Thursday, October 31, 2013

Gone Gone Gone...Love never ends...

Today was well I call them Jay Bird days...days that Jay Sheridan is so in my thoughts...this morning I had on the Today show and was listening to the mother of Jessie Lewis...I copy part of the article ( )

It’s been almost a year since Adam Lanza entered Sandy Hook Elementary school in Newtown on Dec. 14, 2012, and shot and killed 20 children and six adults. The students in Victoria Soto’s classroom hid in a corner and held hands, but 6-year-old Jesse Lewis stayed at his teacher’s side. After Lanza shot and killed Soto, his gun jammed. That's when Lewis yelled for his classmates to run, according to law enforcement. That allowed six of them to escape before Lanza reloaded, shot and killed Lewis.
“The story changed a little bit over the ensuing months for the investigation but ultimately we learned that Jesse used his last moments on earth to call out to his friends and yell to them to run, and they ran because of what he said and he saved their life,’’ Jesse’s mother, Scarlett Lewis, told Matt Lauer on TODAY Wednesday. “I knew when I was waiting at the firehouse, and it was looking like he wasn’t coming back, I knew that he had done something brave, so I wasn’t surprised.”
Scarlett Lewis has written a new book, “Nurturing, Healing Love,” about her experience with the tragedy (read an excerpt here). She admitted to Lauer that she wishes he had run away with the other children, but understands why he decided to yell for them to get to safety instead.
“I believe that Jessie was put on this earth to do what he did, and I believe that he fulfilled his purpose, and I’m proud of him,’’ Lewis said. “I believe that he left a message for me (about) nurturing, healing love, and I am trying to fulfill mine.”

When I heard her words...that she believed her son was put on this earth to do what he did...I did think of Jay...and thought of my own I doing what I was put on this earth to do or do I get distracted and forget my focus?  

As I was working in my office...there were all kinds of robins out my window.   Does one know how hard it is for me to focus...much less when so much is going on!   

Can't really see them all real clear...but I am sure they were feasting on the berries...but though I love some robins that was not the part that got me...I was working away minding my own business well as much as I  mind my own business...However, I was taking some messages off of my phone.  In listening to my messages, I had ones from March 2009...messages before...messages after...Phillip Phillips was singing Gone Gone Gone as I listened when all of a sudden I was stirred by a type of bird I had not seen before.    He flew right up to the window and just continued to hammer on it.   As though definitely a Selah stop and think of this.   I know some say there she goes talking of her birds I do not think people come as birds...but I do think God uses so many things around us to just stop and stop and give thanks...a reminder to stop and stop and give thanks.    BUT back to the bird I was just taken aback by the bright orange collar.   Yes orange is the color that always makes me think of Jay.

I described the bird to Mary and I seen it go my window and so I went outside.   I told her I thought it was a woodpecker.   But I had never seen one quite like it.   She said that her mother-in-law called some birds Flickers...though of the woodpecker family, I look up a pic and there is one at --a Northern Flicker!    I put in a pic because I was so fascinated and struck of how it just stayed at my window pecking on it trying to almost get my attention...

I wish I would have got a picture of the one I seen...but I didn't have the snow on my window.   And it just all seems to be little reminders of love that stays with us...and I think back of the song that came on  "I love you long after you're gone gone gone."     And though those we love...the Jay's and Jesse's are gone in how we of them...I choose to say their love...their love from GOD for others...continues to stay with us if we choose to just feel it. 

I go to the link of the excerpt from the book written by Jesse's mother...Scarlet Lewis...Nurturing Healing Love...a book I would like to read.   A story that inspires me to want to write.

"That single act of anger and violence on December 14, 2012, shocked the world and plunged the idyllic village of Sandy Hook into despair. And it left the parents and family members who lost children and other loved ones that day to endure a grief so grueling and profound, a life sentence of sorrow and suffering so insurmountable, that surviving the heartache seemed impossible.
But this is not a story about a massacre, although that is how my journey begins.
It is a story about how we can face, endure, and survive the seemingly impossible, and find courage when we think we have none. It’s about choosing love instead of anger, fear, or hatred, and standing your ground, like Jesse did. And it’s about how all these choices can change your life and even the world we live in. That is why I chose to write this book—to share with you a message that Jesse shared with me: through nurturing, healing love we can mend our hearts and enrich our world.
Although my story has many moments of sorrow, it’s not a sad story—it’s a love story. It’s about my love for my sons, my family, my community, and God. So please bear with me through the difficult times because, after the tears, most of all, this is a mother’s journey of hope, healing, destiny, and even miracles.
In my darkest hours following the tragedy, my son Jesse reached out from heaven to give me signs that he is still with me every minute of every day. And in doing so, he’s taught me anew the everlasting and beautiful truth I first taught him as a child: love never ends.
Copyright © Scarlett Lewis, 2013.

Love never ends...and as it says in probably my very favorite chapter...1 Corinthians 13...LOVE ENDURES.   I put it on one of  my pics of the sun setting last night or I guess it is now night before last...probably time to get some sleep.   Sweet dreams...


Wednesday, October 23, 2013

It just matters that you baked...

And here I am almost two weeks later and I still have not finished this...but one I want to finish...I had a home sick day or is it a homesick day...but I pick up where I left off...

I sit here in the silence of my house and think about it being my mom's birthday (October 11)...She would have enjoyed being here...all but one of her grand kids are in my house house is quiver runneth over!

I reflect on my day yesterday...I got to go to Limon and Oppy and I were greeted by a little girl trying to get her underwear on...yes she was full of it.   We got to hang out with her and Ethan and then go to that place that has chili for lunch with her mom!  You might call it Wendy's.   Later we were to go to a "birthday party" for Aunt Autumn at the Pizza Hut...I decide to take a break from this and start anew tomorrow...sweet dreams!   And so that was all I wrote at that time and so I go back a little further to when I started...and then I tried to pick up from there.

Hanging out with an Izzy Bell and cousin Ethan and Oppy...right  now the Firecracker has crashed...she fought the hard fight...but she crawled up by her buddy Ethan and it was lights out...because he wouldn't make her take a nap "on purpose" like Aunt Autumn.

It was a busy day for her...playing with Ethan...these two are quite the buds!   I love how Izzy can make any of us act younger...
helping Oppy...she about wore out herself and all of us around her...running back and forth from the living room to the bathroom.  Oppy do you need some help?  Until finally he told her that she could hold the screws for him...I loved her boots and all!

Time with family is one of my most treasured gifts and time with one little Firecracker is such a joy...As Izzy and I were on the front porch at her house...she was going to make a dirt cake...I was distracted for a bit taking pictures of  her.  But it was almost like she was putting on a cooking show to some audience unseen...she was showing how to cut sticks...I think she was in to baking because her and her mom had made Aunt Autumn cupcakes...It is always easy for me to remember Autumn's birthday as she shares the date with my mom...anyway Chef Isabel gave quite the demonstration of how one should properly cut sticks...using a shovel of course!

It is a special process one must go through in order to cut sticks correctly to eventually take over to the actual dirt cake making area...that would be her little red Radio Flyer...that she has filled with dirt...

It was during this time that she gave me the following words...words that seem beyond her four years of age...Words that are more than just baking to me.   It is as though she is talking away to an audience that seemed to be more than just me.   She says...

"It doesn't matter what you doesn't matter who you just matters that you baked."  Izzy Sheridan 10/10/13

I find a picture of her in one of the aprons as she hung out at my house...and I add her quote there...

I smile thinking about how she likes to wear these aprons when she comes to my house and she likes to help me cook in it (even though these also work great for painting).   We were making a "Sunday Something Different" (in which her uncle who had put on the apron Izzy was wearing and so she needed another) but he was concerned that I might be one teaching her to cook...he had asked what sides we were having with our hamburger which Izzy replied we will just keep adding stuff...huh Ahma...yes that's  my girl...even though her uncle was less than comforted!   But again...I love how she can get these guys to do "bake"...or paint...or whatever might be...because after all it doesn't matter what you bake...It doesn't matter who you are...It just matters that you baked!



Friday, October 18, 2013

Goodbye Billy...

It is with a heavy heart I am at my kitchen table brother and family must say farewell to a good friend...Billy Kissner...My heart hurts for them as they must say goodbye to one who was too young to be saying goodbye...

Billy near the same age as my brother...Billy Kissner...Wildcat brother I think got to know him through working...something they both loved doing.   I remember hearing stories about Billy though detail I do not recall...I remember of my memories of Billy and I even caught a picture was when we drove over to Gunnison to watch my nephew, Ethan, play ball.  Billy and Shane were the coaches...This picture came to mind and I hoped I could find it...

I think of the last time I had seen was at my brother's house.  He had stopped by for something and it was after he had lost his wife...I remember him asking about she was doing...of saying he was sorry.   I just remember the pain he seemed to be feeling on his own...but thought of another...I remember walking and talking with him...and I do not think I seen him since.

I watched from a distance of Billy's story...but I watched through my brother's eyes.   Through eyes of love and friendship.  For being there for another...not just when times are good but times when your life is not...Proverbs 17:17 comes to mind...

"A friend loves at all times,

And a brother is born for adversity."


