I have a day home sick...and decide to work on this that has been on my heart for a few days and I must rid it to this paper or I suppose this screen...and so though I began writing the other night...I add more on today...
I am not sure how long this blog has been brewing...as I sit by the fire...the Christmas tree glowing...my Nativity on the fireplace...with a light with angels saying PEACE...and though my heart should be content...I am saddened...today two police officers in New York City were killed. And my heart hurts...hurts for those left behind...Hurts for the darkness that is in our world...the lack of care and love for another...the disregard for life of how very precious it is. There has been much controversy over officers shooting first...and as with most experiences we go to the side we know. I know first hand what happens when one doesn't shoot first...I watch my granddaughter grow up without her daddy...I watch my daughter missing a man who she loved much...and I sometimes think what if...I share a part of their Christmas traditions...we visited the cemetery to take a wreath...and I capture a picture of Heather giving Izzy a kiss...and I know how much this mama loves her little one...how she is a reminder of her daddy...sometimes good...sometimes full of mischief...but a symbol of a love that these two shared.
But as I watch these two deal with life...of feeling joy...of celebrating life...and I am proud to have them as part of my family...of not wallowing in self-pity but just putting one foot in front of the other...I do not do this to gain sympathy or draw attention...I write it to capture these moments in time...to share this pain that we share...to ask others to join in prayer that there might be peace...for Providence for those who walk that Blue Line...to stop and appreciate these moments...
I pull up snapshots in my mind of recent days...I remember hearing of the "Ferguson" controversy and all the publicity that it seemed to generate...all the hate that seemed to be brought to the forefront and I write in my journal...I write of prayer requests and how Jay's mom had asked for prayers for a friends sister who was dying of heart failure and I write...
…how many of us are dying of heart failure…that’s it Grammy…you added the final piece I needed perhaps…it is heart failure…that is why cops die for no reason…others have no regard for human life…it is heart failure…Jesus…heal our hearts…Indwell deep into our soul….it is compassion but not that alone…it is washing of feet…putting others above ourselves…It is of Christmas…the true meaning…a gift of Love…of a beating heart…of life…magnified into our daily lives…If we get past the selfishness…the commercial…if we tear it down…there awaits a Babe in a manger…where the shepherds found Him in the dark of night…with what…one shining Light. LORD light your light in our darkness…heal our hearts...
And I am reminded of a song from Jay's funeral...a song that comes to mind often when I think of the darkness that seems to be around us...and instead of adding to the darkness...to shine a light...I see where it is as though we are being divided into sides...and like I said it is what we know in how we make decisions on what we feel and believe. A Point of Light...
As I write this I listen to a press conference televised from New York City...and I listen as the mayor of New York and though he might have said other things I do not know of...I appreciate how he pointed to the media...that they hold responsibility as well...as we all do to some point in how we react to the negativity and can choose to fuel it...I think of Ferguson...and what I seen was not those who felt some injustice...assembling with a candlelight vigil...but instead looting and tearing down their own city...screaming of prejudice when in fact the ones screaming loudest were in fact putting all police officers in one pot. Fueling a fire of hatred...
Often I think our police officers are seen as an enemy...when in fact they put their lives on the line...and I am taken back as the mayor begins to talking of hope and light... and then it is spoke of how so many leaders and so many average NYPD officers are trying to bring community and police together...and again I think what we know. I think of one of the children of the fallen New York officer, Rafael Ramos, who I read that his son's father was not lost...he was taken from him...and his words he wrote were...
"Today I had to say bye to my father. He was there for me everyday of my life, he was the best father I could ask for. It's horrible that someone gets shot dead just for being a police officer. Everyone says they hate cops but they are the people that they call for help. I will always love you and I will never forget you. RIP Dad."
I know that before Jay Sheridan became a part of my life...I too really did not know of cops other than those who caught me when speeding or as the other day...I believe stopping me to make sure...well not sure what he was thinking. Okay so I was coming from taking some pictures and I took the side road at Manzanola...the drive home I had been thinking of my son-in-law...thinking of a friend's son who had lost his life on this very road...and I looked and the light seemed just right so I pulled over and started taking a few pics of the corn stalks and grain bins...then I went on and decided to pull over and take a few more shots. Granted that this road is not heavily traveled but in clicking I looked in my rearview mirror and this is what I seen...I was sure I had pulled off far enough so wondered why...
Red and Blues...but I begin to laugh...as I could hear Jay Bird's giggles...and the young officer explains that he had seen me stop and then stop again and thought I was having trouble. I am sure he is thinking what is this crazy old broad with her camera doing (and wondering how I will be described at coffee). In our conversation I tell him that my son-in-law who was killed in the line of duty...and I start to say is probably laughing at me...but before I finish with that thought he gives a look on his face as I have tears in my eyes and I tell him to be careful out there (thinking this is some mother's son...some sister's brother...possibly some child's daddy...some woman's husband...) and he says something of hoping he has his back...and then I finish telling him that I figured my son-in-law was probably laughing at me getting stopped. He tells me that he was just making sure everything was okay. But I guess my point is that each time these men and women stop a vehicle especially one such as a vehicle erratically traveling down a side road...and the thoughts I am sure...are they drunk...stoned...waiting to bring harm...running from something...or in my case just suffering from a photography addiction. No I didn't take this picture right when he stopped...I waited until he went to run my license...
