Going Home...Hallelujah...love you Paul

And this morning at my kitchen table...awakened by thunder...and I am taken back to July of 1989 of hearing a loud crash of thunder and lightning filling the sky and the phone call from my brother...my dad was gone...though I already knew.    I look at the word gone...and think of the wording...I hear some refer as passed...and I ponder...but he was gone from the pain and suffering that held him down.

Now here it is July 2016 and I get a text from my BFSB...that would be Sheryl Chisman Saine...telling me..."Hi HP!   I just wanted to let you know that my dad passed away this morning.   We were planning on bringing him home today but God took him home!."

I knowing that I could not call at that time and be of any support and so there a verse...

"Therefore you may now have sorrow, but I will see you again and your heart will rejoice...and your joy no one will take away from you.   John 16:22

And we talk of our parents rejoicing together...and I think of Paul...

 

There are those that are a part of your life and then there are those who impact your life and you are forever changed just because you knew them.   Paul was one of those people to me.   I had shared that once in Sunday School...Paul said you may be the only Bible some people ever read...he talked of how at work....he a cement truck driver...that some would give him a hard time of his faith...though he really not one to preach...you knew that he believed in Jesus.   But he talked of how some of those same ones when faced with hard times...would want to know about his Jesus...I steal a picture of Emily's...Shane and I talking of this being one of my memories of Paul...

Paul was laughter and fun...I remember stock car races...one of our favorite memories...he and Fred Hardman racing the Chevy against the Ford on the 4th of July...and it was mentioned at his memorial...but I had thought I wonder if cars in Heaven...cause I bet Paul is ripping it up...

On my way to the memorial...going to what used to be home...Hanover...where I grew up...but on the way I get behind a cement truck and have to follow it...I smile thinking of it being a concrete truck as I on my way to join others who are celebrating the life of one truck driver....when I get up to pass it...yes Transit Mix and thinking I will take donuts as my desert...because one couldn't think of Dunkin Donuts and Paul not come to mind (and when I get to the service...a table loaded with Dunkin Donuts)...and there waiting on the light...another Transit Mix truck and so me running late (yes Randy I did listen closely about the whole margin thing...one to pray on).    But as I headed out Hanover road...I taken back and can remember my mom saying well you probably won't drive slow so drive careful.   Sometimes going faster than one should...but I wondered how many times Paul opened up on that old road...

And I get there with a few minutes to spare...hugs to some and then there is Carol.   A second mom to me...she our cook at school...and I will never forget the hug and how she held on so tightly to me as I to her and I could feel her heart...her loss...her love.   This woman who has lost an amazing part of her life tells me Paul loved you.   As I think of this I think...yes I knew that.   There are some in your life...you really never knew...but yes I knew Paul loved me and I loved him.

I find my Sheryl and am thankful that we had talked over the phone and shared some tears there...me thinking I need to be comforting them and yet my tears flowed as well...and sometimes maybe it is just letting others know that you feel their loss...you really feel it!!!

And I am told your brother is here.   I knew they had discussed coming...and with Shane and Jo...you never know what they might do.   They left a little after 4 a.m. to come.   Traveling over the mountain...Shane with a bundle of his own Paul memories and stories.   Of Dad and Paul pouring concrete when Paul would get some "free".    Paul just one of the "good ole boys" meant with pure respect...and I think of another verse I had received some time back of Paul...but came across it again...and find a pic of it I had sent to Sheryl...

I see it is written and Paul suffered...and I believe much like my dad...he suffered until he thought his family was in a place...and that we could let go because we didn't want to see them in the pain they endured...and I think of these two men who are a part of who I am...

