Thursday, April 21, 2011


Mason and Peyton does that say springtime and Joy or what!
So there is a new project that is being worked on in my life right now...That would be Project Joy!

The other day as I was driving to a later time than should be....BUT ANYWAY this preacher was on the radio...he was one of those that just wants to make you jump up and say Amen!   Anyway he was just PREACHING it you might say.   But he talked of how the devil steals things from us...and he said don't let him steal your JOY!  With all that is going on in my life and those I love...I don't think it a coincidence I heard these words and I think they were meant to share!  With Easter coming we should all be Joyful!

So that is my prayer for all of you today!   JOY!  God Bless You and I love you!

Rejoice in the Lord always [delight, gladden yourselves in Him]; again I say, Rejoice! Philippians 4:4


Sunday, April 17, 2011

Woo Hoo!

Yes that would be me shouting relief that I have finished my taxes!   I am not going to lie I am thankful for the extra days...for those of you that do not know why, it is Emancipation Day in Washington D.C.    Therefore, I got a couple extra days.   As most of you know...I am a PROcrastinator....I am no rookie to this crastinating stuff!!!   

However, I am wanting to work on this organization stuff.   I really need to get my "house" (house being me, my actual house, and any other houses I might have) in order.   The other day in my "God Calling" devotion it spoke of calm...but it also said:
"Pray about all, but concentrate on a few things until those are accomplished.  I am watching over you.  Strength for your daily, hourly task is provided."
How did they know that I don't focus well!   But then the NEXT day I also read in My Utmost For His Highest by Oswald Chambers...and some may say that we don't hear things in so many ways...sometimes things we aren't all that hip on anyway it says...
"If in a prayer meeting God has shown you something to do, don't say--'I'll do it'; 'do it!   Take yourself by the scruff of the neck and shake off your incarnate laziness."
Needless to taxes have been being used as an excuse not to get other things done!    So now I have this one out of the way and so...time to get busy.   I have some writing I want to do.   On my heart right now is a special book..."tell me...ABOUT MY DADDY".     I am hoping to get stories from others to include in it.  But it is one I want to work on and am excited to get going on it!   So if you have any stories...I would love to have them.   Stories of laughter, stories of love, stories of anything that would be something for a little girl to know more about her daddy.  

So I spent extra time at my kitchen table this morning...seemed to have lots to catch up on or just time there...but was interesting because I came to Psalm 92:13-15 and so I wrote it down...later I was looking at old journal entries and sometimes I look back to a year ago...Okay I had put 92:13-15 among others...but I had been lead to this a year ago to the day and also you think I am supposed to take something from it.   But in my Living Bible it reads:
"For they are transplanted into the Lord's own garden, and are under His personal care.  Even in old age they will still produce fruit and be vital and green.  This honors the Lord, and exhibits His faithful care.  He is my shelter.  There is nothing but goodness in Him!"
But what I take from this is "producing fruit and being vital and green in old age"...maybe I am feeling a little old!   But perhaps the feeling of vital and green appeals to me so much this time of year!   I think there are things that I need to be doing and so I think of getting myself by the scruff of the neck and getting to it!   So I have this need that there are things I need to do and yes some things I want to do...and I have been reminded all too well that we really do not know how much time we have!   Another thing I came across this morning was from an older writing but it was James 4:14:
"How do you know what is going to happen tomorrow?  For the length of your lives is as uncertain as the morning fog--now you see it , soon it is gone."
So I am not trying to focus on so many WHY's?   That can take up a lot of time...time I may or may not instead I am trying to figure out more important things...NO not why do I have to figure taxes!!   Again that's a WHY...I know it is a glitch in my make up!   I have been told by some that I ask way too many questions!!!

It appears that this has been quite the bike ride.  (If you are new to my blogging...I refer to my lack of focus as bike riding...there's a joke that goes with it).    I might have been rambling a tad the other day and I said no really I'm not on sinus medicine.   But my cousin Vonnie tells me that "sinus medicine for me is like putting a turbo on my bike."   Probably another good reason for me to stay away from artificial stimulants!!  But hoping to get over whatever this is but seems to be a lot of people dealing with it.   The "shepherd" and I just hung out today and covered the bare necessities...watched a movie and just coughed together...