But I guess I share this story of thinking about what these individuals face...and I think of them as regular guys...I listen as a little Firecracker asks her mom the other night if she can take her sword to dinner...to which her mom says no but she says...I want to fight Jake. Her mom says that might not be good for a little girl going to a restraunt...fighting a police officer in uniform with her sword. But when telling this story to the shepherd he says...he is not always a police officer to her...he is Boston's daddy...he is her buddy Jacob...and I think of going to a birthday party. Of Jake, most of you know I think very highly of this young man and his family, but Jake trying to put together a surprise party for the love of his life...the mother of his baby girl. And I find that I pretty much only have one picture of the three of them together from this night...
And I think how a picture...just one snapshot can say many things...some true some not...one might think that Amy was serving Jake cake...that poor little Boston wasn't getting any...when in fact...Jake was serving cake that he had skillfully sliced so beautifully...and Baby B was ready to eat it up to which she did...that these two were just enjoying time together that they do not get a lot of...and perhaps I go off on my bike...but maybe we all need to stop and realize things aren't always as they seem...and perhaps before forming an opinion...we should know the facts...
I think of how I appreciate these "men in blue" and "women in blue"...that they are not the enemy...they are men and women trying to protect...no they are not perfect. I find a picture that to our family...these are family and as with family I know they are not perfect...but I also know that days when I go to work...I really am not concerned that I could be putting my life on the line...that I might only have seconds to make a decision that might or might not cost me or someone else their life...the blue line...I used to know nothing of...
And in this "brotherhood" my girls are connected to this "brotherhood"...and I love this picture...mostly of how one little girl looks at her daddy. Boston in the arms of "Aunt" Heather. Who Heather and Izzy adores this family. But also surrounded by those...one of which a friend of their theirs and both of these little one's fathers...the other never met Jay but patrols now because of the loss of Limon 4...
Of another special dad and daughter...and I am thankful for them all...just regular men with regular hearts who love their little ones...but put their lives on the line to help protect these little ones...or in some cases these bigger ones...but the love is there...and I look at this picture of one who may follow in her father's...perhaps not exact footsteps...but her own...in possibly following in this path of serving and protecting. Russell and Madison...a special pair...
And I think of sitting around talking of what is going on the next day...one of which...Darrin who works for the sheriff's department...and says he has to go in but not working...but doesn't really expand...to which Jake goes on to say that he is going to get an award for helping save the life of a baby...but in trying to find details on this story there is not any I can find...and I realize how often we are surrounded with the negative...the dark and not the light...the bad and not the good...and it brings to mind a story to which happened while hanging out with Izzy...
So while her mom at work, Izzy...well actually it is "secret agent Izzy" but I ask her which stocking hanging on the walls is hers and which her Mom's. She points at each though I can't tell which is which...and I say is yours on the right or on the left. To which she becomes a little put out and stands up and begins to call on her secret agent phone...
Hello secret agents...I have one here (please note at this time I am not Ahma...not sure who I am but I am not Ahma but this one here)...anyway she says I have one here that does not know her right from her left...and she carries on a little bit of a conversation. To which she then makes another call..."Santa...I have one here that doesn't know her right from her left. So she is already on the naughty list...do you think I should call the police...she can't even cook...well she can cook but not very good." So she hangs up from Santa and says she is calling the police..."Jake, I got one here that doesn't know her right from her left...can you take her to jail?" She then says I will call a teacher..."Teacher I have one here that doesn't know her right from her left...can you teach her something?" She then goes on to say she can't cook very good either and so she then calls the chef. "Chef, we got one here that doesn't know her right from her left...can you help her?"
And I think of how there are many of us who don't know our right from our left...our right from our wrong...perhaps if more teaching...more seeking in the Word before us...perhaps if more people were involved in the life of a child before they become filled with hate and anger...
I realize as in true Ahma fashion I have given you quite the bike ride...but I think of prayers to be said...of lights to shine in the darkness...to not pick sides as to black and white...or cops or not...but of Good and evil...to choose that which is good...the Firecracker and I one day talking of God...and I asked who she thought God was and she told me, "One of the good ones!" Through a child's eyes it was not color of skin...occupation...it was about the GOOD...
And so I ask you to join me in praying for healing for our nation...healing of hearts...to pray for Providence over these special individuals that choose to walk that line for good...and not for the "big paychecks" they receive...but something inside of them that they choose to walk this walk. And for that I say thank you...and I pray that you walk carefully...as no one can fill your shoes...
And I don't write to bring sadness...but maybe more to bring thought...that at this time of year at Christmas...LOVE was born...a Babe...Jesus who brought LOVE to the world...the HOPE of PEACE...and I was reminded of one of my LIFE verses...and I pray for LIGHT...
To give light to those who sit in darkness and the shadow of death,
To guide our feet into the way of peace.” Luke 1:79
To guide our feet into the way of peace.” Luke 1:79
