And today I think of my Aunt Arlis...moving places...though I know she moves places moment by moment...there is a saying that I often say..."Of all the things I have lost...I miss my mind the most." Yet I do not begin to understand...and would hope I never will...though there is that possibility that any of us can.
My Aunt Arlis....she was always the kind of woman I wanted to be like...she was athletic in school...played ball with the boys and I watched her play on an outsiders team and she still had it...well until she broke her foot...but she also could type 100 words per minute on a MANUAL TYPEWRITER...to me that was just quite the feat...she was on the school board...many of these things to me were such cool things...work hard...and make some awesome pinto beans and bread...
And so I get a chance to go see her the other day. I had called the girls ahead of time...and so they may have told her but when I walked in she said well Penny...and I took a seat beside her and gave her the slice of Fargo's pizza I had smuggled in for her...She said it had been awhile and so I told her it was around Valentine's I had brought her chocolate and she said...Oh I remember the chocolate! And it made me smile...I had wrote in my journaling a while back about something that we had done with Izzy...and I pull it up and I was referring to Valentine's day going to the movie Frozen with Izzy and Oppy (my shepherd)...and her other Grands...Grammy and Grandad and her mama...but I wrote:
A moment to cherish...I hope Izzy remembers but perhaps it is like Aunt Arlis...we do not remember all of the moments but we remember feelings of joy...of love...and those do not go away...or my HOPE is that they do not. I suppose like in the movie Frozen...our hearts if hit can turn to ice and we lose ourselves...and cannot live...but if we choose to LOVE it can thaw even the hardest heart...I almost feel a blot in the makings here...
Yes I wrote a BLOT...perhaps I could start a new word...I put a blot of ink about this and about that...I mean surely that is as good of a word as blog...okay I get off my subject...back on the bike I go...
But as Aunt Arlis and I sat in the living room of this home...surrounded by others who not near as good...a woman who sits in total silence...and I wonder where she is...you hope in happy place though she does seem at peace. A man who sits and holds a little doll as it seems to help him...I have met his wife with him...and then there was another woman...I do not recall her name but she was in such a place...I did not feel her peace at all...she continued to be restless...of seeing things not there...and Aunt Arlis...trying to calm her down...to tell her to keep seated. But then there was a moment that Aunt Arlis' fire came as this woman says that she has two phones and she won't let her use either one of them. Aunt Arlis became a little upset and in a stern voice says we are not going to start that crap. We will nip that in the bud right now. That is not true and we aren't going to start that. To which the woman understands that this is not something she wants to pursue.
This woman calls out a name to which I ask who it is and she says...I don't know. She then begins wanting to go see her mother. Which Aunt Arlis tells her she is not here any more she has gone to the "Good World" I think she described it...and Aunt Arlis begins talking of good times we have had...of dancing. And I tell the girls there that she is an amazing dancer...and I think that these young caregivers...do not know the Arlis I knew...that we each have our story...and in our talking of good times she says, How I miss Bessie. (This is my grandmother...her mother-in-law). I say so do I and she said words that haunt me and cause me to think...She said she missed her and then she said I wonder if anyone will miss me when I am gone? And I tell her I will. As I think to myself...I already do...I miss the woman that I once knew...yet I am blessed that I am allowed glimpses and am allowed to carry on good conversation and can feel her love and though we repeat things...as most know...I am good about talking about something over and over...we talk of how Aunt Arlis pressure cooked her pinto beans...and how I had ate some that reminded me of hers and I thought of her...of her tuna casserole...of how Kim takes good care of her...how Glen is working...
And so I think of my cousin Kim as she moves her mother from this place to another...Namaste...I think of yoga...the guy I have watched says it...not sure if all do...my knowledge of yoga is somewhat limited...though I would like to begin again...okay back on the bike...so I "Doodle" it and find the definition in the "Urban Dictionary"..."an ancient Sanskrit greeting still in everyday use in India and especially on the trail in the Nepal Himalaya. Translated roughly, it means "I bow to the God within you", or "The Spirit within me salutes the Spirit in you" - a knowing that we are all made from the same One Divine Consciousness." And I could probably write on this...but I leave it alone as it is time to bring this to a close I suppose...
