Saturday, January 22, 2011

Am I dying?

As I am sure you have figured out by now that what you get from "my kitchen table" is pretty random.   But it wouldn't be my kitchen table if it wasn't.   You know back to "riding my bike" (that's an older blog) but a constant theme for me.   I have always had a vivid imagination since I was young.   All of my stuffed animals, dolls, and sometimes even flowers had personalities of their own.  I dream in color and sometimes those dreams are to say the least "out there".   (No comments from those who want to add more to this!)   But I guess this was just to give transition into why some things come in my head I do not always know why.   Sometimes I definitely know and those are the ones that I am trying to listen more closely to.

This week I had one of learning.   As I was sleeping away, minding my own business, I was awakened a little before 4:00 a.m. maybe by the hurt in my "Barbie Leg" or NOT.   Because it was as though I needed to go to my kitchen table and read and write.   Well not always being a good listener I readily pointed is cold out there we just had a "blizzard"--really I could do some good listening in the warmth of this bed.   And it was as though I heard "Wa Wa".    Now I know these do not sound like words that one would receive but like I said I am not always a good listener and do not always understand the first time.   But I must say that got me up.

And so in the cold darkness (did I say COLD!) I got up and put on my snuggly robe and fuzzy slippers and strolled out to my kitchen table.   And as I sat there in what seemed as the only light in the whole world--with total blackness and cold out my window...and I know that there is going to be something learned from this illustration.   And later on in the morning I am reading in Jeremiah and I write:
Jeremiah shows me the dark--it seems so dark to me but I am reminded that this was before Jesus.  Jesus came to bring LIGHT for me and there it is again. (light).  There is darkness abound but God is there to bring LIGHT.  Though it may be just enough to see his Word--it is enough. 
I thank you for your words--for your Spirit-even if the words are WA WA.   Because this time here has been a blessing and I am thankful for those moments.  Tender moments of teaching--tiny morsels of Truth.  To be bitten and savored throughout the day.  Some to share and some to Selah (pause and calmly think of that). 
May the Lord keep you as you go about this day!  And I read Jeremiah 10: 23-24 in my Living Bible:
Oh Lord, I know it is within the power of man to map his life and plan his course--so you correct me Lord but please be gentle.  Don't do it in your anger, for I shall die."
And this transitions me to my writings a few days prior that was the oringial theme as to what this writing was titled.  And I wrote:
The thought just came to my head, "Am I dying?"  I know not why I questioned  and even less why I wrote this down.  I do not want to leave those I love--but if that is the path I take it is one to a Better Place and those I leave behind, I have faith will meet up with me in Heaven one day.   But we know not when our time is--But we are all dying--from the moment you are born I guess you are dying.   But I am not dead so while I am here I choose living over dying.  So maybe that is the question I should ask--AM I LIVING? 
It is all how you look at it!   Lord let me live while I am here.   Let me Live!  Let me Love!
And so within this week time frame this whole "living" thing is brought about and I discuss with someone about contentment and I begin to ponder this word--CONTENT.  If you are content where you are--then are you stale and stagnant?   So I am reading along in My Utmost for His Highest by Oswald Chambers and he writes:

"Are we freshly born this minute or are we stale, raking in our minds for something to do?  Freshness does not come from obedience but from the Holy Spirit; Obedience keeps us in the Light as God is in the Light."
And there it was my illustration of light I was looking for...So this morning to finish this up I am sent right back to Philippians 3:11:
"So, whatever it takes, I will be one who lives in the fresh newness of life of those who are alive from the dead."
So on this journey of being alive, I mentioned that I am working on my "physical".  The other day I read in the God Calling by A.J. Russell that:
"Think health--and health comes.  The physical reflects the spiritual and mental."
I am thinking that my physical is not just my body, but many of my surrounding "physical" needs a weight loss... remove some of the clutter--get it all into "shape".   So I am working on that part of me as well.   However, on the physical of me, in the last two weeks I have lost 10 pounds. (and I hope to never find them again).   I know I have a long way to go but have had a lot of help (Thanks Angie) from   Those who know me know I love numbers and data bases and I guess this helps make me more accountable!  And also the little voice from Philippians who keeps saying "their god is their appetite."   It is hard to grab something when that keeps playing in your head!

I feel like I get extra "Help" and motivation being in this frame of mind.  Last night I wanted to see how many calories one would burn from doing stairs so I enter them in ..WELL it all of a sudden puts in that I have done stairs on my news feed.   SO in not wanting to appear as though I am putting things I did not do...I got up from my comfy chair that I might not have moved out of and did stairs.   It helped burn off I'm sure that homemade pizza I had eaten!   And the "Barbie leg" survived as well.  (Turns out not a lot of calories are burned just plugging in the exercise--one must actually do it!)   TECHNICALITIES!!!

Like I said when I started this particular blog that...sometimes I am all over the place but wanted to share part of my week at my kitchen table.   Thanks for listening and if you take nothing else away from this I hope you ask yourself ..."Am I Living?"



  1. Congrats on the weight loss! I am still in the thinking about it stage....