During the memorial first Sheryl's family spoke...Kendra holding a sweet little one who brought joy to his great grandpa and I think of Kendra probably being near that age she with her parents came to visit my dad in the hospital and Kendra hopping on the elevator...by herself...scaring us all...she not one worry and I see the woman she has become...a wife and mother and still seems pretty fearless as she took care of things helping out...of Kelsey giving her thank you.    I heard stories of the special bond she and Paul shared with their cars...she just has that gentleness...I think of her mom...Randy speaking and playing piano...a man that Sheryl talked of reminding her of her dad...us laughing of how I had told her she needed someone to loosen her up for fun...and yes Randy you did. 

Then Sheryl got up to speak and we had already shared this conversation but Paul had suffered for a while.   He kept getting chances to "go home" but then would not be able to.   The family had helped move Paul and Carol not too long ago from their Hanover home on Chisman Lane not far from where he grew up...a place where I had spent many a fun times...a place always welcome...I know a hard move for them to make.   But then Sheryl said on Tuesday...they were told Paul is doing better he will get to go home on Friday.    Carol told Paul the news that he would go home on Friday...and they said he lifted his arm and said Hallelujah...

And yes Paul did go "Home" on Friday...and one ponders...did he know the home they were meaning or did he know the Home he was thinking.    Knowing Paul and his faith...that he knew Jesus was waiting for him...because he believed Jesus paid the price for him to live forever...I choose to believe Paul knew which Home...he had fought the good fight...

The gymnasium filled with friends from past...from present...family...as I walked in a woman helped me carry in my stuff...and she a friend of Yvonne's...I remember her last name...Yoder so I look and I see Cynthia Yoder...and she says she knew of me from facebook...hmmmm...glad she still spoke to me!

One of the deep breath moments was when the fire department gave honor to this honorary firemen...and with quite ceremony two firefighters carried the axes and then the flag and the presentation of the flag so honoring...the ringing of the bell...and then the hard one...the last call...and perhaps it is not only the loss of one but it triggers memories of others we have lost...but I was told that we remember them with the love...not the dark and the loss.   And so I think on that...

 

As I am writing...Third Day sings Nothing Compares to the Greatness of knowing You Lord...and a dove flashes by my window...and a peace fills my soul!  

I think back of the memorial...listening to Brenda's words read by Tony...Tony sharing his own words...Tony...And when I see him to give a hug...I call him Burt and he calls me Doris...and more memories come...and then Emily...I have got to know her as a grown woman via the social media...and love her...have loved watching her children grow...and some of her stories...I feel I have lived them somewhat...her Gunner makes me think of my Lance and speaking of there was one pic that I love of the guy...well he happens to be one of those that my camera wants to follow...but he riding down the hall the John Deere that his mom had received from Grandpa Paul and Grandma Carol...and I think of Emily sharing:

"Trying to explain death to small children is difficult. After telling Tressie and Gunner that Great Grandpa had gone to Heaven, three-year-old Gunner became inquisitive. I explained to him that if he loves Jesus and has Jesus in his heart, one day he'll get to to Heaven and see Great Papa again. "Well I love Jesus and I want Jesus in my heart" was his response. If you want to see Grandpa again someday, that would be the greatest gift to him, if you'd love Jesus and have Jesus in your heart."

And though I have so many stories I just add a few pictures of the day...and remember a man who touched my life my heart and I am happy he is Home and we will see you again...my love and prayers to these special women...

 

I think of Paul the Grandpa...I am sure one he loved as much as husband and dad...

 



And I wonder how I missed Emily and Tony and Randy...a little off of my game ;)  but I loved getting to see my favorite brother and his bride...they no matter how long I see them...fill my heart with love...

 





And another long time friend...Mary Spencer...another part of my story...her daughter Nancy and Sheryl share the same birthday...making them much older than I! :)

 

 

As I walk through the halls of a school that seems familiar but far from the little school house I attended many years ago...there is a sign that seems very fitting of Paul Chisman...