My kids were taking in the big city of Fort Collins...hope they all had a good time.   I had told Lance to be safe and have fun but not too much fun and he starts quoting a song about can't have too much fun.   And so that was my hope for them all...I think they were due a little time having TOO MUCH FUN!!

Soooo I guess I will sign off and thanks for going on the bike ride with me!   Really I am going to get busy...quit putting off things....just as soon yeah maybe I am a little nuts...but speaking of nuts...I have this picture from the other day hanging out with Firecracker...was so cute watching her study this squirrel...wanna ride a bike...

So have a great week all of you...and here's to hoping we make the most of it...whatever the most might be!!  And you know I say why don't you just plan in your schedules some time for "TOO MUCH FUN!"


Tuesday, April 12, 2011


That's what Firecracker has said for a long time and before she could get the words out her Aunt Autumn had showed her sign language for More More...And so when one is under the influence of blooming elm trees, and whatever else is out there, winds, and the parts of spring I forget about until the new year comes around...and add some meds...please excuse the parts of this that makes no sense at all!   (hush some of you--I know what you are thinking!!)

Anyway this past weekend was a good one.   My kids came home Friday night after P-Pa and I had got to hang with Izzy.   I had a meeting and so left for part of it...but P-Pa and the Iz did just fine.  Only 3 pants changes...they had to feed goats...water flowers...and then take a big long nap.

P-Pa and to take care of the goats...but the song later makes me think of their hands...

And I had thought this would be about something completely different from what it seems to be taking the other one will have to come at another time...

So like I said I am not feeling so hot today...and I take a break from here and go into my kitchen table.   I read the devotions and take pieces from them.   God Calling by Two Listeners and edited by A.J. Russell which I have mentioned before is words that two women listeners seem to take as hearing from God...but I find comfort when it says:

April 12 - Golden Opportunity

I am your Guide. Strength and help will come to you; just trust Me wholly.
Fear not. I am evermore ready to hear than you to ask. Walk in My ways, and know that help will come.
Man's need is God's chance to help. I love to help and save. Man's need is God's golden opportunity for him of letting his faith find expression. That expression of faith is all that God needs to manifest His Power. Faith is the Key that unlocks the storehouse of God's resources.
My faithful servants, you long for perfection and see your bitter failures. I see faithfulness, and as a mother takes the soiled, imperfect work of her child and invests it with perfection because of the sweet love, so I take your poor faithfulness and crown it with perfection.
"Now unto him that is able to do exceeding abundantly above all that we
ask or think, according to the power that worketh in us." Ephesians 3:20
And I write...Let my faith find expression.  Help me to find my faith!   So I go to "My Utmost" devotional and it talks of "We have to keep letting go and slowly and surely the great full life of God will invade us in every part."   But it has a scripture from Romans vi.9-11.   I love how he references using Roman numerals...those of you that are after the Roman numeral age...that is vi=6.  But it says:

"Death hath no more dominion over that He liveth, He liveth unto God.   Likewise reckon ye also yourselves to be dead indeed unto sin, but alive unto God."
So I feel called to go to Romans...and I open my Living Bible to Romans 8 that seems to have plenty underlined.  But first I see in Romans 8:23:

"We, too, wait anxiously for that day when God will give us our full rights as His children, including the new bodies He has promised us--bodies that will never be sick again and will never die."
I don't know about you but today the way I am feeling I think can I get an AMEN on that one!!   I just keep searching for the Why's?   The What should I?   Anything that will give me answers...and I seem to find MORE MORE...Right above this says in Romans 8:18-21:

"Yet what we suffer now is nothing compared to the glory He will give us later.   For all creation is waiting patiently and hopefully for that future day when God will resurrect His children.  For on that day thorns and thistles, sin, death, and decay--the things that overcame the world against its will at God's command--will all disappear, and the world around us will share in the glorious freedom from sin which God's children enjoy."
I have such a visual with that...perhaps being in an area that is now filled with thistles that these winds keep blowing...and that one alone gives me hope for a new day not even considering the thistles, sin, death, and decay part!   And I breathe in these words and cling to them in hope.   But as always there is MORE for me so I read on to the part that is underlined.   And this one speaks to me as it has so many times before and I am sure it will speak to many others!  Romans 8:26-28:
"And in the same way--by our faith--the Holy Spirit helps us with our daily problems in our praying.  For we don't even know what we should pray for, nor how to pray as we should; but the Holy Spirit prays for us with such feeling that it cannot be expressed in words.  And the Father who knows all hearts knows of course, what the Spirit is saying as he pleads for us in harmony with God's own will.  And we know that all that happens to us is working for our good if we love God and are fitting into His plans."
 And you know me...of course I question as I see GOOD.  I wonder how can good happen but it doesn't say that all that happens is good...but I still struggle with this and so read on...but while I am writing this I put on music as I sometimes do and of course like so many times there is a song that so touches my heart.  I have put a link to this song...but the words just touch me so in this song "Your Hands" sung by JJ Heller:

Your Hands By JJ Heller
I have unanswered prayers
I have trouble I wish wasn't there
And I have asked a thousand ways
That You would take my pain away
That You would take my pain away

I am trying to understand
How to walk this weary land
Make straight the paths that crookedly lie
Oh Lord, before these feet of mine
Oh Lord, before these feet of mine

When my world is shaking
Heaven stands
When my heart is breaking
I never leave Your hands

When You walked upon the Earth
You healed the broken, lost, and hurt
I know You hate to see me cry
One day You will set all things right
Yea, one day You will set all things right

When my world is shaking
Heaven stands
When my heart is breaking
I never leave Your hands

Your hands
Your hands that shape the world
Are holding me, they hold me still
Your hands that shape the world
Are holding me, they hold me still

When my world is shaking
Heaven stands
When my heart is breaking
I never leave You when...

When my world is shaking
Heaven stands
When my heart is breaking
I never leave...
I never leave Your hands

So I come to the end of my reading and of course it catches my eye with the sheep and all...but Romans 8:36-39:
"No, for the Scriptures tell us that for His sake we must be ready to face death at every moment of the day--we are like sheep awaiting slaughter; but despite all this, overwhelming victory is ours through Christ who loved us enough to die for us.  For I am convinced that nothing can ever separate us from His love.  Death can't, and life can't.  The angels won't, and all the powers of hell itself cannot keep God's love away.  Our fears for today, our worries about tomorrow, or where we are--high above the sky, or in the deepest ocean--nothing will ever be able to separate us from the love of God demonstrated by our Lord Jesus Christ when He died for us."
And though I have always felt this as my faith...I realize the urgency...that none of us know how many days we have.   I think that those who are facing cancer, those who are in law enforcement as Jay was, soldiers, firemen, they all are faced daily with this truth...but when it comes down to any of us really know the moment of the day.   On that "Wednesday" during the day with no idea of what awaited me that night, I had a discussion with my friend Mary and it was a very deep discussion for a lunch time chat.   But I remember getting overtaken with emotion in thinking that I felt this need to share Jesus with others.  That I did not want any of those I loved to have to face the pits of hell.  That I did not want them to look at me and say "why didn't you tell me!"    And so I share that now and I know not why...but as I said this blog was taken over a long time I just write!    But now instead of thistles I think of...grass greening up, of flowers blooming, of EASTER and the true meaning that though Christ died on the cross He rose again and that there is light and hope and of course LOVE!  

So know that all that I say comes from Love and I thank you for your listening.   God be with you and give you MORE...MORE!

(And as I leave...say a pray for me...because NO MY TAXES ARE NOT DONE!!!)


