Heart Failure...good and bad...left and right...

I have a day home sick...and decide to work on this that has been on my heart for a few days and I must rid it to this paper or I suppose this screen...and so though I began writing the other night...I add more on today...

I am not sure how long this blog has been brewing...as I sit by the fire...the Christmas tree glowing...my Nativity on the fireplace...with a light with angels saying PEACE...and though my heart should be content...I am saddened...today two police officers in New York City were killed.   And my heart hurts...hurts for those left behind...Hurts for the darkness that is in our world...the lack of care and love for another...the disregard for life of how very precious it is.   There has been much controversy over officers shooting first...and as with most experiences we go to the side we know.   I know first hand what happens when one doesn't shoot first...I watch my granddaughter grow up without her daddy...I watch my daughter missing a man who she loved much...and I sometimes think what if...I share a part of their Christmas traditions...we visited the cemetery to take a wreath...and I capture a picture of Heather giving Izzy a kiss...and I know how much this mama loves her little one...how she is a reminder of her daddy...sometimes good...sometimes full of mischief...but a symbol of a love that these two shared.

But as I watch these two deal with life...of feeling joy...of celebrating life...and I am proud to have them as part of my family...of not wallowing in self-pity but just putting one foot in front of the other...I do not do this to gain sympathy or draw attention...I write it to capture these moments in time...to share this pain that we share...to ask others to join in prayer that there might be peace...for Providence for those who walk that Blue Line...to stop and appreciate these moments...

I pull up snapshots in my mind of recent days...I remember hearing of the "Ferguson" controversy and all the publicity that it seemed to generate...all the hate that seemed to be brought to the forefront and I write in my journal...I write of prayer requests and how Jay's mom had asked for prayers for a friends sister who was dying of heart failure and I write...

…how many of us are dying of heart failure…that’s it Grammy…you added the final piece I needed perhaps…it is heart failure…that is why cops die for no reason…others have no regard for human life…it is heart failure…Jesus…heal our hearts…Indwell deep into our soul….it is compassion but not that alone…it is washing of feet…putting others above ourselves…It is of Christmas…the true meaning…a gift of Love…of a beating heart…of life…magnified into our daily lives…If we get past the selfishness…the commercial…if we tear it down…there awaits a Babe in a manger…where the shepherds found Him in the dark of night…with what…one shining Light.   LORD light your light in our darkness…heal our hearts...

And I am reminded of a song from Jay's funeral...a song that comes to mind often when I think of the darkness that seems to be around us...and instead of adding to the darkness...to shine a light...I see where it is as though we are being divided into sides...and like I said it is what we know in how we make decisions on what we feel and believe.   A Point of Light...

As I write this I listen to a press conference televised from New York City...and I listen as the mayor of New York and though he might have said other things I do not know of...I appreciate how he pointed to the media...that they hold responsibility as well...as we all do to some point in how we react to the negativity and can choose to fuel it...I think of Ferguson...and what I seen was not those who felt some injustice...assembling with a candlelight vigil...but instead looting and tearing down their own city...screaming of prejudice when in fact the ones screaming loudest were in fact putting all police officers in one pot.   Fueling a fire of hatred...

Often I think our police officers are seen as an enemy...when in fact they put their lives on the line...and I am taken back as the mayor begins to talking of hope and light... and then it is spoke of how so many leaders and so many average NYPD officers are trying to bring community and police together...and again I think what we know.   I think of one of the children of the fallen New York officer, Rafael Ramos, who I read that his son's father was not lost...he was taken from him...and his words he wrote were...

"Today I had to say bye to my father. He was there for me everyday of my life, he was the best father I could ask for. It's horrible that someone gets shot dead just for being a police officer. Everyone says they hate cops but they are the people that they call for help. I will always love you and I will never forget you. RIP Dad."

I know that before Jay Sheridan became a part of my life...I too really did not know of cops other than those who caught me when speeding or as the other day...I believe stopping me to make sure...well not sure what he was thinking.   Okay so I was coming from taking some pictures and I took the side road at Manzanola...the drive home I had been thinking of my son-in-law...thinking of a friend's son who had lost his life on this very road...and I looked and the light seemed just right so I pulled over and started taking a few pics of the corn stalks and grain bins...then I went on and decided to pull over and take a few more shots.   Granted that this road is not heavily traveled but in clicking I looked in my rearview mirror and this is what I seen...I was sure I had pulled off far enough so wondered why...

Red and Blues...but I begin to laugh...as I could hear Jay Bird's giggles...and the young officer explains that he had seen me stop and then stop again and thought I was having trouble.   I am sure he is thinking what is this crazy old broad with her camera doing (and wondering how I will be described at coffee).   In our conversation I tell him that my son-in-law who was killed in the line of duty...and I start to say is probably laughing at me...but before I finish with that thought he gives a look on his face as I have tears in my eyes and I tell him to be careful out there (thinking this is some mother's son...some sister's brother...possibly some child's daddy...some woman's husband...) and he says something of hoping he has his back...and then I finish telling him that I figured my son-in-law was probably laughing at me getting stopped.  He tells me that he was just making sure everything was okay.  But I guess my point is that each time these men and women stop a vehicle especially one such as a vehicle erratically traveling down a side road...and the thoughts I am sure...are they drunk...stoned...waiting to bring harm...running from something...or in my case just suffering from a photography addiction.   No I didn't take this picture right when he stopped...I waited until he went to run my license...

But I guess I share this story of thinking about what these individuals face...and I think of them as regular guys...I listen as  a little Firecracker asks her mom the other night if she can take her sword to dinner...to which her mom says no but she says...I want to fight Jake.   Her mom says that might not be good for a little girl going to a restraunt...fighting a police officer in uniform with her sword.   But when telling this story to the shepherd he says...he is not always a police officer to her...he is Boston's daddy...he is her buddy Jacob...and I think of going to a birthday party.   Of Jake, most of you know I think very highly of this young man and his family, but Jake trying to put together a surprise party for the love of his life...the mother of his baby girl.  And I find that I pretty much only have one picture of the three of them together from this night...

And I think how a picture...just one snapshot can say many things...some true some not...one might think that Amy was serving Jake cake...that poor little Boston wasn't getting any...when in fact...Jake was serving cake that he had skillfully sliced so beautifully...and Baby B was ready to eat it up to which she did...that these two were just enjoying time together that they do not get a lot of...and perhaps I go off on my bike...but maybe we all need to stop and realize things aren't always as they seem...and perhaps before forming an opinion...we should know the facts...

I think of how I appreciate these "men in blue" and "women in blue"...that they are not the enemy...they are men and women trying to protect...no they are not perfect.  I find a picture that to our family...these are family and as with family I know they are not perfect...but I also know that days when I go to work...I really am not concerned that I could be putting my life on the line...that I might only have seconds to make a decision that might or might not cost me or someone else their life...the blue line...I used to know nothing of...

And in this "brotherhood" my girls are connected to this "brotherhood"...and I love this picture...mostly of how one little girl looks at her daddy.  Boston in the arms of "Aunt" Heather.   Who Heather and Izzy adores this family.   But also surrounded by those...one of which a friend of their theirs and both of these little one's fathers...the other never met Jay but patrols now because of the loss of Limon 4...

Of another special dad and daughter...and I am thankful for them all...just regular men with regular hearts who love their little ones...but put their lives on the line to help protect these little ones...or in some cases these bigger ones...but the love is there...and I look at this picture of one who may follow in her father's...perhaps not exact footsteps...but her own...in possibly following in this path of serving and protecting.   Russell and Madison...a special pair...

And I think of sitting around talking of what is going on the next day...one of which...Darrin who works for the sheriff's department...and says he has to go in but not working...but doesn't really expand...to which Jake goes on to say that he is going to get an award for helping save the life of a baby...but in trying to find details on this story there is not any I can find...and I realize how often we are surrounded with the negative...the dark and not the light...the bad and not the good...and it brings to mind a story to which happened while hanging out with Izzy...

So while her mom at work, Izzy...well actually it is "secret agent Izzy" but I ask her which stocking hanging on the walls is hers and which her Mom's.   She points at each though I can't tell which is which...and I say is yours on the right or on the left.   To which she becomes a little put out and stands up and begins to call on her secret agent phone...

Hello secret agents...I have one here (please note at this time I am not Ahma...not sure who I am but I am not Ahma but this one here)...anyway she says I have one here that does not know her right from her left...and she carries on a little bit of a conversation.   To which she then makes another call..."Santa...I have one here that doesn't know her right from her left.   So she is already on the naughty list...do  you think I should call the police...she can't even cook...well she can cook but not very good."  So she hangs up from Santa and says she is calling the police..."Jake, I got one here that doesn't know her right from her left...can you take her to jail?"   She then says I will call a teacher..."Teacher I have one here that doesn't know her right from her left...can you teach her something?"   She then goes on to say she can't cook very good either and so she then calls the chef.   "Chef, we got one here that doesn't know her right from her left...can you help her?"

And I think of how there are many of us who don't know our right from our left...our right from our wrong...perhaps if more teaching...more seeking in the Word before us...perhaps if more people were involved in the life of a child before they become filled with hate and anger...  

I realize as in true Ahma fashion I have given you quite the bike ride...but I think of prayers to be said...of lights to shine in the darkness...to not pick sides as to black and white...or cops or not...but of Good and evil...to choose that which is good...the Firecracker and I one day talking of God...and I asked who she thought God was and she told me, "One of the good ones!"    Through a child's eyes it was not color of skin...occupation...it was about the GOOD...

And so I ask you to join me in praying for healing for our nation...healing of hearts...to pray for Providence over these special individuals that choose to walk that line for good...and not for the "big paychecks" they receive...but something inside of them that they choose to walk this walk.   And for that I say thank you...and I pray that you walk carefully...as no one can fill your shoes...

And I don't write to bring sadness...but maybe more to bring thought...that at this time of year at Christmas...LOVE was born...a Babe...Jesus who brought LOVE to the world...the HOPE of PEACE...and I was reminded of one of my LIFE verses...and I pray for LIGHT...

To give light to those who sit in darkness and the shadow of death,
To guide our feet into the way of peace.”   Luke 1:79

 

 

lyp

Only 29...Happy Birthday son...tomorrow I'm taking me fishing!

And today...though almost over...I stop and say Happy Birthday to my baby boy...29 years old.   Off on a trip tomorrow for work so I decide since I didn't see him on his birthday I would make a video...this song mostly the music and Eric Church who by the way my kids gave me tickets to go with them to see...but it reminds me of Lance...and I do love this song and reminder to take some time and go "fishing"...a few pics of the last year...and actually I still had a couple left over...but these I liked with the song...

So here we go...will see if it can be done...Something to watch in your down time...and so it appears that this will be a little bit later...but afterall your gift is riding around with the FedEx guy...

 

 Happy Birthday LaLa Click Here

Happy Birthday my son...so blessed to have you in my life.  I give thanks for you always!

lya

Another Birthday...Millers...

This morning at my kitchen table...I am reminded of a special family...The Miller's.   Today Chad Miller from Texas way (my Grandma Bessie's sister's grandson)...shares a birthday with his father (Everet) and his grandfather (Frank)...that has always been such a cool thing to me...quite the legacy...

Though today it is a bittersweet...as we can only fondly think of Frank and Everet...the Big E who recently left us...a big loss to many.   So today I think of Chad...of his Mama...of his brother...his sons...and all of his family.   Sometimes I am accused of talking too much of such things...and perhaps I do...but I do feel it important that those we have loved so deeply should remain not only in our hearts...but also in our stories...in our smiles...in doing so...we keep a little more of them with us always.

I had said something to Chad about seeing his Dad in him...and this morning this song seemed to fit...Would have been better if I would have put Miller pics in there...but you can listen to the song and run your own photos...though I put in a recent one that kind of shows my point.

And so I hope for a Happ"E" Birthday Chad...I know it is a hard one...but a special day to remember all the same and know what a special line you come from!    Just know that others think of you today and pray for you and your family.

Love from Colorado...Though it has been a long time...through your family...we are connected...

lyp

Root beer floats, PBJ's, and Jesus...Light shining...Matt...

I sit here in the night...listening to the memorial service for Matt Rusher...the stories told bring back pictures in my mind of him as a boy...more of when I feel I knew him a little more...but really I know I didn't know him...but in becoming a closer friend with his mom...I have been touched by her loss...I add this to where I had started writing soon after Matt was taken Home...a comfort to have that Peace...of those left behind...but still...I wrote...and I weave words written prior and words written now and think how there seems to be a connection...and reminders of a life...I barely knew...and so the other night I write...

And she weeps...a mother's tears...though not near her...I feel her heart crying...this child of mine...

And she cries...a young wife...alone in the darkness...this was not how she thought she would spend this night...

In the fleet of a second...a moment...lives forever changed...that this will be a measure of time...before and after...

Yet there is peace...peace in the fact that the one gone...LOVED and was LOVED...by this one called Jesus...Joy in our sorrow...Light in our darkness...Comfort in our pain...

There are no words that can be said that will take away this pain...this process...this process of life...I heard a song tonight on my drive home..."life is short even in its longest days".   And I reflected from earlier I had drove near where this young man said farewell to this world...I did not know him well...I remember him as a younger man...but I know his mother...and I know her heart hurts...to say goodbye to this child of yours...even though a man...always your baby....grasping tightly to HOPE...held up by love and prayers.   PRAYER...  

And I have posted in here songs I have been given at different times thinking of this family...and feeling the pain they must feel...this song seemed to be one...and I have to think Matt loved music as I seem to have had an influx of songs to include...but this one...Give me Jesus...not sure I have heard this version...but the other morning...it was a prayer...

 

I look at a picture his mother posted...I always remembered Matt in a cowboy hat...western attire...and so when I saw this photo...I wondered who the children and then I kept hearing of Matt's heart for the Philippines...and this smile just seems to shout JOY!

 

And after hearing stories...of seeing such pictures I understand why I had already pasted this song in...another song not that familiar with...one that seemed to find its way into this blog for a reason...

I messaged back and forth with Sandy...Matt's mom...and there in lies my connection...her and I have been connected by a Power higher than our own...one of those connections that I feel the Lord uses the social media to reach out...and so I ask her if it is okay to share Matt's last text to her to which she said yes.   In checking if it was okay to share my writing that it seemed to still be a work in progress... she told me that they would be putting up from Matt's farewell (it was my understanding he didn't want a funeral) and so I include the link... http://riverordway.com/#/resources/media for any that would like to listen...I laugh when she tells me that it has everything but the root beer floats and PB J's they shared...and so the name of this blog...of listening to the service I didn't attend...and so I share her text...pretty comforting words if a mom has to receive last words...

This is the last text I received from my Bubba

"I am no longer defined
By all the wreckage behind
The one who makes all things new ...
has proven it’s true
Just take a look at my life

Hello, my name is child of the one true King
I've been saved, I've been changed, I have been set free
"Amazing Grace" is the song I sing
Hello, my name is child of the one true King"

 

But I also received other gifts to share...gifts I captured...gifts that the Good Lord seemed to share for some reason.  As many of you know...I think sometimes God uses birds...butterflies...dragonflies...as reminders of those we have lost...sending us hugs from heaven...and the other day I felt pulled to take a walk...I did not take my camera which I usually do but I set off for a short jaunt wondering why the urgency to take this walk...when I came upon the old concrete...I knew why...there sat a yellow breasted bird...I think a meadowlark...but as most know....I am terrible in deciding what type of bird......though I want to call him a meadowlark...but it just stays there and I take out my phone which doesn't take the crispest shots and begin to click away as the words of a song that makes me think of my mother who has gone on...but just a song I love to sing and so I add a picture verse and another song...

 

 

 

And when I go to find one of my favorite versions of Allison Krauss...it pulls up from O Brother Where Art Thou...and I think about Matt working for the prison...and free from those walls...so I include that one...

 

 

So in thinking that I had got a picture for Matt...a link to his farewell...I thought tonight I will finish his blog...when on the way home...was quite the sunset if any of you seen it...it had a dust and red but the light was amazing...and so I stopped and snapped some...and then it seemed as though...that sunset much like the loss of Matt...there is darkness and turmoil and the sadness of losing one so young...who brought so much light to others...and I thought yes...look at that sunset...even in the dark...the light shined...a reminder to all of us...to let our lights shine...that even in the storms that brew...the verse that accompanied it from Matthew though I seen he went by Mathias...so I share "Mathias' Sunset"...



 

 

So I close with a song that I shared with Sandy...one that makes me think of my favorite son-in-law...one that makes me understand a little more what this family is going through...but thinking of we will see you again...and I think of a verse that the Lord has shared with me and I understand the connection all the more...because it is the loss of one that was lost too soon...of a mother's love...a wife's heart...

 

Luke 1:79New King James Version (NKJV)

⁷⁹ To give light to those who sit in darkness and the shadow of death,
To guide our feet into the way of peace.”

 

 

Love and prayers of comfort and peace in these days...may you feel the love of the Lord and of their precious Matt...and a reminder that though the formal farewell is over...a family still grieves...they are hitting the real life part...remember them...even if it is a prayer...a short message saying I am thinking of you...a phone call...an invite to dinner...let our lights shine...

 

lyp

Hear ye...Here ye...it's Izzy Day...

I sit here reflecting on the day...Izzy day!   This was proclaimed last night but one tired little Firecracker that yesterday was LaLa day and that today would in fact be Izzy Day!   Doing everything that Izzy wanted...we would start the day off with B's and G's on the menu...

So this morning I had an idea while laying in bed....to figure out some sort of sign proclaiming such...

And so upon awakening...I am called upstairs while I am in the kitchen making biscuits and gravy for one little princess...Well cooking the meat...Anyway I do my usual Fee Fi Fo Fum as I stomp up the stairs and then whatever rhyme I come up with usually finding one little "stinky" one as I sniff and search for one little Izzy Bell who is usually hiding under the covers...but today I proclaim "Izzy Day"...I then find her and sometimes wrestle...sometimes just visit...depending how awake she might be...

So I head back down to check on the biscuits and so the princess comes down and asks if she can help me...today she wanted up on the counter to help and asked if she could put the flour in and then was ready to stir as well...