But my thoughts and prayers go with Aunt Arlis. I read one of the verses from Jesus Calling...
"You will keep him in perfect peace, Whose mind is stayed on You. Because he trusts in You." Isaiah 26:3
And I am reminded of conversation the other day when Kim talked of her pain...her sadness and she shared these words:
“It’s not the kind of
sadness to where you cry all the time, but more of like the sadness that
overwhelms your entire body, leaving your heart aching and your stomach
empty.Making you feel weak and
tired.And yet you can’t even sleep
cause the sadness is in your dreams too.It’s almost a sadness you can’t escape.”
To these words I had replied of not knowing her pain but of losing a mother I knew...though she had to do it slowly...but another friend put something that stuck with me...she said as women we want to FIX IT! And that is so true...I want to fix it so Kim does not have to feel this pain...so that Aunt Arlis does not feel the pain...but I think in this life...we will have some pain...until we get to the "Good World"...and the Coldplay song Fix You comes to mind...and my faith makes me think that only our Lord can really FIX US!!
And I share it with Kim who we share the love of music...and though I cannot fix you...I pray for your strength...for your peace as you make this part of your journey. I love you and love your mama! And I caught a picture while there of her in her blue jeans and sweat shirt and the light was bright that day...perhaps why I didn't catch her eyes wide open...and perhaps it is something I cannot fix...and so I do what I can I pray...I love...please join me...
And I share a picture that I had seen...it looks like it is taken from JudyBelmont.com or PositiveOutlookBlogs.com...but I think it is a good one...
Today...the first day of SPRING! I have been waiting for this day. I must say I LOVE SPRING...though often here in Colorado you don't blink or you might miss it. Sometimes it seems there is winter and then all of a sudden summer and the spring is missed!
I took a picture the other day when we were out getting pictures of lambs...and I love this one because I think it is March in like a lion out like a lamb...or is it Spring...NO I think it is March...but I loved this picture...because these lambs aren't just your little docile sweet little lambs. These guys are packing some attitude...gotta love that in a lamb...or people really. To not just be this little lamb sitting there fragile...but one that says...catch me if you can!
And I have another lamb picture that probably illustrates more how I am than like these that I would like to be strong hitting the ground running...going head on with whatever is in front of them...
Yes this is probably me more often...oblivious to what might be around me...oh yes content...but oblivious all the same. OBLIVIOUS: "not aware or not concerned about what is happening around one". Hmmmm maybe not oblivious...I am concerned...but if I close my eyes will it go away...aaa nooo...
I think of a song that I really like and have liked for a long time and must say when we heard Lady A...I enjoyed them singing it as well but I go to find the video and do I use the Avicii version or not. But I come upon this video and featuring the song sung by Aloe Blacc...and I think how often we do turn the other way. I talked to a guy yesterday that is my age...you know he is getting up there...but he and his wife are adopting two little ones. WHY? Because someone needed to love them. I heard of another family that took on like 5 kids. And I think what amazing gestures. And here at times I don't even do the tiny little things that don't require much...
So wake me up I think...and this morning at my kitchen table in the darkness of the morning...though today the first day of spring and I find a definition from almanac.com equal darkness and light...
On the first day of spring—the vernal equinox—day and night are each approximately 12 hours long (with the actual time of equal day and night, in the Northern Hemisphere, occurring a few days before the vernal equinox). The Sun crosses the celestial equator going northward; it rises exactly due east and sets exactly due west
But as I sat at my table I seen the MORNING STAR...I laugh to myself because I had just heard someone talking about the "morning star" yesterday and thinking I really do not know much of it...but I go to take a picture of it of course. As I go out in the darkness with promise of light coming...I hear a wrestling sound...it is Bo. Looking at me as to why did you wake me up but he watches me try to take a picture. I have not mastered settings as this but I get my camera to go and it is one in which holds the lens open longer to capture...and so it is a shaky one but does make the star stand out...
So though shaky as in much of my ways of learning and this picture doesn't show how dark it really was...which is kind of cool...but the verse that I found of the morning star:
"...which you do well to heed as a light that shines in a dark place, until the day dawns and the morning star rises in your hearts." 2 Peter 1:19 And I hear in the song "Wake me up"... "life will pass me by if I don't open up my eyes...all this time I was finding myself and I didn't know I was lost! I tried carrying the weight of the world but I only got two hands...Life's a game made for everyone and love is the prize!" "So wake me up I think...when I am wiser and I'm older..." And he repeats..."I didn't know I was lost"...and I think of my faith.. I listen to the song again..."Feel my way through the darkness guided by a beating heart...I can't tell where the journey will end...but I know where to start..."
I take a look at Jesus Calling for the day...and I think of winter is gone...the cold dark days that settle in our minds at times...
"I shower blessings on you daily, but sometimes you don't perceive them When your mind is stuck on a negative focus, you see neither Me nor My gifts. In faith, thank Me for whatever is preoccupying your mind. This will clear the blockage so that you can find Me."
Spring has sprung...WAKE ME UP!!! Hmmmm I sound kind of like I might be a grizzly bear!
It is time to put this to a close...a touching of my heart for weeks...longer than many I have written...but all seemed to build into this one...matters of the heart...and I apologize if it does not make sense...I will blame on lack of sleep...sinus...and the medication thereof...
I sit here in the darkness...what might be considered the middle of the night...when I first looked at the time it was 3:16 a.m. and that was after I had let Otis out...yes spending the night with my girls up in the big town of Limon. After a day of shopping on Firecracker Flex Friday and I realize that it has been 2 weeks this writing has been building...I listen as the clock ticks in rhythm...of the sounds a restless dog is making...and try to figure out if it is the sinus medicine that has me wired...or just life...and me turning into an old woman who sleeps from time to time...
And yesterday...we went shopping...a lunch at Old Chicago...surrounded by many in uniform...military. A little Firecracker so big...ordering her own drinks and meals...connecting with our waiter who takes the time to let her know that she is special...of course I had just told her that a song was singing of her...I'm special...so special...and that you are Izzy Bell...that you are. Even if you and your mom ditched me as I went to the restroom and you two ran out to hurry and beat me and in making sure you were buckled in before I got there...the doors were locked...oh a little rain never hurt anyone...especially an Ahma! I hopping back in the backseat and away we went (hmmm hopping...).
We went looking for what we wanted to take to the cemetery...Three years...in ways gone by so fast...and in other ways seems as though an eternity...we have a fun time shopping and in addition to what we went for...we find a bouquet of flowers for one Izzy Bell...all colors of daisy type flowers...and I love watching my daughter be the "best mom in the whole world". And later it is discussed between one little Firecracker and myself...when she tells me she loves her mom more than me and I say I loved her first and she says I love her most...and she says not as much as me Ahma. I remember something I had read...and I tell her well you have loved her from the inside...and she says and you haven't have you...to which I reply that I have not. But that I did have her inside me. She says do you love her as much as me Ahma? And she repeats the question. I say I love you both this much and keep spreading my arms several times as if more than just one outstretched arms...but this does not seem as large a number as her missing her mom 89 and it seems like to the moon and back and 89 and Ethan commenting something of being measured in two different ways...and us deciding it is a lot because if it is 89 in Izzy's world...that is a lot! But I get back to our conversation and she tells her mom we are twins mom. Because Ahma loves me and you as much as I love you!