Adversity--the dictionary says "a state of hardship or affliction, misfortune" but then it goes on to say..."a calamitous event".    CALAMITOUS what is that word...I am not certain I have ever heard it and so again I look it adjective...involving calamity...catastrophic...comparing it to fires and hurricanes...those things in which one thinks they might never recover from!    And I realize my brother fits this proverb...He lived this proverb for his friend...his brother!    And today he speaks in front of others and I hold him up in prayer...that hearts will remember the Billy that they knew and loved...that God would open hearts to love and compassion to his children and grandchildren and not live in a state of judgment and condemnation.
I do not know or understand the darkness that consumes one as they go in a place that I have never ventured and hope I never go...I do not know what crosses their minds or what does not...I think of the pit of despair...I feel Billy was in that pit...why he did not get out in the way I had hoped...perhaps he got out all the same.   I know my brother and he have had discussions...of faith...of life...I pray that Billy is in a place of no more pain...though I feel for those that are left behind...the ones that will miss him daily.
I heard a guy talking of the movie a Wonderful Life and of our thinking what would it have been like if you were not is one that I think we should all I make a difference in being here?   Will others miss me when I'm gone...I think of Izzy's cup song...
"When I'm gone (when I'm gone)
You're gonna miss me when I'm gone..."
And in looking for Billy's obituary...I come across two beautiful reasons why his life mattered...why he was here...
This photo was taken from the Delta Independent

I am saddened that these two little ones will not get to know their Grandpa other than through stories and pictures that I hope others continue to share...I do not understand the darkness that take away such rays of light...I thought of this the other day...I wrote in my journal...we do not see the entire picture that is open before us...only brief segments that are sometimes filled with a is sometimes the dark pieces that showcase and highlight the intense light...
Last night as the shepherd was coming back from working with my brother and his son...I was the chore of late I have received what seemed opportunities to take pictures of sunsets that remind me of one who has passed on...and the other day as I drove...without my camera...I saw the most beautiful sunset and I wondered is that Billy's and I won't be able to capture mind held it and I think of the light that illuminated it.   Yet last night as I was later finishing the evening was just me and the animals in the darkness as the sun set in the west...behind the very mountains that separate me from my brother and his family...The moon was shining and reflected off of the stock tank and I knew that I had to go and get it...but then I watched as the sun set and as I stumbled in the darkness...I captured a blurry picture of the sun unsettled mysterious sunset...and I wondered is this Billy's sunset...and I find a scripture from Job...that seems to go with it...
But I cannot stop thinking of the pool...of the reflection...and I hope that Billy's reflection to those that he loved and loved him...will continue to reflect on them and be a part of them...I think of Billy's organs going to others...that his heart will touch another...I choose to try and find hope from his loss even though I don't understand...I share Billy's moon...
HOPE...I hold on to that word...there is a song that seemed to come to me by Jeremy Camp..."There will be a day"
This song brings comfort that there will be a day with no more tears...when we see Jesus face to face.  And God seemed to share in Ephesians prayer for my prayer for others...In the New King James Version...
Appreciation of the Mystery
14 For this reason I bow my knees to the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ,[c] 15 from whom the whole family in heaven and earth is named, 16 that He would grant you, according to the riches of His glory, to be strengthened with might through His Spirit in the inner man, 17 that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith; that you, being rooted and grounded in love, 18 may be able to comprehend with all the saints what is the width and length and depth and height— 19 to know the love of Christ which passes knowledge; that you may be filled with all the fullness of God.
20 Now to Him who is able to do exceedingly abundantly above all that we ask or think, according to the power that works in us, 21 to Him be glory in the church by Christ Jesus to all generations, forever and ever. Amen.


Wednesday, October 16, 2013

30....Just a number...

And so today another hits the big 3-0!   Several of those 1983 Blessings!   Happy Birthday have joined many others and I think it is always better when you have so many that have climbed that hill before you...and know there are others who are hot on your heels and will be there sooner than they think.

When you are a little one...even a teenager...30 seems almost ancient!    However, when you are looking a the big picture...or looking at in your rear-view mirror...30 is just getting started.   You have the advantage of gaining a little wisdom but still in your youth. 

Was fun getting to celebrate with Kristy the other night and a few friends...I took pics for her sister who couldn't be there...and I loved the creativity to come up with a 50 - 20 cake (delicious I might add)...So I add another one in the 30 club or is it 28?   One of the perks of turning have "old friends" right there with you.

Mary (Kristy's mama) shared some pics of when Kristy was an itty bitty baby...and her daddy is looking at her with a special I include one that I took the other night...and love that after ALL THESE YEARS ;)   He still loves that precious little can see it in his smile...and it is pretty obvious how your mama thinks of you!

So blessed to have such special ones in my life.   And I have said it is just a can make it a sad number or a just beginning a new season number...and if you hang around with some of us who have a little bit higher numbers...(you will feel all the younger)...not mentioning any names even though I would not "date" these two women!

Of course there were a couple others who might never get old...

I love that this guy just gave up and took it upon his self!   Glad  you gave us a reason for celebration you also got to share this CELEBRATION of life a few months back in San Antonio...hanging out with family...friends...George...strawberry shortcake...did I say George?   I love that I got to take in on the gifts that your sister and my son gave their sisters for this special age!   SO AGAIN I SAY...Happy birthday!!!


 I better get this up before your day is over...but I say just keep celebrating!  lyp