 

 

 

I always like to look at what things are put together to represent a life...some beautiful momentums...the one probably catching me most the worn Holy Bible's...and love notes to Carol...and Carol  and those who love...may you continue to get those love notes...when you see a sunrise...a butterfly...a sunset...or just a cool breeze gently kissing you on the cheek...know that Paul is HOME...I think of the song that played at the end...click here... Far Side Banks of Jordan

 

 

 

And before I left Hanover...I journeyed down the road to see my uncle...who had been there but I hadn't got to talk to...and we talked of Paul...of other things...he and his dog...I know missing a friend...

Each of us grieving and giving respect to a special man each in our own way...seeing many faces from long ago...and I say see you later my friend...see you later!





 

And so you suppose there is a Chisman Lane in Heaven...Paul meeting up with those who have gone Home before him...and we will see you on the other side! 

I include the rest of Emily's pics of the handout for Paul...very beautiful...and I add another song from the day...

 

 

lyp

Moments of kindness...

And so yesterday I got a copy of an e-mail from my daughter...a proud mama moment she said...and I went on to read that the Firecracker would be presented with a "Kindness award".     I took it that it was voted on by the other kids...but it was a surprise to be presented at the assembly today.   Her mom snuck to the assembly and said Izzy caught sight of her...turns out Izzy was told by a friend that she must be getting it because the parents show up...and I think about the parents showing up and how proud of my daughter I am...and wishing that another could be there and feel a part of him was there...

And though I missed getting to go watch...her mom caught a picture...and I think how she just keeps growing up on us...almost ready for the 2nd grade...and I wonder where the time does go.

But it was one of those moments that I must say a proud Ahma moment not only of my granddaughter but for her parents and all those that have shown this thing called...Kindness...one of those fruits...one never knows how our little ones are when they are not under our watch.  I know she not perfect...though I still think a special gift to be chosen for a kindness award...just makes your heart smile. I think of how she  makes me think of her mom...but then I see things of her dad.    How I know he would be proud of her receiving such an award...as we all are.    I love that they acknowledge kindness...and I look at my rocks that have the fruits of the spirit...and think something we could all work on...

There is a song by Tim McGraw and think that seemed to come to mind Humble and Kind...even if no one is keeping track...

Humble and Kind (you have to click on the link)

But for now...just wanted to stop and say we love that Izzy Bell...and how she just brings special joy to us all.  So good job Izzy Bell...Ahma is proud of you...

lya

Hope...an anchor to the soul

Lately I have been reading different chapters of Scripture...and taking them verse by verse.    Today I read Hebrews 6:19...

"This hope we have is an anchor to the soul, both sure and steadfast,

and which enters the Presence behind the veil."

In my Bible by this verse is written Linda and Kelly...Linda being Linda Lyons...one of my first to feel like I got a sunset and a verse to go with it.    Kelly being my cousin Kelly Hollis...And so I include Linda's sunset...and think of those who have gone on before us to be with our Lord...

Hope being an anchor to the soul...and I wrote earlier...sure and steadfast and I think does our soul need an anchor?  Isn't our soul supposed to soar?   And then later after I left my kitchen table...to my place of  reflection...the shower!!!   And I ask...what is it that we allow to anchor our souls?  fear... hate...greed...jealousy...to name a few...

And with that I think HOPE...it is more an anchor like a hot air balloon...that allows us to be anchored yet still soar...and as I wrote this the song Crave was playing by King and Country...

After I had pondered this...I seen my cousin Kim had posted a picture on facebook...

And so without stealing I include her (Kimberly Adams the TequilaFairy) picture...I love this one and I tell her that I think taking pictures allows us to focus on what is good or beautiful in something and we can crop out that which takes away from the beauty that surrounds us.   And she replies...It's the wistfulness of peace and calm...

And I think....HOPE...anchoring our soul in our faith...that there is Something bigger that one day there will be some Place better...behind the veil...and this thing Hope...anchors our souls...

Here is to HOPE...

lyp

And another...