I think back of our ride home now in the snow and seen a lot of snow falling...but it is that beautiful spring snow that is full of moisture that you just can't help but appreciate. We stop for fuel and snacks and a little Firecracker finds a Buzz Lightyear apple juice and we come up with other snacks as well. Perhaps in need of a nap...as we drive she drops her apple juice where she cannot reach it nor I where I am not sitting in the front seat because the back is filled with a Peanut and our loot. She also drops something else...maybe part of her new Little Mermaid toy...but we hear this little 4 year old say this is the worst day ever. Her mom and I smile to each other...and I say I bet your mom wishes that...to which her mom says something on the line of this day is better than many of her regular days at work...and we talk of how being so young she doesn't remember our worst day ever...and that is okay. Later her and I are looking at pictures and we find a video that her mom recorded Izzy and her daddy in the swimming pool...a little Firecracker sitting on my lap and wanting to watch it again and again until she is quoting the words of her mom adding sound in talking of the daddy squirting the mommy with water and the Peanut maybe picking her nose...and after watching she would say watch it again Ahma...
So I go from this Firecracker Flex Friday...which is approaching the anniversary of when we lost Jay...though he is very near our hearts...and I look in the darkness and see outlines of a flag presented to Heather...sillouettes of pictures taken...and the clock just keeps ticking...like a heart beat in the night and sometimes in this room...in this house...I feel strong connections with Jay Bird...and time has passed and I still unable to sleep and so I continue to write. However...I connect to what I began writing a couple weeks ago...
And my emotions seem to be a little raw tonight...and I sit here in the darkness reflecting on the last couple days. A roller coaster of life all within 48 hours. Yesterday morning as I was getting ready to leave home to go spend my Firecracker Flex Friday with my favorite Firecracker. I had thrown in extra clothes for staying the night...though wasn't certain why or if I would. But as I am heading out the door I get a text. A text that says the Chief...well I put in the Chief even though the text had his name...because that's just what I often hear him referred to...but says he had a heart attack! It says that he is good. But still it hits you...a WHAT!!!
I know this man has a strong and good heart...though his heart could be a little tender from the roller coasters of life! The love...the losses...and just from using it! And in the one hour and 15 minute drive to Limon...one always has time to reflect. I had a black car come out of nowhere...my first thought was that it was a sheriff car...but it moved on past me...unmarked if it was one. And I think...that is how things hit you...sometimes not expecting them at all but all of a sudden they are there riding your ass and you just want them to move on past you. And I am glad to say that it sounds like the Chief will be coming home. So we give thanks for that! (Actually it sounds like he is home--good news Lynn).
So I go on to my day. I knew I was going to have the Firecracker...Miss Izzy...while her mom was working and that later I was going to get to hang out with a little Miss Boston. She being the daughter of one very special police officer and his very special wife. Jake and Amy...love this couple...and love that they share one special little Baby B...WITH ME! So I get to my daughter's house and she is getting around for work...usually her day off but those dang accountants...We talk about the Chief and she says that she had told Miss Boston's folks that "Baby B" could come over earlier if her dad would like a little more rest. You see sometimes in a small town...a small police force...is affected by things such as oh the chief having a heart attack. Or just the fact alone that dad was on the night shift and the adventures of juggling precious things like little girls...and sleep. I remember special days hanging out with Jay Bird and letting him sleep on a Flex Friday...while I got to play. A fair trade...just like yesterday. LOVE time with such special blessings!
And I tuck this away for morning...it is 11:11 STAMP IT! And I decide to finish in the morning...and morning comes and goes and a new night and I think of what pics of my day with two special little girls...
Heather went to pick up Boston and one little Firecracker comes bopping down the stairs and tells me when Boston gets here we need to get the jumper thing and of course...Izzy Bell needed to be the first to hold Boston...and I grab my camera because I love snapping moments that I want to keep in my heart...of special days...of special memories...of people that I love! And I love how Miss Boston has such a way about her...her little personality of taking in everything and at the same time making Izzy laugh. She told me Boston isn't my sister or cousin..."she's my Silly!" Even though she is looking pretty serious in these pics...I think it is her cop face that her daddy taught her.
I catch Boston in the jumper and catch some smiles from this little serious face. Though serious she is such a laid back little girl that seems okay with whatever. Even though I wonder about teething she was a sweetie. A little snugly and good to be held...and so I suffered through it. And Izzy the Firecracker is definitely growing up on me...but I got to hold them both on my lap and I was thankful I had inherited two laps as Lance once said of my mom so she could hold both of my kids at the same time.
And before we knew it...it was lunch time. Though some negotiating...we got to go to Ruby's for a short horn. Miss Boston...got to take in some carrots! So we met up with Izzy's mama and she took Baby B to who I loved how she kicked back while taking her bottle...little Joe Cool!
Ahhhh carrots!
And then there was Firecracker who was hamming around...how I love those blue eyes!
And there was time in the jumper...how I remember Izzy jumping in this very same one and the music that it played and I am taken back to Izzy being this very age. I love how these little ones seem to learn so much. I was surprised as I was helping Izzy and Boston was sitting right by us on the floor and I sat in the chair which Izzy got right over by me and before I knew it...Baby B had pulled herself up and standing there! But I loved that I caught smiles and though she reminds me a lot of her daddy....I think when she smiles...I see all the more of her mama.
And before you know it...while little Baby B is sleeping on my lap...her Grandma comes to pick her up and off she goes. And I wonder when I will see her again...but thankful for time with her...and then fix the Firecracker some spaghetti and FINALLY her mom gets home from working and I go ahead and stay the night since I was invited so we could have a sleepover and stay up...
We make the night and I worry about Otis who decides to stay outside...and so 5:30 I am out looking for where he is hiding...under the trampoline...and so we head back in...and I am hoping that no one is up and about and sees me out and about...
The new day begins and we have waffles...and Heather decides to go into work for awhile on this Saturday...which it takes one little Firecracker and I a while to get around and while getting around I get a text from my friend Mary that her sister-in-law Sherri has passed...and I think of the words...and think she has passed from this pain and suffering she has endured. I think of a song that I had came as driving to work the other day...and I think...this song is for Sherri's family...as I have been through battles with cancer...when the one's left behind have to let her go...I think this song is for another blog...but while listening to that song...I hear a song this morning that seems like a part of this blog. It came on when I was looking at pictures of the girls it began playing...
These pictures are from our "picnic" yes it was a little chilly Saturday afternoon...but those eyes just want a picnic...with our lunch from the "chili place" (for those not in the know...it is Wendy's) and so Izzy Bell and I go pick up her mom and we head for Wendy's loading up on chili for our picnic...a picnic with snow...but I loved the pictures I got...and so back to the song by Passenger...Holes...and it makes me think of how we all have holes in our heart...from things that have caused us pain...and as the song sings...you can't change and you can't choose... now we've got holes in our hearts yeah we've got holes in our lives...we've got holes...but we carry on...
This would be a CHILLY chili eater...it was pretty cool out for a picnic...
In deep thought...I often wonder what goes through that mind...
And she convinces her mama that they should take time out to play...and I love that her mama does exactly that...
And that is as far as I got...but I took many pictures this day and may make Izzy a little video...because it was one of those days you take and hold in your heart...and it just seemed that one could keep building on the heart theme...I go back and think of Jay and of our loss of him...hit in the heart and I question as I watched during this time frame...of the bus driver...whose life was spared because the bullet hit the Bible in his pocket that he had just started carrying a Bible in his pocket...and one wonders...and though I have asked WHY many a times...and I am sure I sound like a little one...WHY? How Come? Why you want to do that for? And the shepherd and I have had the discussions that when it is your time...and so I have tried to quit trying to understand...but I hold on to my faith...and I think of when I looked at the clock first and it read 3:16...I think of John 3:16...For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son. That whosoever believeth in Him shall not perish but have everlasting life...
I think of all of those that in believing this Truth...we will see again...and my heart is thankful though like the song I found earlier may have a hole in it...but you know we carry on and we all carry on in our own ways. Tomorrow March 9 will mark the 3rd anniversary...and at 6:18 Jay's birthday and time of losing this special guy...just a regular guy...just a cop...a daddy...a husband...a son...a friend...but a guy with a big heart...
And perhaps I have rambled on...and perhaps I use this to keep memories that I also keep in my heart...but perhaps your heart has been touched...and you will touch another...and stop and think how precious life is...how we do not know...and so I may let this set for a little longer as I will reread again in the light of day...and perhaps catch a picture or two to include....after all one little Peanut has a beautiful new bouquet that just says SPRING time...which I place up above...
