I was lead to a scripture after all this happened in Psalms 91:14-16 in my Living Bible:
"For the Lord says, 'Because he loves me, I will rescue him, I will make him great because he trusts in my name. When he calls on Me I will answer; I will be with him in trouble, and rescue him and honor him. I will satisfy him with a full life and give him my salvation.'And at first I cried..."Why didn't You rescue him?" But then I was reminded of how Jay was doing what he loved and though he was not rescued in the sense that I wanted him to be...he gave his life protecting those he loved. We were given the comfort that Jay died instantly--that he did not suffer...in times as these you take all the little comforts that you can get!
It went on to say I will make him great...and also honor him. For those of you who were a part of the ceremonies honoring Jay's life...you can not say anything more than what our "Firecracker" summed up at the end of the fireworks as she went to her mother and in that childlike innocence that seems to transform past any thing that the most studied scholars could say...I will never forget her looking to her mama and pointing to the sky and saying what I do not recall ever hearing her say before--"WOW!"
A whirlwind that I do not know if I can capture all but things I want to write down so that someday my Firecracker Izzy will have yet another memory of her daddy the hero. While the others went to the viewing, I held a precious little sleeping girl in my arms and we "rocky byed". I caught a pic of her laying in my arms and holding her little lamb and prayed that this little "lamb" would also be cared for...
I came across a text I had on my phone from Jay replying to a picture I had sent of his little "Peanut" in sunglasses playing at the park one day on one of our "Firecracker Flex Fridays". Jay was on his way to the doctor with a friend when I had sent it...Anyway I came across this text that I had saved because it was words that I wanted to remember. Her daddy's reply was, "Looking hot and having fun. She's kinda a big deal." And Isabel, words like that are ones that some never hear...but know that your daddy thought you were something special!
Anyway the service Monday night was one of comfort and one of hope...one that because of our faith...we can know that we will see Jay again some day and that he has gone to our Heavenly Home where my prayer is that we all will go some day. In one of the days of this time, I wrote:
Our God is an awesome God! I wish that we did not have to go through what we are going through. I have faith Lord but it is as though a dripping faucet--but even a dripping faucet can fill a pail. Fill my pail Lord--open up the spicket to my soul. Give us "water" to drink. As little Isabel said when they baptized her--when the water was poured on her hands..."More--More!"And as usual I get sidetracked but a side trip I wanted to share. BUT this is where the honor came in. Tuesday was a day I will never forget...a day that I have never seen anything like...and as many said--hope I never see again. While the others went earlier to see the MANY flowers...I stayed behind with my nephew Ethan, "sister" Jo, and Izzy at the house and then we would go later. And as we were driving through the sea of people and waves and waves of police officers and police cars I wondered how close we would be able to get. I have to say that this about took my breath away to the point almost of overwhelming. There was an officer, I am not sure from where, standing guard at the road leading to where we needed to go and I rolled down my window and said we have Izzy Sheridan with us...he smiled and said to pull right up front and park in the circle if we needed to. It made us all smile and feel a sense of pride...and yes Jay, these guys were looking out for your little girl...your "Peanut" cause you and I both know...she's kinda a big deal!
I have heard numbers ranging from 1,500 to 3,000 of police officers alone were there, as well as many family, friends, and just others wanting to pay respect. I am not sure if we will ever know how many. The Limon gymnasiums were filled as well as others outside. Jay's friend, Officer Michael Yowell, gave one of the most touching and inspiring words for his friend that I have ever heard. And his words touched the hearts of many...I continue hearing what an awesome job he did. But in Michael knowing Jay so well...I remember at one point the whole place boomed with laughter...now if that's not a gift for your friend who loved to laugh...it touched my heart...and I love you all the more Mike for that! Then how he had all of those fellow officers stand and just how much honor seemed to fill the room. A sense of honor I have never experienced before. Honor for a guy that was just an "ordinary" guy yet left this world as a hero...but I said Jay had that little "something-something". You can't put your finger on it...but he was special.
I remember the "Chief" standing up in front as the last call was played...and we all held our breath...waiting for the recording of Jay signing off. And seeing the Chief say, "Come on buddy!" And thinking to myself...Jay is still messing with you guys! Chief Yowell and his family are one special bunch!! THANK YOU!
|Governor Hickenlooper, |
Chief Yowell's daughter--Amie "pit bull" Yowell :),
Aunt Autumn, P-pa, Great Grandpa Pfeiff
all surrounding Izzy and her Mama
And I go back to the scripture I was given and I remember reading this and it said "FULL" life and I said, "What do You mean full life?" He was so young...and it hit me that it did not say a LONG life it said a FULL life! And I think of the words of my brother Shane, although the translation might be somewhat different...that if you have the love of a good woman, children you love and love you, friends and family who love you, and on top of that love what you do, and have a faith in Jesus that will carry you through the hard times...and I think yes he had a full life in the short time that he had here with us! He had more in his short amount of years than some hope for in such a longer span of time...
After the graveside was over I was holding Izzy and she wanted to see the flowers. I took her over there and she got down to look at the flowers in her pretty little dress that her daddy had picked out for her for Christmas...Out of the corner of my eye, I seen the photographer, and I stepped back as this was a moment that I wanted captured to share with our little Isabel some day when we could try to explain this day. This picture that I knew was a special one...ended up on the front page of the Denver Post. And though it was hard in some ways with the press--part of me knew that there were many others that should know and wanted to know about my "favorite son-in-law"--Jay Sheridan.
|Photo taken by Aaron Ontiverost...Denver Post|
And so I end this with a link to a couple videos that was made as a tribute...to this fallen hero! The first was done by an EMT who said she, "did not know him real well but Jay was the officer with me when I had my one CPR save and he played a huge part in saving that woman's life." And though these are painful to see...I was given words from my cousin Carol who when talked of losing someone we love...
"When I lost Phyllis, I can't describe to you the anguish, and I don't have to because you understand it but when I thought about not hurting, what not feeling that pain meant I realized that to take away the pain would devalue the love.And Carol I share your words because they have given such comfort as I know so many share this feeling and I want to share with others as we could easily put Jay's name in here...or others could put names in there and so I Thank you!
Would I have wanted to be without her in my life? Heck, no. I treasure every minute of time I had with her and if having that means hurting now, then I choose to hurt now. I can't think of any greater tribute to give a person than feeling pain when we're separated.
Its an uncomfortable, horrible feeling but I will gladly suffer it for the gift of having them in my life for however long I had them. That's no comfort but it makes it easier to bear. For me, it does anyway. I would do anything for my sister, including suffer."
YouTube Tribute by FFLilFox
Denver Post Tribute
"This is the message God has given me to pass on to you: