I put in thoughts from last night...I ask for others to hold this family up in prayer...my heart goes out for their loss...I pray for rest...
There is a sadness down our lane today...the lane I drive down almost every day...a house I drove by tonight and knew I needed to stop...I drive by most times and don't see John and Michelle much anymore since our children are grown...unless we travel away from our homes...in fact I had just seen them at Missouri Day and visited a bit out on the street. Both soaking in as grandparents do...those amazing grandchildren. They were by their son Mark's house and it was his babies that they were out and about with them. I include some pictures I snapped because for one does this little girl and her grandma not resemble...and she just seems to be soaking in being completely ADORED...and then watching this little guy and my Firecracker figuring each other out the way the little ones do...sometimes without saying a word...and smiling thinking about how Heather and Mark had went to prom together (getting to be several years ago) and now here they both had little ones!
What an angel...look her and Grandma have matching curls...
So funny watching them try to converse...
Grandpa John Tomky...I wish he was a little prouder of this little one...
(Can't say as I blame you she is adorable!)
What a cutie...loving the Missouri days...
But the sadness is that these little ones will be wondering where their mama is tonight and Mark I am sure thinking of the love of his life and wondering his own why's. I was not sure whether to stop by tonight...there are many reasons we go through in whether we should reach out...they probably have too many people, or they are probably exhausted, I am sure there are many. I remember the exhaustion that comes upon each new wave of those who bring emotion in and you are there just to take it all in. But looking back...there was much love in all of that emotion and those from the outside do want to reach out...so the little Power Ranger turned in. And though I felt the sadness in the house...I felt the love...the love of family. Mark's brothers were both there for him...his parents..his aunt...his sister-in law, grandmother and great grandfather who were there taking care of things they were the "shepherds" there taking care of in whatever way they could. I did not want to bring more pain to them...but I did want them to know that others care. I connected with Michelle as she is in a similar place I have been...watching your child hurt over something you have no control of and no band aid can take the sting away! Mark has always seemed to have that sweet personality...I flash back to him at a younger time...and though hurting...he still has his twinkle in his eyes.
I do not understand the why's and how comes...I offered if there was anything that they needed but I knew that what they wanted I could not give...and Mark said...a time machine. How we take so much maybe not always for granted but think that it will always be...I pray for their strength through this time. I know somewhat the pain that they feel...although none of us really know the pain that another feels...I have seen closely losing someone we love...and would love that no young couple would not have to go through this....that a little one would not have to know what it is like not having a parent there.
I wish there were words that would make this family feel better...but I do not know them...but I pray for these neighbors that they might have peace...that they might have rest...that they not only feel the love that I see they give each other...feel the love of their heavenly Father...and know that others share their pain.
As I was finishing doing chores I caught sight of the sunset...and I thought that is Chelsey's sunset...I have seen sunsets for others...and so I claim it for her. There was more to this sunset...a portion hidden...but there all the same. I pray that those left behind will feel that in which they may not always see...but the love and the beauty is there. I really do not know Chelsey...but I know who her people are...and her mom and Tim's sister friends. And so there is a connection all the same...she is someone's daughter...someone's wife...someone's friend...loved by many.
I looked at her and Mark's picture on their face book...it was their wedding picture...he laying on her lap...and the L they formed seemed to be...LOVE...clearly shown in two precious little ones! I am thankful of these two precious gifts that are here for a reason...they are such comfort to those left behind...and I know family is there. I smiled as Uncle David fed all of his mashed potatoes to one precious little angel! While Uncle Luke spent time with another. We may never know all the why's or how come's...and it is not our place to judge or gossip...it is our place to reach out to a hurting family and show our love. To hold them up in prayer in this time of sorrow when they may have a hard time holding themselves up. God be with you...may He give you rest...peace...and may you Miss Chelsey Rest in Peace...
This morning was one of those you tuck away in your heart and keep...While the shepherd was gone...my kids were here...and so the plan was B & G's for a late breakfast before they loaded up and headed out. Got a bit of time talking to my son before he went out to do chores...then got to talk to Heather and try to get the crink out of her back...I don't have good enough massage skills but loved just having some time with her until we heard this, "Mom, Come!" from upstairs! I let Mom take the lead because sometimes...a certain someone might not wake up quite all the way and if she called for mom that is who she wanted. However, her mom got to her and she heard me and hid...so I got to do my Fee Fi Fo Fum and sniff out one little Firecracker. Hung out on the bed and just was there...just breathing them in. Then Izzy like her mom likes to be stretched and so we grabbed her and proceeded to stretch her. Can't believe she can almost make it all the way across the bed. She then decided her mom needed to be stretched and so we stretched her and then it was Ahma's turn...oh I love that little girl...
After our stretching, she walked on her mom's back, and then it was decided to go downstairs and while mom was going to shower...her and I were going to fix breakfast...we went to the "store" in the basement and got meat and biscuits...If you haven't tried the Grand's frozen biscuits...I encourage you to do so...well unless you make them from scratch and then never mind...and so Miss Izzy Bell did the biscuits...laying them out across the pan. We had a little distraction...but she got a shower taken all by herself...with only some of Ahma's supervision (okay I was right in the bedroom but she didn't know) she is 3 you know!!!
Then LaLa made it back and it was time for breakfast...so when we gathered in the circle holding hands to pray...in an innocence of a child, she asks..."Why we pray?" Have you asked or answered that lately? I gave a quick because we are thankful...but it has been with me all day. Why we pray? I have a question mark because as a 3 year old, she doesn't always put in the words such as do...and as adults...we don't always put in such actions as "do" either!! Why we pray? Or even DO we pray?
We continued on with our eating and Heather says something to which Uncle Lance who may or may not always be the best source of things you should say to your mom...tells Izzy..."Tell her don't worry about it!" To which Firecracker quickly has those words from her mouth...and I reply that was on my calendar this morning!! For those of you who read Jesus Calling by Sarah Young will know...those that don't read it...I share...Did I say I love these readings...
"DO NOT WORRY ABOUT TOMORROW! This is not a suggestion, but a command. I divided time into days and nights, so that you would have manageable portions of life to handle. My grace is sufficient for you, but its sufficiency is for only one day at a time. When you worry about the future, you heap day upon day of troubles into your flimsy frame. You stagger under this heavy load, which I never intended you to carry.
Throw off this oppressive burden with one quick thrust of trust. Anxious thoughts meander about and crisscross in your brain, but trusting Me brings you directly into My Presence. As you thus affirm your faith, shackles of worry fall off instantly. Enjoy My Presence continually by trusting Me at all times."
She says, "What you calendar say Ahma?" And so I ask do you want me to read it to you. To which she replies yes. Lance and Heather are having another conversation while Izzy wants me to read this to her...they are speaking of Disney World and the like while I am reading this...and she intently listens to the entire reading as I read to her and she listens as though she understands every word I am telling her...oh that childlike faith...how they are such sponges...absorbing so much around them...Let it be the good she absorbs.
And I think of my earlier reading of this and my early morning time at my kitchen table...and I write:
"but trusting Me brings you directly into My Presence. As you affirm your faith, shackles of worry fall off instantly."
This is a visual and such a great analogy as that is what worry seems to do...shackle us putting weights and limitations on us that we have no control...but it holds us back...keeping us from being free..free.from worry...What those shackles can do...they can completely entrap us making us unable to breath, to walk, much less be able to run...to fly...to soar. They are self-bound shackles. Ones in which we place upon ourselves. Oh sure there are times that we also borrow other shackles from others or let them place more upon us...Why?
"As you thus affirm your faith, shackles of worry fall off instantly. Enjoy My Presence continually by trusting Me at all times."
Faith--Trust--both KEYS to removing shackles...throw in Grace and a heart of thankfulness of what we have and not so much on what we do not have...The keys unlock even the tightest bound shackles allowing us to walk...The thing of these shackles...if you carry each days with you and do not let them go...soon you are in fact weighted down with a weight you could never bear...I know some say you do not know what I must endure--What I must bear--but will worrying about it make it go away...
I look at the scripture that goes with the reading today...
Matthew 6:34 "Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about its own things. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble."