...we share breakfast with Tim's cousin Ed...and a good morning of my house full...my kids home...and then the boys off doing "chores" and Heather going to shower and Izzy with instructions for a bath or shower to race her mom says, "Ahma the sooner we get my bath over the sooner we can play"...and so we get a bath in...actually she went to the ocean...there living a dolphin...a baby whale...a baby alligator...a baby octopus and what I say a sea turtle she says as she holds it up..."Ahma it's a crab"...to which I stand corrected and say I didn't know there were tea cups in the ocean.   Izzy says people lose tea cups in the ocean all the time...I had no idea...we floated them around and then when it comes to wash hair...we play where I welcome her to IHOP...well today it was Olive Garden because the "soup" of choice was chicken noki...I go to look up the spelling and perhaps it has gnocchi...she really doesn't care as much for the noki part...but that is another story.   I tell her welcome and ask if she would like soup and then I dump it on her...she enjoys the game as do I because there are days...she wants to do herself.   Then when it is time to soap...I spill ice cream all over her and we wipe off with a rag...how I treasure these moments...

After getting out of the tub...we dry off singing "Rock me Ahma like a wagon wheel"...then we get a few moments to which we play Mr. Fox what time is it...we sneak up while her mom is getting around and get past the bathroom door without being seen.  I was with Spy Girl you know.  She made me invisible.   We run to the bedroom find clothes to which her mom comes in and we are hiding behind the bed...her mom goes about her business...and we sneak out...

Earlier we had changed the goose...went ahead and did Halloween because I was informed that she would not be here for Halloween but would be doing trick or treating and "such"...I love when she uses this word...But I have her pose after she had went scavaging the house for coins to fill  her bank...her mom had cleaned out an old desk finding ALL kinds of pencils...a treasure you know!

And so after lunch having her choice...TACOS...accompanied by Oppy's homemade salsa with tomatoes picked from the garden...One little Firecracker tells Oppy that she wants to help him do stuff...and so since her ride with Uncle LaLa is about to leave...her and Oppy go check out his calves while her uncle works on ridding a few of the pigeons and her mom finishing packing out...I choose to stroll around with my camera and snap just a few more fleeting moments of IZZY DAY!

Gathering rocks...a shared love...

in her boots since she is helping Oppy!



Hands on our hips...



Catching a turn around and smile...



Uncle Lance on patrol...

Loves her mama!



And a few pics on our Hoopee rock...

Bocephus hanging out watching us all...



And I catch one last pic of those beautiful blue eyes as we find some juice for the road...

 

 

A good Izzy Day indeed!   But like I told Lance this morning about having an Ahma day...every day is an Ahma day...especially days as this...

lya

Family Tradition...

Here at my kitchen table I listen to the sounds of the morning...I watch the eastern sky wondering what will come next of this sunrise...it turning almost gray.    I think of yesterday and the abundance of gray skies that seemed to surround (eventually followed with beautiful Colorado blue)..   Almost fog and one special family was in my thoughts and prayers.   As the rooster crows I think of my journey yesterday...with thoughts of the family of Everet Miller...All I had written the day that we lost him when I started this was:

I sit here in the darkness and feel the loss from miles away...today we lost one of "the good ones" my brother called him perfectly.   Everet Miller...Big E...Ev...and of course I used to hear him called Butch.   He was my Grandma Bessie's sister's son.   A Texas man through and through.   He had such a love for life and just had such a way about him. 

I think of my Grandma's family and how there has been several losses this year...I came across a picture of Everet's dad....Uncle Frank from a reunion gone past...and he seems to be toasting while his sister's stand.   I think of a father being reunited with his son...I am taken back of the seriousness on all of these sister's faces because usually smiles...but I think it focuses all the more on the smile of Frank Miller...Butch's daddy...and I think of reunions...

And while on reunions...I find another pic...that all of the "more mature" cousins say is "Butch"...and I think about him joining the reunion in heaven...at what seems too young...but again...he might be one of those guys that just wouldn't have done well as an old man...he worked hard...he played hard...and I think to those he loved...he loved with a deep passion...

The picture was titled "Frank...Reedie farm by Bert Store"...memories of days gone by...that takes me back to my own memories...of one of my most cherished with the "Big E" as he was loving called by his family.   At our family reunions there is sometimes a competition between the different branches...and so at the last reunion I went to in Branson...we gathered the Adams branch that was there and I convinced Everet and Jimmie to join the "white trash bag pipe" band...we dressed in white trash bag kilts and we sang Family Tradition.   I still see Everet there and that smile on his face and singing along as this was not really in character of what I thought he might do...but how I loved him all the more for it...when together I seemed to gravitate to he and Jimmie...his sister Kay...special family...