Today Ash Wednesday...I never really knew of Ash Wednesday until 5 years ago...though Ash Wednesday does not come now that I don't stop and think of Jay...I always think anyone reading this knows immediately who Jay is.    Jay Sheridan...loving referred to as my favorite son-in-law...a person whose life and death touched many...And one would like to think of Jay's loss of his life in the line of duty...doing the job he loved...was an unusual occurrence...though just today officer's killed in the line of duty...a few days ago...a Colorado officer had his life taken...and I look up ashes in the Bible...and I find this verse...a prayer for those who mourn...

To console those who mourn in Zion,
To give them beauty for ashes,
The oil of joy for mourning,

Isaiah 61:3

My heart goes out to those who have lost...as I know the depth of pain of losing those we love...and it has seemed part of my story...to keep Jay's memory with us...today as I headed from the north to home...I stopped by the cemetery to drop off some flowers and a LOVE balloon...and after my walking through the snow...and I think how Jay would be laughing at me...how a siren goes off as a Limon police car drives by as I am out there as if to say I share with you...and as I look back when getting ready to leave...I snapped a pic on my phone...and this verse just seemed to go with it...with the day...

And I talk to Izzy before I got there and she talks of preparing her Valentine's for school...she so full of life and love...reflections of her daddy and her mom...and I stop and think how I wish she would have got more time with her dad...but she has no doubt that her daddy loved her...that is a precious gift in and of itself...LOVE...it is an unending gift that seems to transcend and stay with us...


I think of the verse...the foundation of faith...For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son...that whosoever believeth in Him shall not perish but have everlasting life...And I come back to Ash Wednesday the beginning of lent...a time to reflect on the life of Christ...40 days (excluding Sundays) until Easter...I read those who observe lent...use it for reflection...I have seen something on choosing a photo a day to reflect...I may try to do it just to reflect...

I think back of Jay and reflecting on his life as well...stopping to give thanks that I knew him...thanks that he was the daddy of my precious granddaughter...and as I look at another picture taken...I think of something that Heather left..."You have left my life...but you will never leave my heart."

And so on this Ash Wednesday I stop and reflect on my faith...but I also think of one who will also never leave our hearts.   Jay bird...we LOVE you...and thank you for your service!

lya

Brother let me be your shelter...

And this song came on this morning...and I think of my brother and getting to talk to him.  How blessed I am to have a brother as he!   I think of his son who we were going somewhere and that song came on and just me associating that song with Ethan...and I think of him and losing a friend...of the pain that goes with it...and I pray for comfort to those who have lost...of my friend at work who lost his father...of those in San Bernidino...

I think today they lay to rest Officer Swasey...just a cop doing his job.   I do not mention his color...but I do think of his faith...though controversy of where the shooting might have been done someone needed help and Officer Swasey went.   I think sometimes we forget...that though we criticize...most of us are the ones who want to run...to hide...not be the one who is there taking on the darkness...I had someone talking of David and Goliath...of what we would do with our stones...and this morning my Bible from looking at a verse yesterday...was left open and there David and Goliath...and I think of those that are willing to stand up and go because they know God is with them.  And though the path is not always the path we would choose that they were lead down...they are driven...and I think of John 15:13...

"Greater love has no one than this, than to lay down one’s life for his friends."

Your "brother" if you will...and with each one lay to rest...I cannot help but think of an officer near and dear to my heart!   How Jay Bird...you a part of my heart always...that family...an important thing to you...be it those of blood...those of blue...I think of a couple girls I love and I think of one little "Peanut" as I sat at my kitchen table this morning...and I wrote...

she so much in ways like her daddy…with kicks of her mom and others.   But there is that spark…that people love…she oozes joy…makes them happy they know her.   Much like her daddy.  Some and myself…not understanding all the time….but knowing that because Heather loved him I loved him.   And then I came to love him just on my own accord…for no other reason than I loved him…and then…like that he was gone.   Today I believe is when they lay an officer to rest who went into a Planned Parenthood…it is as though the news takes key words that will cause strife and division and plant those seeds…and I think it is not the news…it is darkness and hate…satan…evil…whatever one chooses to call it.

