The shepherd and I got a good start to head for Colorado Springs for his appointment...Yes his 6 week checkup...not sure where the time has gone...though I know it may have felt like an eternity...but he is doing so good...though some days harder than the others. Dr. Mitchell thought he was doing well as well. He is getting some flexibility and was pretty cool seeing the x-rays. Not sure if I could get copies but it looked good...we could see the screws in his leg. We found out what it is made of molybdenum and nickel I remember off the top of my head...one more but will have to look it up...
But something that stuck with me and was in my thought process as I did chores...the doctor had told Tim that some will say it has been such and such amount of time...thinking that he should be back to norm...they said at least 4 weeks until checkup and will see if he can do...was funny and one of the things I like of this doc is Tim said what can I do? Dr. Mitchell without missing a beat says, "What do you want to do?" Turns out NO for carrying buckets of grain...one reason why is if one would fall in a hole because not paying attention to where going but more on carrying. He also asked about on a ladder...so turns out...Not at this time!
So back to my story...or at least my thought...not probably focused enough to be an actual story. But Tim and I had discussed this about how people sometimes people who have no clue...will say it has been such and such a time...why aren't you back to "normal". And I have seen this in many places...I think of the whole grieving process...whether through death...divorce...breakups...and it is as though some must have a rule book hid some where that not all are privy to. As I thought0 of this...it is not as though one day you wake up and say, "Well I don't hurt anymore!" Whether surgery...or internal heart injuries! We do not lose someone and all of a sudden one day you wake up and say well glad that is over and I don't miss them everyday...but sometimes with time...you do wakeup and it isn't the first thing that pops in your head...(and you begin to remember in the event of losing someone we love0...more some days of how they lived and not how they died.
The same as with recovering from surgery...and again it does parallel losing someone....through death...divorce...breakups...or just circumstances. You do get to feeling a little bit stronger...I think even doing my chores...I get to feeling a little bit stronger and things that were hard soon are not as hard...I love the song by Sarah Evans...A little bit stronger...I sing this often doing chores...I watch those around me and think of them...I think of my daughter...of others...and of my shepherd who is getting stronger everyday...
Stronger that is if he doesn't try to do too much. I loved when the doctor told him..."We are just trying to save you from yourself." Isn't that many times who we do in fact need to be saved from--ourselves? The internal things that seem to haunt us...cripple us...and all the while searching for something or someone to save us...not listening to those voices that say, "DON'T! That will hurt you!"
Yes all of this was going through my head PLUS as I was doing chores and while doing them and thinking on these things...a dragonfly flew by. I am not sure if I have mentioned much of dragonflies...but a series of things and different events...I think of those that have gone on...and sometimes I will see things that I feel God just sends as little exclamation points or Selah moments...After we lost Jay...the following summer I had different moments in which dragonflies showed up at moments that just seemed to be a sign of those that had gone on...so tonight while feeling I feel a little bit stronger...along flew one of those dragonflies. Made me think of Jay Bird...my favorite son-in-law. I think 4th of July was like his HOLIDAY! He wanted to get married on it but the logistics of that were a little more so he settled on the 5th of July...and so I think of Heather tomorrow...but I think of the fun we had at their wedding...and so I try to think of yes HOW THEY LIVED!! Many stories come up from that day! And yes you could feel sad all the day but you could also remember the FUN! And so a little bit stronger...but NO there is no time limit or rule book I know of that says time for healing from knee surgery 45 day...38 minutes....time for healing from losing someone you love...1 year (I put that because many have said well it has been a year....to that I pull the bull sh** (yes I whispered it!) card! IT is a process in which each person goes through individually.
I think of many get togethers that we have attended as of last and I smile because at each event it is though someone has on a t-shirt as a reminder of Jay...like the dragonflies...the sunrises and sunsets...that are there if we will only pause and feel it. So I feel a little bit stronger...the shepherd is feeling very much stronger and for that I am very thankful...yes my shepherd is on the mend and coming back!!
HAPPY 4th of July!