And yesterday I thought of her as well...Kay losing her baby brother....and I thought of them as I told my brother, Shane, that they were a lot like us.   They thought so much of each other...and even if not together...they always knew the other there...and so I know there is just so many losses in the family...I think of his sons...his grandsons...his nephews and great ones...yes...he was one of the good ones and yesterday while thinking of him...a Don Williams song came on that there are certain ones that song goes for and Everet Miller you were one...

And as my day went yesterday...I passed a field of feed lying in the windrows...of harvest time...that we all must come to that place and though that is a truth of it all...it doesn't stop it from hurting like hell for those that are still here...but there is HopE...that word just keeps coming back to me...and as I drove yesterday down to the river...Everet was everywhere...HopE with a Big E...

But probably the one that caught me was the sunflower sitting next to the water hole...for those that didn't know him...Everet was a fisherman...a hunter...and though I didn't share those with him...it was a family tradition that he shared with others in my family...in his family...I think of his birthday being the same as his daddy's and that I think he has a son that shares the same day as well.  I think of the song family tradition and there is a line that says "I am very proud of my daddy's name" and though maybe not all of the song fits...it is family tradition that sticks.    How Everet loved his family...his boys...his grandsons...his wife.   Jimmie talked of spending Grandparent's day with all of them...Jimmie had said...

"Grandparents Day was a special day for Everet and I. The entire family, Chad, April, Colby, Ryland, Bryder, Everet and I had brunch at the JW Marriott in San Antonio. Lots of laughs.....beautiful food."

These gifts we are given...gifts we do not even know how very precious they are...but gifts all the same!   And I go back to the family tradition and a picture that I seen of some of Jimmie and Everet's most precious gifts (one I stole off of Jimmie's wall)...ones in which they adore...a couple of Miller boys that seem to have that same spark and twinkle in their eye...and though not enough time with their grandpa...I know that their daddy and others will pass on Big E stories for them...and there has to be plenty!

And I return to my day yesterday...of being down by the river...almost picturing Ev hunting...and the water...I had the word HopE in my head as I drove...and knew it had to go with this picture some how...HopE with a Big E in it...and one of the Scripture that came to me for all was Psalm 23...one of my most cherished...and so I add this pic I came upon...the sunflowers of his Kansas roots...the brush that makes me think of Texas...the tall grass...and of course the still waters...fishing waters...and I think this morning of someone in Heaven that loved him some fishing and hunting too...I HopE you meet up...

And then there is the kicker...I go to fix breakfast in between writing and decide...a day for some wild mustang Texas grape Jelly...and I have been given a hard time about how long my jelly lasted...but Cory or Rory...whichever one of you gave me the hard time...today I emptied my jar of grape jelly...and I would be lying if I said it didn't bring tears to my eyes and lump in my throat as I know today that one of the ones who helped make that jelly...is being memorialized today...and the other whose hands of love touched this I hold up in LOVE...and pray for her strength as I think of her and her family....

And much like that grape jelly...it is like life...though the harvest has come and the fruit is gone and even the remains...there is one thing that remains...LOVE...and I pray that when walking by  a stream...savoring some grape jelly...or singing along with Family Tradition...we will be reminded of one of the "Good Ones"...and I am thankful that I got to know and love such a man.   I will miss the out of the blue e-mails of some political joke or story that would show up and make me stop and think...give me a laugh...and though not much time with you in my life...a part of family...of the family tradition...Love you...and I end with two things I shared already but wanted to keep them close...for Jimmie and family for that matter...you are all stronger than you seem with a Strength that is there for you...and hE  and He will always be with you...

 

lyp

She loved me from the start...

Today the birthday of one of my favorite red heads...my niece Tonya...my husband's sister's daughter...one of...

I reflect on her and I picture a little red head and remember clear the first time I met her.   From the first time we met...we clicked...she liked me from the start...even if I made her mom sick to her stomach...because her mom said she knew I was the one her brother would be marrying...probably still make her queasy at times!

But I picture this little red head who had the cutest smile.   I found a picture but am having technical difficulties so if I can get it scanned tomorrow...I will put it back in.    I remember "Mushy" spending the night with us when not very old.   I hope she doesn't mind putting her nickname but I hold it as a name of endearment!   Always been one to give love and I smile now of her and her husband.   The Good Lord found her the perfect match.   And I am thankful that he tolerates me as well.   In fact even has hung with me through some wedding photo shoots.   My kids got me a camera like Jeff's so if problems...I could call him...to which I do.   I know it isn't Jeff's birthday but he and Tonya are a pair...a package deal.

So I say Happy Birthday and love you and thank you for loving me from the start...as I have loved you!

I do have some other pics that don't require scanning...might be a little older pic...but one of my faves!