And I think of my cousin Kim had shared a sunrise picture and I told her that I had captured a couple though none seem to compare with how Amazing our God gives us.   But one off of my front porch...in the shelter of my porch...as I there in my bare feet the dogs trying to help me and thinking of the LIGHT...how I pray for the Light of our LORD to touch so many who are in so many kinds of darkness.

And how the light adds to the cold...the old cottonwoods...the old barn...all given life because of the light...and I think of Jesus Calling..."Marvel at the wonder of being able to commune with the King of the universe--any time, any place.  Never take this amazing privilege for granted."

And I stop and pray for those who grieve...I think of the only words that came to me when Heather lost her husband and asked what do I do now...and I said the only thing that came to me "breathe"...and I read of breathe Your Holy Spirit on us...how I pray for peace...for comfort...how my heart aches for those who feel the pain and the darkness.  May you feel the Love of Jesus...the hope in despair...the comfort in pain...

I hear another song that comes on from Need to Breathe...difference maker...and think if God is with us...we can be a difference maker...one who can be a shelter to our brother...maybe we are not the one on the frontline fighting the battle...but we can give a word of hope...a hug...a smile...a prayer for peace.

And I sign off...because I get to pick up one little Firecracker from school and I am thankful for this day.

lyp

The next 30 years...

And today...my baby boy is the big 3-0!    And has been a pretty exciting year...one of his goals accomplished...his sheep have moved north!   I wonder if somewhere on that internal secret list of things...if sheep north by the time I'm 30!   Yes we moved them all on Friday...the funny farm sheepless...but so it goes...and in that list for the year...moved into your new place!   I love it and so excited you with the help of another shepherd, a special electrician, a wish he was a Wyoming cowboy, your sister and niece...now have water and power...amongst other things...

I wanted to put up something for your  birthday LaLa...you know another chance to say Happy Birthday.   I am blessed to be your mom and thankful for you!

I am working on something else...but it kind of is BIRTHDAY WEEK!   

So I put in just a couple...I have more to add...but these just help me say Happy Birthday and I love you!

I put in a few pics...but like I said...birthday week ;)   And it is almost bed time...you need your beauty sleep!!!

Catching a ride to the house...Your age may be older but I still see that little boy from time to time!

Of his ice cream cake from his sister...who lay down the old 2-9...

 And so I say Happy Birthday Lance Paul...and I think the next 30 will be good as well...the entry into the next chapter...of the sheep's new home...Life is Good LaLa...Life is good!

God bless you my son and I am thankful for being able to share these 30 years...or I heard it might be 22!

lya

Giving my arms a break and my life a memory...

A while since I have written...but this one kept calling me...and so I write...

This weekend...one of those as the Firecracker and I discussed of a blue dragonfly she seen and as she always asks me...I ask if she got a picture of it and she said yes...and she said in my mind...to which I told her I take those too...the kind you put in your mind and keep in your heart.

First grade and she starting in a new school...her and I packing her toys...changes...but for the weekend...just time together.   I went up Saturday morning and upon arriving she says, "Ahma, are you spending the night?"   To which I reply that I am.   She says, "Good I will sleep with you and stay up late!"   She will tell me this at times...but usually changes her mind...

We had lunch at Ruby's...meeting up with Uncle LaLa as he passed through Limon heading south...and Izzy telling me she will have the same-o same-o...but wondering if the new waitress will know what the same o same o is...and these moments that we take in as the same-o same-o to realize what precious times they are...but do not remain the same...But Ruby coming out and asking her if she is going to college cause she seen she was up by Fort Collins going to school...to which that little toothless grin appears...

Supper at the IHop with Grammy and Grandad...and remember Grammy saying she not having the same-o...same-o...something new she says!