Friday, April 8, 2011


This one is another that has been on the shelf but after this morning's reading...I pull it off and decide to finish.  As I am sure you can guess...I still struggle with the WHY'S...Why must we lose one so young?   One with such a good heart?    And so at my kitchen table this morning I am going through the WHY'S and I open up my Living Bible to John 13.   And there underlined is v. 34-35:

"And so I am giving a new commandment to you now--love each other just as much as I love you.  Your strong love for each other will prove to the world that you are my disciples."
And so I keep reading and there underlined as well is 14:6:
"Jesus told him, 'I am the Way--yes and the Truth and the Life.  No one gets to the Father  except by means of Me."
And then again underlined is 14:18:
"No I will not abandon you or leave you as orphans in the storm--I will come to you."
And this one I think of my Dad and how he always seemed to be one to care for widows and orphans...and I have a sadness because my daughter and granddaughter are without a husband and a daddy.   But I seem to keep reading as though there is more for me.   I try to take comfort that it says I WILL NOT ABANDON YOU!!!    And this begins the tie into the BROTHERHOOD...because God and Jay worked on building a brotherhood of men that would stand in for him and I have some pictures that I will include but know that there are so many more that are standing there as well.   At the funeral there is a picture I cherish of Izzy walking hand in hand with Grandad and P-Pa and they are each holding a hand letting her walk...but if she chooses to be lifted they each lift her up and this seemed to say so much to me that I know both these men will be there for Jay's girls!

But I go back to my reading and this is the part that brought the tears....but touched my heart.   I have read John before and though I know that I have so much to learn this one took on such a newness.  Because underlined again...I know that I have read this before and underlined all of these because they said something to me at least one time or another...but I do not remember why...but it read in John 15:10-11...
"When you obey me you are living in my love, just as I obey my Father and live in His love.  I have told you this so that you will be filled with my joy.  Yes, your cup of joy will overflow!"
And I think about how it is hard to have JOY right now...but it is no longer underlined but I read on and 15:12 says:
"I demand that you love each other as much as I love you."
And so I keep reading and copying to my journal as though an urgency that I want to know more and there is 15:13...
 "And here is how to measure it--"
So I continue writing as though this is all new and I do not read ahead until I come to this and I stop in my tracks and yes....have a few tears.  Because I am wondering HOW DO YOU MEASURE?   And right there it finishes:
"the greatest love is shown when a person lays down his life for his friends;"
And though this makes you think of Christ...I also feel that it is talking of Jay as well...that in choosing the career he chose, there are many a time that these individuals are willing to put their life on the line for others...sometimes for ones they have never met!   So this is even more where the "brotherhood" connects and I pick up where I started writing prior...

I said that Jay had two families...and that he did...his birth and marriage family...but also his brotherhood of law enforcement family.   It is an amazing thing to behold the connection between these men and women...a bond that many never get to experience or even observe close up.   (But a bond that we should all take note of...that we build a bond with our "brothers'.)

Jay gave some of his fellow "brother's" a "challenge coin" that had the following prayer...coincidence...I don't think so!   And these men were joined by many others vowing to be there for Jay's wife and child.  The words written were as follows:

"When I start my tour of duty God,
Wherever crime may be,
as I walk the darkened streets alone,
Let me be close to Thee.
Please give me understanding with both the young and old.
Let me listen with attention until their story's told.
Let me never make a judgment in a rash or callous way,
but let me hold my patience let each man have his say.
Lord if some dark and dreary night,
I must give my life,
Lord, with your everlasting love
protect my children and my wife." 
It was important for Jay to share this...and then when we were looking for Jay's coin to get the wording from it for the funeral...we could not find it.  The Chief loaned his and offered to let Heather have it...but she said Jay doesn't need his anymore...
So I leave this with pictures I have accumulated of the different men in Izzy's life and Heather's life that I know will be there as well as many that I do not have the pictures of...I have taken on a new and different respect for this "brotherhood" that come together for each other.   I continue to be amazed of the outpouring of support given.    I see the fundraiser in Lafeyette that none of them knew Jay but they wanted to make a difference and so in providing oil changes and ice cream to others...they gave their many giving food and money...someone giving hay for the heart though hurting is filled with a joy that there is good out there.   We tend to focus on the bad and negative and don't get me wrong there is a lot there...but there is a lot of very special loving people that do try to make a difference!   And to these individuals...thank you...thank you for being there...for proving there is good...for showing such a strong love to others...

This picture shows the pain of not just my girls but that of a "brother".   Jake Herrera was in pain from overcoming his own hospital stay as well as losing a friend.  But this picture reminds me of how he wanted to be there for Heather but also how she wanted to take care of one of Jay's "brother's"...and so they hurt together...
(Photo taken by Aaron Ontiveroz Denver Post

Another "brother"....Russell Lengel...standing by if needed...(another Denver Post photo)

I'm sure you all can guess how much I think of this guy...Michael Yowell...and the day of the funeral he sat with little Izzy and this definitely is one of those moments I will take and tuck away in my heart...

A happier time...Heather and Jay had taken Izzy "trick or treating" and I seen the "brotherhood" as we spent quite a bit of time at each house just "STS" :)...but Chief Yowell was on duty and took time to come and talk to a little "Tigger".   Something he continues to do...Another treasured memory...

This one I had to put both pics because the one says I'll take care of you and you take care of me...but the other says ya we'll give you a smile but we're playing here.   Love that Tyler Yowell too!

Oh these two have a bond indeed...Love that Granddad!  Do you notice who holds his heart...

P-pa giving Izzy some of Ricco's chocolate cake...there could be some spoiling going on here!  This Grandpa thinks he is solely responsible for spoiling this little girl rotten.   After all she and her mama are his princesses...

Uncle "La La" loves this little girl!

Uncle Shane ("Bob" :) above getting help with his birthday gift.   I know Uncle Shane will be there with plenty of stories for Izzy about her daddy!

and "Great Grand" Uncle Shane playing with bubbles and balloons!

And like I said there is so many I didn't have pictures of...Wes, Andy, Dylan, Josh, Reeder, and so many other special friends.   I will quit listing but there are so very many and know how much you are appreciated!

As always I am touched by music and pictures...there is a song out by Rascal Flatts that just makes me think of first how God will be there...but then I also see in my mind all the officers standing up and I see these pictures of these special men and I hear these words sung by all and I feel a presence of Jay watching over as well...and so the words of  "I Won't Let Go" say...  (Listen to I Won't Let Go

"It's like a storm
That cuts a path
It breaks your will
It feels like that
You think you're lost
But you're not lost on your own,
You're not alone

I will stand by you,
I will help you through
When you've done all you can do
and you can't cope
I will dry your eyes,
I will fight your fight
I will hold you tight
and I won't let go

It hurts my heart to see you cry
I know its dark this part of life
Oh it find us all and we're too small
to stop the rain
Oh but when it rains

I will stand by you,
I will help you through
When you've done all you can do
and you can't cope
I will dry your eyes,
I will fight your fight
I will hold you tight
and I won't let you fall

Don't be afraid to fall
I'm right here to catch you
I won't let you down
It won't get you down
You're gonna make it
I know you can make it

Cause I will stand by you,
I will help you through
When you've done all you can do
and you can't cope
I will dry your eyes,
I will fight your fight
I will hold you tight
and I won't let go

Oh I'm gonna hold you
and I won't let go
Won't let you go
No I won't"

This song didn't just stand out to me but I am sure many others...a friend used it on her blog as well....

And don't get me wrong....there are plenty of women standing by as well....but that is another I end this as I one another...I love you!

So I am sorry if I still seem to be writing a little sad but still processing..I pray for strength...and I hear the words of Chief Yowell..."Strong in--Strong out."   Somedays I just repeat that to myself....but here is to JoY and so I share a picture of Jay and a "best man" (Gordan Nall) and I raise a toast to all the "brothers"...Thank you and God bless!   I learned a new acronym "EOW" is end of watch...but I feel that Jay and God are still watching over us.

Okay I still smile thinking about these two!  A so much younger looking Jay but good times with good friends!