, as you walk along the path of Life with Me."

1 Corinthians 15:20-23

New King James Version (NKJV)

The Last Enemy Destroyed

20 But now Christ is risen from the dead, and has become the firstfruits of those who have fallen asleep. 21 For since by man came death, by Man also came the resurrection of the dead. 22 For as in Adam all die, even so in Christ all shall be made alive. 23 But each one in his own order: Christ the firstfruits, afterward those who are Christ’s at His coming. 
Hebrews 6:19
New King James Version (NKJV)
19 This hope we have as an anchor of the soul, both sure and steadfast, and which enters the Presence behind the veil,

I am not going to lie when I say I had a lump and a shakiness in my throat and even tears as I am  reading this out loud to one little girl who knows more than she should about Heaven and dying...I think of her daddy and how we miss Jay...but it gives such a comfort.   And so I am sure that this was written just for this time and this place...HEAVEN...and I ponder...but no the Lord was not done sharing with me yet.  

I let a special friend...Amber...used to be Lyons but now she is Doak... know that her and her mama had been at my kitchen table...I guess my way of saying God had put them on my heart and mind.  Amber's mom, Linda, had fought the fight with cancer...and she fought hard...but Linda always seemed tough.   We had many good times when our kids were growing up...many a volleyball game we watched together and though we lost touch after the kids were older...there is still a connection that is there...So as Linda passed away on April 14th...I had asked Amber if she had read the Jesus Calling.  I had hoped it would maybe be some sort of comfort...even though words really cannot take the pain away...but we can pray that those suffering loss will find some peace!   I remember the sunrise that morning that I had thought of began with a redness...a pain almost but it continued on until it was burning a bright ball of fire...and I thought of heaven!

And so Amber replies to me and tells of how on Saturday how she could not sleep and so she reads in the Jesus Calling and her words to me are just another reminder of how God is with us..."As much of Saturday is a blur I was restless that night in sleep. So I got the Jesus Calling book and read Sundays readings. Then I thought to look at Saturday. As soon as I saw heaven the tears began to flow. He knew the plan way before I did. I have re-read Saturday's scriptures everyday. I guess I find it comforting to know that He put those there for a reason."
I so admire Amber's faith in her young age through all of this...and there is a song that I will not hear ever again...without thinking of Amber and her mama Linda.   I think of tracking the battle...hoping Linda would make it through the holidays...then seeing she got to see and hold Amanda's baby...and I smile...and think how much she loved her kids...and so I include the song I think of them..."I Will Praise You in the Storm" by Casting Crowns...

But that is not the part of Amber's that touched me as much as her talking of her son...she told me, "Thursday before I left for work Kaden said, "mom I'm sad. I'm sad because Oma is gonna die and go to heaven and we wont see her anymore."  I held back the tears and said you're right but we can still talk to her. Then he says mom you kiss your mom and tell her you love her and goodbye. So I do as I was instructed to by my soon to be 4yr old. Then Saturday comes and my kids were sent with my in laws that morning. When I saw Kaden that night he looks at me and says, "mom did Oma die?" I reply yes she did. He says today? Yes. He says are you sad? Don't be sad it'll be okay. Maybe he's what God sent for me to help me not feel so sad."

And I think out of the mouths of Babes!!   I think of the joy that these little ones bring us...and it makes me think of another song that I love that I think of Heather and Isabel...but I think also of Kaden and Amber...God gives us many different people in our lives...people we need to remember to be thankful for.

I think of talking to a cousin who lost his mom and how his words touched me...his mom Phyllis was one of those amazing people...I think of her often at my kitchen table...but I loved his words, "I dreamed about my mom the other night. I do that every once-in-a-while. I'm sure this time it was from feeling all the stress - she was such a rock for me in hard times. I guess she still is, just in my dreams now."

Another cousin Wendy Sue posted this on facebook, "How cool this is.... Long years ago I did this quote in embroidery for my mother in love Neta Hoyle because it was one of her favorites ...and showing up now is amazing ..
Also won a certificate last night from Platte Furniture and she had worked there too for a lot of years! Mom Hoyle I feel like you are close and that is a good feeling ....~~~♥"

And I think how close some of those that have gone on before us feel...I don't understand the whole thing but I feel they are gifts from God...unique ways of comfort to each of us...Oh there are many stories that I could share...but I think of a song that our friend Tyler said I might like...thank you.  You were correct... I do Ty.  It just seems like one I should include here...perhaps something to think about before we do go to Heaven...God has us "Wait" in many ways...

And so finally I end this with a picture I took on that Saturday...I called it Linda's sunset...and I think of her family as they will lay her to rest and I pray for their Peace...was funny as I was at my kitchen table this morning the reading was on Peace and when I was about to finish, I was given the word Shalom...I do not know this word really and do not know what it means so I look it up and it is a Hebrew word meaning Peace...but it also says Hello and Goodbye...and so SHALOM...just seems like it should go with HEAVEN!!


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