HAPPY HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!

lyap

Bill Ray Scales...

Another that has been building...first reading a post by my cousin Jody of the loss of one of our own...then the other day a song...today a picture appears as it was the memorial for Bill Ray Scales...Bill Ray was what I always heard him called...I think because of many Bill's in the family...though I don't know if that is the case.

Bill Ray was the son of my Grandma Bessie's brother, Lem.   And also a light in the eye of his mother Aunt Bert...a pair forever etched in my heart...The picture I seen today and I share was Bill Ray as a young man...and with it the wife of his nephew shares:

Today we say goodbye to Mark's Uncle Bill. He was a wonderful man who lived a good life and overcame many obstacles. He contracted polio when he was 18 and lost the use of his lower body but that never stopped him from accomplishing his goals. He was inspiring and amazing. In the 5 years I knew him, I never once heard him complain. RIP Uncle Bill. #TBT

I look at his picture and I reflect on though he was one of the family's celebrities almost...I thought how little I really knew of him...I remember  him in a wheel chair. put there by polio..I remember my mom loved and enjoyed him and going to Emporia after the tornado and he telling of going through it in his car...and I had thought how brave he was...I remember it seems that same trip going to his and his wife Kathy's place and I remember music...of my mom being happy there...I am not sure the year and if it is in fact a collage of memories that I put into one visit. 

But as time goes on...I did not know Bill or see him as I got older and so I do what I do and I Google as I remember thinking there was a story written that he was in and I remembered he went to school in Emporia, KS...and so I find the article...and another handsome picture...making me think of the movie stars of that day...I remember he had a beautiful smile...and such an upbeat energy about him.   But I read in the article a little more of Bill Scales...This picture I "borrow" from the Emporia State University Spotlight... http://www.emporia.edu/dotAsset/910b718b-7bed-416d-9333-c72f67fcb7f0.pdf 

"The vision carried over to the students. Scales (BSE 1959, MS 1962) was active in disability issues as a student, then he became ESU’s coordinator of  services, and eventually became the director of disability

services at the University of Maryland in College Park."

I read how his way to access places in the college was to be carried by football players...and I wonder about more of what this story entails and I will have to talk to his sister some time and learn more...Bonnie...another amazing woman in her own right...and I know her heart must be heavy...and I send love and prayers and think of my other morning thinking of Bill...of Bonnie...of Vicki Jo a younger sister...And I find another picture of him with Vicki Jo...and I think of all the love this family shares...

I think of all the odds Bill Ray went up against in his life...he comes from tough stock and lived I am sure much longer than what many might have thought...and was an inspiration to so many...he was one who had a "disability" and instead of thinking poor me...he did things to make it better for others...I find an editorial to the same Emporia State newsletter...one that gave me a little more glimpse into the life of this one special man...

Responses to “A Promise of Accessibility”

I was delighted to see in

“Promise of Accessibility”

an old mentor, friend and

colleague, Dr. Bill Scales,

among those credited for

ESU’s richly deserved national

reputation as an accessible

campus. An inspiration to

ESU students with special

needs, Bill was a singular

force in the professional

development of this writer

and many others…. Few will

ever forget the boundless

enthusiasm, infectious laugh

and constant encouragement

that emanated from Bill as he

rolled in, around, up down

and throughout the campus….

To know and work with Bill

quite literally transported

those around him to a new

understanding of the disabled,

indeed of the very term itself….

Scales was an integral part

of the reason so many KSTC

graduates completed doctoral

degrees and had their own

highly successful careers in

higher education. No doubt I

speak for literally hundreds

when I say,

 

“Thank you, Bill,

for not only challenging each

of us to redefine ourselves and

what we might become, but for

the profoundly brave, warm

and supportive manner in

which you did it.”

 

- Gary G. Peer, Ed. D. (MS

1967), Stephenville, Texas

And I felt like those words gave just another glimpse and I think back to the other day as I showered and a song began to almost haunt me...and I then began to think of Bill...the song by Eva Cassidy kept playing in my head and I continued to almost feel a part of this man that had touched many...I think the part of walking in fields of gold...though I thought he must be running!

 I have had special pictures come to me that seem to be a picture for a special one that is no longer with us in body...and I think of the words of Bill Ray's niece Jody Rae..."Uncle Bill had a profound impact on my life. He was my friend, a confidant, and while I will miss him, I will never forget him."

And so I return to my picture...these sunflowers caught my eye today as I went and grained calves for the shepherd...and of course my camera with me.   Before I went to leave...a butterfly landed on it...Sunflowers...what more could a Kansas boy be remembered by...who ran the race with dignity and joy...thankful for those who come through our lives that inspire us to be more...Thank you Bill!

lyp
 

It is what it is...

