Ashes to ashes...

 Today...Ash Wednesday...first day of Lent...and I not one who really knew much of Lent other than my friends I remember would "give up something"...and 10 years ago I did not know anything of Ash Wednesday...10 years ago...Ash Wednesday...and though it is not March 9, 2011...it does bring back memories...

On the morn of Ash Wednesday...10 years ago...just another day of going to work.   Yet it was different in the fact that I had an experience that I may have not shared with many...though now the words seem to come out on my paper.   I had a picture come to my mind...a dream if you will...though I wide awake.  I don't know what it was...but I felt it to my core.  In this vision of sorts...I seen people reaching out from the ground...reaching towards me saying, "Why didn't you tell me!"    And as they reached...they cried out...as though reaching from their graves...

And then...that evening...the call came...the call that was as none I had ever received and pray never to receive again...the news that my son-in-law...Jay Sheridan...had been killed!!!   My daughter's husband...my granddaughter's Daddy...and that night...I remember those that sat with ashes on their foreheads...a part of their faith...a Faith that Jesus died for our sins...even though we did not deserve...and I had faith that Jay a believer...not because he deserved...but because he believed.

I have a picture I took of fire...an intense fire that just seemed to capture me...and with my ashes theme decide to put verses on it...

The first verse I find is in Genesis...of Abraham talking to the LORD saying, "I who am nothing but dust and ashes have taken it upon myself to speak to the LORD."    Just little ole me...and I thought sometimes how though not Abraham...have thought how I am not anything but here I am talking to the LORD...

...and then the other in Daniel...Daniel...one who could tell what a dream meant...one who was fed to the lions and came out to tell of it...of one who put on his sackcloth...sat in his ashes and prayed...prayed for those around him...in his sadness...and today I have been reminded from past and present...how precious life is...how we don't know...and I look around us...and I read further in Daniel's Prayer it was referred to and think of the word I have been given lately..."Mercy"...and I think of our nation...our world...both big and small...and these words stick out of how we all ignore many commandments...but the biggest...to LOVE...but the words I read a prayer indeed...speaking from our ashes...not because we deserve...but because we ask for Mercy...

“Now, our God, hear the prayers of your servant. Listen to my prayer for help, and for your sake do good things for your holy place that is in ruins. My God, pay attention and hear me. Open your eyes and see all the terrible things that have happened to us. See how our lives have been ruined and what has happened to the city that is called by your name. We do not ask these things because we are good; instead, we ask because of Your mercy. Lord, listen! Lord, forgive! Lord, hear us and do something!   Daniel 9:17-19

I read something when looking on Ash Wednesday...something that sort of resonates with me...and there is an article with the date March 9...only 2014...as I search for ashes and sackcloth...because what exactly is sackcloth?   Or as the New Century Version translation calls it "rough cloth".   But I find an article from erortega.com...one not familiar with...but the words are just from the initial search where I read..."In the Bible, sackcloth, and ashes was worn as a sign of repentance for sin.  Simply put, sackcloth and ashes was an external demonstration for an internal condition.".    INTERNAL CONDITION...

Whoa and part of this faith that I cling to...is of repentance...of forgive us our trespasses...and forgiving others...of believing in Jesus...in His Love...in His Life...and there plays a song that does not add to the sadness and loss I have been reminded of from past and present...but that which makes this Faith I cling to...that those who believe will RISE!!!   And so I leave with a song that picks me up...

As I sing along and give an Amen....

Well I keep on coming to this place

That I don't know quite how to face

So I lay down my life in hopes to die

That somehow I might rise

Yes I will rise

Out of these ashes rise

From this trouble I have found

And this rubble on the ground

I will rise

Cause He Who is in me

Is greater than I will ever be

And I will rise

AMEN!

Peace Janie girl...

 

February 7, 2021

Yesterday…and just the word…can mean the day before today…or many days before today…a special friend from several yesterday’s ago…so long ago I still call her Janie…though many refer to her as Laura…or Laura Jane…she the youngest of six daughters to Tom and Mary…Her next sister in line…Nancy…my best friend in first grade was the one who gave me the news that Janie went to be with God…but here on your birthday I write today which is now tomorrow…That you would leave this earth the day before you came...I think of your dash...that line in between your dates...and a picture and verse had popped up and I had thought of your journey Janie…of your sisters…this one from my kitchen table from a few years back…but funny it should pop up…

And from my kitchen table The moon and a bright shining star...if you look close you see...And an angel on my table holds the peace stone. I read one of my life verses..."To give light to those who sit in darkness and the shadow of death. To guide our feet into the way of peace. Luke 1:79 TODAY'S FORECAST: When seeking....may you seek Peace...

Janie that little sister that did much with us.   I have a picture of her from Hanover grade school at the old country schoolhouse we all attended.   She adorable I am sure since birth!!!   I remember finding this picture and us laughing of the culotte days and that beautiful long hair…

And then the yesterday’s turn to today’s and tomorrow’s…and time and life passes so quickly and we lose touch with those that have been such a large part of our lives and often we freeze them at some point in time…with the Spencer girls…all 6 of them…each went off to Canon City to a different school when they went to high school...but then somewhere along the way we reconnected…and Janie and I talked about that time in between in a conversation she told me, “I know so many adult years missed but when I think of you it's your blonde blonde hair and piercing blue eyes and so much fun to hang out with.   Well when Nancy would let me. She'd always say after you'd leave...she's MY FRIEND not yours...Rude but always let me buddy in too.”  But those friends who knew you when...even when they knew you when you and her sister would laugh so hard we would not always make it to the bathroom...yet the point...we laughed...those friends who have memories of your mom holding them and singing to them when they were afraid...childhood friends...friendships that you keep in your heart...even if you do not get to know them in later years...

I learned of the "grown up" Janie…she had reached out I think on Facebook…(Facebook not always the greatest place...but I do appreciate connecting with "old" friends) but anyway we just kept writing…we shared “Girlfriends in God” and as I went back and read on her birthday...different writings back and forth…just the day after she had passed on…surrounded by her sisters…and I found something she had told me a few years ago in September of 2018…she had written,

“I remember that a friend going thru chemo...I'll be ok with either way it turns out. If I don't make it look what God has in store for us all if we believe. Happy Sunday muah!” ljs

And it was as if she was writing it this very Sunday…a message to many of us who grieve her leaving…and I came upon more of her writings that Janie and I had shared a few years ago, “Yes, I often go down the dark tunnel and then I pray that whatever lesson not learned to help me get through and gradually see the light and He is in control. I've been thinking a lot about death...I used to be really scared... now not so much. I know more than I used to and cherish every day.”

Cherish every day…that’s one to keep with us…and I think how Janie and I had started writing back and forth…before…before cancer…before Jay killed…and I laugh as we had an ongoing of the weeds getting in our gardens…but as I read through I laughed as one of her words of wisdom to me after sharing some story and she says, “What a story.. it is how you handle your fear, struggle whatever the case may be. Chin up and I love this saying move on like a dog cover that shit and carry on.”    Oh Laura Jane…I loved I got to know your fun side and include a favorite pic…just because you adorable even making faces at me…

And I think how our lives were intertwined…and I had written, “So this morning I was thinking of you and another friend and had said my friends with cancer in my writing. It was as though God slapped my hand and said WHAT!!! This is not how to describe My child...and so it made me think how we let cancer or many other things define us...so today I ask...how do you want to be defined!!! Lyp

Janie replied back to me…”Pretty! Beautiful Smart, gorgeous lol I'm kidding. Tougher than nails. Thank you for always thinking of me. Too many of us have cancer.   wth? We push thru it all but I do hate that saying fight. ..so the ones that die weren't fighting...ugh don't get me started…”

I think of her reply…and she all the things…but yes tougher than nails…to endure the time she went through what she went through…and I think of her sisters and mom…each being there in their own ways…I continue with some of her own words…because they touched me…and so I "borrow" a picture of her that a friend had captured and I told her made me just say Janie…her words…”We all have a hill, mountain or bump in the road.  What I know for sure is you pick yourself up and dust yourself off and try again.  It’s life.”  ljs

I am sure others know of her encouragement…She sent me different things and I came across this verse… “Let us therefore come boldly unto the throne of grace, that we may obtain mercy and find grace to help in time of need.” (Hebrews 4:16) Eagerly approach his throne and find help. He cares for you.”    During times when she going through a lot…she encouraged…even one of the last things written to me...a Love you Pen Pen and then I am fine...after she had met with the hospice...but then sometimes her words were a sort of kick in the butt…that even though we didn’t have many in person talks…and sometimes I think we would have never conversed of such things…me one to hold back and she says,

“Peace and joy. I think of an arrow...pulling it back you have to just let it go. Take the leap. God's with you for sure. Quit putting on the skids lol”    

Usually ending with laughter out loud…Janie encouraged me to write…and so...that is what I do as I think of you...

My heart is with her and her friends…I think of her “ya ya’s…  and especially her family...her mama who she loved dearly...her sisters... and especially my life-long friend Nancy…I know each of your hearts aching…yet knowing how blessed we all are…another couple pictures I steal…might be a little blurry because of copy and paste...but I love them all the same...

 

After I had heard you were gone…I took a walk around a pond as the sun set and a picture with a verse that had popped up from years ago…I think of it and then I add it to another...to your sunset as I watch a lone duck on this pond and the words come to me…Peace…and I give thanks to our God for you…for Jesus taking you home and giving you rest…and as I walked…I thought of your long beautiful hair and a picture in my mind of you riding full speed on a beautiful horse…with both mane’s flying…Oh Janie girl…until we see you again…thank you for being you…and thankful God shared you in our lives…lyp

 I had about forgot I wanted to include a song...by a singer we both loved...and guess there must be a reason...