And in my writing...I stop and talk to Lance and when I go back I write on... I stop and start wondering about Tim (note I put in wonder but is it worry?). Will he heal properly, and what in fact will he be able to do for a while? SHACKLES! If I practice what I preach, I will TRUST and have FAITH that the Lord will provide just as He always has even though at times we try our hardest to keep Him from blessing us...providing for us...taking care of the manna in which we have received...My Grace He says is SUFFICIENT! SUFFICIENT..yes that means enough!!!
I realize our worries are small--the old if you put every one's problems in a big pile..we would probably just take our own out...Would we? Granted there are those who seem to have it "better" but do they? Or there are there are so many that seem to have it much worse? Do they? It is not my place to judge or to envy. To worry about how my life is in comparison to others...My life is just that--MINE...I can choose to accept it and if need be change it...but it is the life I have been given. And for that life I am thankful.
And then I read the remaining devotionals in Jesus Calling or the day...2 Corinthians 12:9 and Psalm 62:8:
"And He said to me, My grace is sufficient for you.for My strength is made perfect in your weakness."
"Trust in Him at all times, you people; Pour out your heart before Him, God is a refuge for us."
Pour out your heart...it seems I have done that...I heard someone say...anytime you and the Lord are talking...isn't that what praying is...sometimes pouring out our heart...sometimes just sharing a thankfulness...sometimes asking for help...but it is communion with our God. There is a song by Big and Rich...called that's why I pray that I heard the other day...it is one of those songs that touches my heart...and it does make me think of why I pray also..."I'm begging for forgiveness...I want to make a difference even in the smallest ways I am only one person but I can feel it working I believe in better days that's why I pray..."
And really prayer is just spending and getting to know Someone you love...and speaking of someone you love the shepherd is home...and really I am not worried about what will happen tomorrow...I laughed as I read God Calling as the shepherd being in construction and ladders are a big part of his job...a big part that he is not supposed to be on one for 6 months or so...but it talks of "Should I plant your feet on an insecure ladder?...But I have asked you to step on and up firmly--then surely I have secured your ladder."
Finally I include a speaking of appreciating those you love...I share a picture of "Iz and Masey" as they call each other...they are so precious...
Thank you for this day! No worries for tomorrow I pray...
And so I thought I would get this up this morning...Today my father-in-law, Frank Pfeiff, turned 86 years young! He does better than some guys many years younger...not sure his secret perhaps it is the P & V he is full of. I like to give him a hard time...it is part of what we do...he had one of his daughter-in-laws give him some compost to which he was excited to get on his garden...I told him I give him "crap" all the time and he never seems happy to get it!!!
I am thankful for "dad Pfeiff"...or often referred to as Great Grandpa (GGP) as one little Firecracker calls him. She also seems to like to give him a hard time. As of late with the shepherd not quite up to full speed, his dad at first went and checked on the cows...and now they go together. What a blessing getting to spend time with your dad.
So I say Happy Birthday GGP and know that we love you and appreciate you very much! And here is to catching many fish!!!
Also throwing in a few hugs...lyp
Brendon and Grandpa...ahhh I love these two guys!
Grandpa and the Pennsylvania and Texas kids...
Probably those cute blonde hugs...Sarah
And Katie (sorry if spelled wrong)
A Keri Hug...
Gotta love a Mushy hug..
This one was just the thorn between two ro....no the rose between two tho...oh never mind!
Grandpa with Heather and Casey...
Well Grandpa I think you are blessed...I hope you know how many love you...oh I got more pictures!!! Love ya and Happy Birthday!
Ahh today is my brother's birthday! Happy Birthday Shaner! And we have puddles...what a gift. I am so blessed to have such amazing family...my brother being a big part. We have always been close and remain so...though we don't always talk often...or text...or see each other...we FEEL each other. Out of the blue...usually a blue day...he calls me...or I need to call him. We know the other is there...and for that I am thankful!
There is a song by Bob Seger that always reminds me of him. Beautiful Loser...No my brother is far from a loser...he is probably one of the most amazing people I know...I am sure all because of having such a big sister as I....or perhaps in spite of! God has blessed us both with an abundance of LOVE in our lives!
Anyway the part in that song that makes me think of him is..."He's your oldest and your best friend...if you need him he'll be there again..."
So I come across Kid Rock's version at Sturgis...WITH TRAVELIN MAN...yes we know these songs go together...and I think of Travelin Man...and I think of my brother...and I do think these are the memories that make me a wealthy soul!!
I say Happy Birthday My Brother and I love you LOTS!!!!
And I think 4 years ago about now we were probably.....hmmmm could have been dancing...could have been laughing...not really sure but I just remember a fun time...one of those happy days!! So much has happened in those four short years!
Four years ago...my favorite daughter was marrying some Limon cop. Oh he was a cocky sort at times...but just one of those you couldn't help but like him...and you know when your only daughter is getting married you are sure no one is ever good enough. But I had already came to a place that if Heather loved him...then I would too! And then I got to know him...and I began to like him too. We wondered if there is a special class in becoming an officer that when that uniform goes on they take on a different persona? Turns out they just might....probably something that helps get through some of the things they must get through...
I was talking with my friend today about how Jay just wanted their wedding to be a party. A celebration! And really that is what marriage should be...a celebration of two people loving each other. And a celebration it was...how I wish that there were many more anniversaries that Heather and Jay would just spend trying to figure out if they were actually going out to eat or something...going with a friend or friends...or not doing anything...but that is not how that love story was written.
And while many amazing and special moments that they shared...if what that love shared with the rest of us is any symbol...then they must have been an amazing match...shown in the birth of one little Isabel Marie. A special sign of two people saying I do...
I had some great pictures well you know me I love all pictures...but I had some of Izzy that show parts of her personality...at times you will think she is her mom...then she turns around and she is definitely her daddy's child...then she has some of Uncle La La and Aunt Aum...Grandad....Grammy...Oppy...and I am sure any faded "genes" she has comes from AHMA!!
Anyway I was playing and so I put the two slides together...I say happy versary...though I don't know if that really is what you say...but I do hope for a happy day...so we get a constant reminder of "All because two people fell in love". Man I should have thought of that when making her card as that was the sign that hung on their trellis and then made it in the house...so I know this is a goofy picture of Izzy Bell...but that is what I love is the multiple sides of her...how she can have fun or be serious! And some of the expressions and things she says...are definitely a mix of her mom and dad! So I say love you and thank you and Happy Versary...and perhaps I'll throw this up and go to bed...sweet dreams... lya
It seems that I have had several blogs going through my head but they do not seem to make it from there to here...not sure if they really have to...BUT tonight while doing chores I was thinking about my cousin Kim asking for a shepherd update so I wanted to put that as he went to the Dr. Mitchell the surgeon yesterday. I have to say we really have liked Dr. O Mitchell. Made us feel God has been with us this whole journey as so much went so well. So perhaps I will just focus on this first part and go from there!
The shepherd and I got a good start to head for Colorado Springs for his appointment...Yes his 6 week checkup...not sure where the time has gone...though I know it may have felt like an eternity...but he is doing so good...though some days harder than the others. Dr. Mitchell thought he was doing well as well. He is getting some flexibility and was pretty cool seeing the x-rays. Not sure if I could get copies but it looked good...we could see the screws in his leg. We found out what it is made of molybdenum and nickel I remember off the top of my head...one more but will have to look it up...
But something that stuck with me and was in my thought process as I did chores...the doctor had told Tim that some will say it has been such and such amount of time...thinking that he should be back to norm...they said at least 4 weeks until checkup and will see if he can do...was funny and one of the things I like of this doc is Tim said what can I do? Dr. Mitchell without missing a beat says, "What do you want to do?" Turns out NO for carrying buckets of grain...one reason why is if one would fall in a hole because not paying attention to where going but more on carrying. He also asked about on a ladder...so turns out...Not at this time!
So back to my story...or at least my thought...not probably focused enough to be an actual story. But Tim and I had discussed this about how people sometimes people who have no clue...will say it has been such and such a time...why aren't you back to "normal". And I have seen this in many places...I think of the whole grieving process...whether through death...divorce...breakups...and it is as though some must have a rule book hid some where that not all are privy to. As I thought0 of this...it is not as though one day you wake up and say, "Well I don't hurt anymore!" Whether surgery...or internal heart injuries! We do not lose someone and all of a sudden one day you wake up and say well glad that is over and I don't miss them everyday...but sometimes with time...you do wakeup and it isn't the first thing that pops in your head...(and you begin to remember in the event of losing someone we love0...more some days of how they lived and not how they died.
The same as with recovering from surgery...and again it does parallel losing someone....through death...divorce...breakups...or just circumstances. You do get to feeling a little bit stronger...I think even doing my chores...I get to feeling a little bit stronger and things that were hard soon are not as hard...I love the song by Sarah Evans...A little bit stronger...I sing this often doing chores...I watch those around me and think of them...I think of my daughter...of others...and of my shepherd who is getting stronger everyday...
Stronger that is if he doesn't try to do too much. I loved when the doctor told him..."We are just trying to save you from yourself." Isn't that many times who we do in fact need to be saved from--ourselves? The internal things that seem to haunt us...cripple us...and all the while searching for something or someone to save us...not listening to those voices that say, "DON'T! That will hurt you!"
Yes all of this was going through my head PLUS as I was doing chores and while doing them and thinking on these things...a dragonfly flew by. I am not sure if I have mentioned much of dragonflies...but a series of things and different events...I think of those that have gone on...and sometimes I will see things that I feel God just sends as little exclamation points or Selah moments...After we lost Jay...the following summer I had different moments in which dragonflies showed up at moments that just seemed to be a sign of those that had gone on...so tonight while feeling I feel a little bit stronger...along flew one of those dragonflies. Made me think of Jay Bird...my favorite son-in-law. I think 4th of July was like his HOLIDAY! He wanted to get married on it but the logistics of that were a little more so he settled on the 5th of July...and so I think of Heather tomorrow...but I think of the fun we had at their wedding...and so I try to think of yes HOW THEY LIVED!! Many stories come up from that day! And yes you could feel sad all the day but you could also remember the FUN! And so a little bit stronger...but NO there is no time limit or rule book I know of that says time for healing from knee surgery 45 day...38 minutes....time for healing from losing someone you love...1 year (I put that because many have said well it has been a year....to that I pull the bull sh** (yes I whispered it!) card! IT is a process in which each person goes through individually.
I think of many get togethers that we have attended as of last and I smile because at each event it is though someone has on a t-shirt as a reminder of Jay...like the dragonflies...the sunrises and sunsets...that are there if we will only pause and feel it. So I feel a little bit stronger...the shepherd is feeling very much stronger and for that I am very thankful...yes my shepherd is on the mend and coming back!!
And so I put in a pic of the Shepherd and the Firecracke doing chores...not sure if you can tell how much faster he is walking and he is helping do chores...and this is a pic that I have several for my whole BLOG BackLOG...
And I hurry to beat the deadline of wishing my friend Mary a Happy Birthday...oh sure I could have gave her a card...but I chose a blog this year! She has been such an amazing friend! The other day we went to the Christian bookstore in LaJunta over lunch...the woman asked where we were coming to and we said there...we were on our lunch break...looking for grace (okay some sort of gift I was certain would jump out for me and actually was looking for hope...alright back to my story!) When we left I told Mary hard to explain what we are...friends, coworkers, mothers of friends, quite a collection if a guy sat and thought about it.
But friend is on the top of my descipt...I have been blessed to be able to work with such a good friend. We have grown closer and closer and I am so thankful and blesssed to call her friend. This journey we have been on has been one that has been a precious gift...and so since Mary began with her focus on Grace...I went with the theme for her birthday...I had left her a gift on her chair for Friday though I was out Flex Fridaying...I have another going on that one. She sent me a reply that said, "Thank you 4 grace. A gift I did nothing 2 earn." Isn't that the thing of G-R-A-C-E.
I put in a picture of green...and I say thank you and Happy Birthday my friend!!
If you look closely you can see hidden in the tree...and I think of Grace...a word I want to know more about...but I thank you my friend...Happy Birthday!
This song just seems to be...while I love Todd Agnew's version of Grace like Rain...This one by Aaron Keyes is kind of a cool version...and I love the pictures of rain...and seems a version Mary would like...