 And then back to the house...the Firecracker and I on the couch to watch Mulan...her mom turning in and we a little later...and upon getting in bed...we listen to Let it Go...then off to dreamland.   I laying there with the full moon lighting the world it seems...and thinking of memories in the old house...of watching a Firecracker sleep....of her mama and her daddy...I can close my eyes and this little one sleeping I can picture holding as a babe...and wonder where does the time go...and a prayer or two...and I think of talking to her mama on the phone a few days before and seen an awesome big butterfly landing on the sunflower...and I think how we cannot stay in our cocoons forever...we must fly...

The next morning playing Cootie with this Cutie...as she waited for Grammy and Grandad to go to church...lunch at the Southside with LaLa and Oppy...and think of a picture of Izzy dancing with her daddy at the Southside..   And then the words that made me write this...As Izzy on her swing from Mike and Liz...she having me push her...in her Sunday dress...no shoes...and she lets go of the rope falling back into my arms laughing and tells me..."Gving my arms a break and my life a memory...of laughing with you."     I make a note of it as those words just speak to me...and how it seems to be a statement of faith in the purest form!   How we should take those moments and just breathe them in...and I take that picture in my heart as her little toothless smile and those big blue eyes stare right into mine...an I am overwhelmed with how blessed I am to have this precious gift of God!   And so I snap a picture a little later...but not quite the same....

We sit on the old porch swing and talk of butterflies (one flew in the house and then back out again) and dragonflies...of heaven and who is there...wondering if my dad and mom and her dad are playing cards together...

I awaken this morning and have the song Because He Lives...playing in my mind to later find that my friend Katie shared it to be a reminder of the words...and I find a version by the David Crowder Band...

And I read Jesus Calling by Sarah Young for the day...and it just seems to go with this...of giving our arms a break...

"GROW STRONG IN YOUR WEAKNESS.  Some of My children I've gifted with abundant strength and stamina.  Others, like you, have received the humble gift of frailty.  Your fragility is not a punishment, nor does it indicate lack of faith.  On the contrary, weak ones like you must live by faith, depending on Me to get you through the day.  I am developing your ability to trust Me, to lean on Me, rather than on your understanding.  Your natural preference is to plan out your day, knowing what will happen when.  My preference is for you to depend on Me continually, trusting Me to guide you and strengthen you as needed.   This is how you grow strong in your weakness."  

And the verses that accompany seem to speak right out loud as well...as I wonder what is on the road ahead...not just letting go...giving my arms a break...

Come now, you who say, “Today or tomorrow we will go to such and such a city, spend a year there, buy and sell, and make a profit”;   whereas you do not know what will happen tomorrow. For what is your life? It is even a vapor that appears for a little time and then vanishes away.  Instead you ought to say, “If the Lord wills, we shall live and do this or that.”  

James 4:13-15

Trust in the Lord with all your heart,
And lean not on your own understanding;

Proverbs 3:5

 

Have you not known?
Have you not heard?
The everlasting God, the Lord,
The Creator of the ends of the earth,
Neither faints nor is weary.
His understanding is unsearchable.
²⁹ He gives power to the weak,
And to those who have no might He increases strength.
³⁰ Even the youths shall faint and be weary,
And the young men shall utterly fall,
³¹ But those who wait on the Lord
Shall renew their strength;
They shall mount up with wings like eagles,
They shall run and not be weary,
They shall walk and not faint.

Isaiah 40:28-31

Wings like eagles...each of these verses speaking to me...and I picture myself as I seen one little Izzy Bell...in complete just resting in His arms and giving my arms a break and my life a memory...and I hear later in the day today a song that Izzy's other Grammy and I both love and we love that it is sang by Iz...and I think someday over the rainbow...and I give thanks..for one little Iz...and for the blessing I am surrounded with...

So LORD I give this simple prayer...that I may rest in Your arms...giving my arms a break...and my life a memory...

lyp