I bid you a good morning and maybe sleep will come...I end including a picture I will lay on Jay's grave...of things that touch your heart...puppies...little babies...and daddy's that love them...
Izzy studying this picture trying to figure out what dog that is...Amy she thought yours...and I think where has the time gone...
I snap a few more pics of the girls and I's time at the cemetery that I add in to this fairly long bike ride...a special time to stop and reflect on a life that touched ours...there will be some that will go to the grave site...some that will stop and think of Jay from where they are...and I think there are many different ways to grieve...to honor someone that is close to our hearts...
And these two I ask for a picture and the little encourages the mama to give me these looks...I love these girls!
And I catch one that touches my heart...and I think how thankful for all of those that touch my heart. In looking back...I am thankful to have Jesus in my heart...thankful for the Chief and his family...that he is healing...of the Herrera's...my family...and many I didn't mention but touch my heart all the same...when it comes to the heart...though it might at times hurt...thankful that my heart feels...and with that I say Sweet Dreams and may you stop and think of all that touches your heart...
A printed picture hangs on my fridge...it has water spots on it...and I keep thinking I need to hang another...but it is the last picture I took of Jay. He is with Izzy and Heather on the back of the pickup. I took it with my phone...but it is one of those pictures where it seems the person is looking back at you. Sometimes I think with a look of what are you thinking...sometimes with a twinkle...much like the many looks I would get from that guy...I think how little his "Peanut" was in this pic and how big she is getting...
This morning I read in one of my devotionals Philippians 3:13...I include it on a picture of the sunrise from this morning...as I write on it...and I think as I look at it...almost makes you think of the Blue Line...
Some might wonder what this day represents...though not March 9, 2011...the day that Jay Sheridan's life on this earth was ended...it is Ash Wednesday. Ash Wednesday...the first day of Lent...40 days representing the number of days Jesus is said to have fasted in the desert...though 46 days until Easter...Sunday's are not included in this time of prayer, fasting, and almsgiving. "Almsgiving"...not sure what that is exactly so I do what I often do...I look it up! And so I see the definition says, "giving to others as an act of virtue"...yes Jay Bird...I think almsgiving...
Jay would talk of being a "good little Catholic boy"...he asked my daughter to marry him on Easter...he lost his life doing a job that he loved on Ash Wednesday. I remember many gathered with the ashes on their foreheads that night and I was not certain at that time why all had that. I have since learned more...and so this day I think of Jay...of his family...his friends...his "brothers"...and I go back to the verse above...and "forgetting the past" pops out at me. I realize that there is a fine line I suppose of living in the past and not moving on...but also it has seemed something that is part of me...to REMEMBER and help keep memories of my granddaughter's daddy a part of our life while embracing what is ahead...
I read on after this verse...which I used the Living Bible version...an old friend...and Philippians 3:14 goes on to say...
"I strain to reach the end of the race and receive the prize for which God is calling us up to heaven because of what Christ Jesus did for us."
"Calling us up to heaven"...and you know bottom line...that is the Grand Finale to this thing called life...so perhaps some may think it has been three years and you still talk about this...but if here in thirty years...I will stop and reflect because to me that is my way of showing my love...but I am working on looking forward in hope while leaving the pain behind...we can not let it hold us down...
God bless and keep you...prayers of love in this season of reflection of what our faith really means to us...I am thankful for my Christian faith...I am thankful for my family...my friends...though I am not all I should or could be...I press on!
And guess I will press on out to the barn since I am up...and see if that Southdown is giving up yet...
And so I wrote most of this last night but didn't get posted then...
Today, they tell me on the television that it is Fat Tuesday...and also that they were going to be naming the Dancing with the Stars dancers. Both of these things though maybe not another day...today I think of Mary. My friend...my co-worker...friends of my children's mother...all of which today I just think...GONE! Mary and her husband are on a cool adventure...and though it may be snowing there...they are living on a beautiful ranch...doing what they love. So though I may be sad to have her leave...we have worked together 10 years...I am happy for this phase in her life. Probably another blog...another day...
Before she left...as I was driving to work and the song came on by Passenger...Let her go...and it seemed intentional that I heard that song as I was flicking and had heard another song and stopped and then it came on. As I thought of the words...only know you love her when you let her go. I had thought about this song being for Mary...and I confess that it is hard to let her go...but I do love this special friend! And so I know she is going anyway...but I need to let her go in the way I am happy for her!
However, as Mary and I went on our walk that day. We prayed for her brother and his wife Sherry. Sherry in a battle with cancer...and it seemed that song...was a prayer for Sherry's family. Having been in that place with my dad...I feel that those who are fighting and suffering hang on for those of us until we can let them go. Though they are going to a Better Place...we left behind have a part of our hearts missing in saying goodbye. I include a picture of Mary and her family looking at my mom and dad's headstone...
Now I in no way compare Mary's leaving with that of Sherry...yet they both are missed. And before Mary left...we got the news that Sherry had passed...seems like the words Mary shared. Thinking of Sherry and her family...and I go to the funeral. Such a beautiful almost spring like day as I walked into the church. As I felt the sun shining on my face and the buds on the trees...I thought of my brother talking of spring was coming...the trees were budding and all kinds of skunks out and about. And as I walk I can picture Sherry's smile. From so many that was their memory...her smile. I look to the sky and can picture her...surrounded by spring...SINGING...I wonder if there are skunks in heaven? I smile at this vision almost I have and when attending her funeral...it is mentioned of her love of music. When I go in to sit down, I first sit in an open seat to which they tell me that is for the singers...even though they offered to let me join them. I assured them that they would not want that. I move up the crowded church and see a pew that is right in front of the "singers" but not sure it is reserved or not...so I go and ask if this is singers to which this woman says she is not. And we sit together and in waiting I ask how she knew Sherry...she says a friend from LaJunta...their kids grew up together...Friendship...so many there saying farewell my friend...my family...one of my people. That is what she was to Mary...one of her "people"! Those that are part of your circle...you know...your "people"!
And at the cemetery I stand behind three women with their arms wrapped around each other singing...letting her go...standing there with Mary we see Sherry's mother-in-law and one of her granddaughters...holding flowers...and Mary says there is a picture...so I take one. Then as I watch I see this cute little red head...a precious jewel...and she in a place of thought...two roses in their own rights. I think of the little ones and their thoughts and though those we love are not where we can see them...they are with us....a gift of love that never lets go...
I seen a poem that I took Sherry had written...I think of her smiles...though I think of those who love her left behind and as I drove...I heard Cry Out to Jesus by Third Day...the words catch me..."To everyone who's lost someone they love...Long before it was their time..." And I include it for those who are wanting comfort and peace...Often people think the funeral is over...but it is often when we begin living back in our normal routines...that is when it hits the hardest...that is when prayers of comfort and strength are needed...
I am reminded of when I first met Sherry...it wasn't through Mary but while I was taking classes at OJC...and I just remember her more as the lady who almost always had a smile. Though I didn't have many dealings with her...I can picture her as clear as day smiling...and then later I found out that she was family to my friend...and we talked of how many people when talking of Sherry described her with smiles...and so I pull up another picture I snapped and though I love the one above of her granddaughter and Tillie...they are both serious but when they seen me with the camera they looked at me and smiled. You trained them well Sherry...
And I loved hearing them talk of Sherry being a sister picture taker...And so for Sherry we should smile because she no longer suffers...her faith is an inspiration...and to be remembered by so many as one who was always smiling...a gift! And so in some ways we let those we love go...but a piece of them forever stays in our hearts!
I took a picture of the sunrise on the day of Sherry's funeral...often I capture sunsets...but Sherry's was a sunrise...and this verse...seems to be a gift...
And in looking for a picture of Sherry....I include her poem...if you look close you can read...and you can see her beautiful smile...We are thankful for this life of this woman we have been blessed to know!