Today I went to the funeral for Veleta (Larrew) Wilson...Aunt Veleta is how I thought of her...my husband's mother's sister...Though I hadn't been around her for quite awhile...I thought of times I had been and I thought...I do not hardly remember her not laughing and smiling when you seen her.   As the music played I could almost hear her laugh and that twinkle in her eyes and that certain way she would smile...I thought how I didn't have any pictures of her...so I went back in and tried to take one of the one there...and since I didn't get as good of a shot as I wanted...I played with it a little...so please keep in mind this is not the same as the pic sitting there amongst the flowers...but I love the blues and it seems almost a painting...

And I put her smile upon the sister bouquet...I loved the roses...and I think of those that lost a sister...because those are the ones I know...though I watched her sons...her grandchildren...her husband...and felt their pain of losing one who I feel was a glue in their family...and I send prayers of love and comfort during this time...to have someone who you love much...it leaves a bit of a hole in your heart...

A large family...and I think again  of the sisters...of their mother Grandma Larrew...Ruth...and see glimpses of her in them all.   I got a pic of the remaining siblings together...and it seems many a time...these are the times we get together as family...

I think of all of these...sisters...brothers...those that have known you your whole life...who know your story...I capture shots of part of the girls individually and think of them all...each tough in their own ways...but such beautiful women...like their sister who has gone ahead...and there was a poem included in her memory that made me think that when her family sees a rainbow...perhaps they will be reminded of a special sister...a special mom...a special aunt...a special wife...a special friend...

I always like to see those that come to pay tribute...and today as we got out...I look across the street and wonder if this bike belonged to someone inside...of the Wilson's and their motorcycle connections...friends there that may have came for the family...some that I seen this bike could belong to...thinking Veleta could have rode it...that she wasn't just a minivan kind of girl...

In losing those we love...it makes us think more of our own mortality...about our faith in Jesus...of Heaven...though I know those we love are not physically here...their love seems to transcend...and they are a part of us...

Music always touches me...and the songs chosen...seemed to hit many areas...of the Garth Brooks song...If Tomorrow Never Comes...and a reminder...If tomorrow never comes...will she know how much I love her...a reminder that we do not always have tomorrow...will those we left behind know how much we loved them...

Another by Carrie Underwood...See You Again...Where faith comes in that we believe we will see those we love again...

And then it all comes down to one of the three songs...a familiar favorite..."In the Garden" ...I find a beautiful version of Alan Jackson's version but the actual video won't come up so I just put a link...one to think about and ponder...AND HE WALKS WITH ME.  You really should click on and watch it...

In the Garden...Alan Jackson

And again I am brought back...and I think of Veleta's attitude...of Tim talking about going to see her and even though dealing with the darkness of cancer...he said she still was up beat.   And I think of being told her words..."It is what it is"...Instead of wallowing in feeling sorry and the poor me's... saying, "It is what it is."....and so perhaps after a fresh rain...and a rainbow appears...a good reminder to stop and think of someone who has gone to a better place and stop and say...It is what it is...

Godspeed Veleta...something was said today during your memorial...on the order of being successful...if you made a difference in someone's life...if their life was better for you being there...and they said Veleta Wilson was a successful woman...She was what she was!

lyp

 

Oh FIRECRACKER...Have a good day at school!

Just thinking about one little Firecracker who will be starting kindergarten tomorrow...I tell her to have a great day tomorrow...and she laughs and says OH I WILL!    I love that...she's already planning on it...I have been looking at a lot of pictures and so thought well I could look back at different August pictures...and up comes a picture of one little flower girl Firecracker...but the picture I find makes me smile as she is being held by Mike...who she will be a flower girl in his wedding as he marries a Lizzy...

And so I do a search for Izzy in my pictures...and so I throw some in...and I wonder how this time has gone so fast...she will be off for school...another milestone...and I love the joy she brings to life...her happy and so I put in a song her and I like...her mom not so much...but can listen to while you look at pics...I need to do my own...and you see a few of the many lives she has touched...and thankful for every day having a Firecracker in our lives...

 

And I think back of rocking her and playing the other day and I told her I remembered when I rocked her and she fit on my lap...so we took a selfie in the same rocking chair...So thankful for a happy little girl...and I know she will have a good day tomorrow...cause she told me so!   Hopefully she won't have to do jumping jacks!!!   And I think of her daddy and wonder if the years ahead she will take after him in school or be like her mama?    I am guessing  a little bit of both... 

 

 

God bless you and keep you Firecracker as you start this new adventure...and remember...I am always available to rock you Ahma...

 

Sorry if any duplicate pics...it's past my bedtime...sweet dreams!

 

lya