Another year has passed...

Sometimes I wonder where the time goes...how it goes so quickly...in blinks of an eye things are suddenly never the same again.  I sit here perhaps somewhat emotional...a little sentimental...just thinking...I will not say where I have been this morning on the grounds it might incriminate me...

I spent the weekend at my daughter's.   Friday night the little Firecracker and I journeyed to Denver with Izzy's mama to partake in some Olive Garden with Uncle Lance...to which the waiter was quite attentive to one little Peanut!   A complimentary bowl of her favorite soup...a large bowl of black olives...and even when she spilled the tea...that was raspberry tea and she was the only one who liked it...BUT it was quite refreshing to observe customer service.

Upon finishing dinner (This would be the evening meal and I know there is a large debate as to which meal is dinner...but given the company I was in...it is called dinner...if the shepherd were there...everyone knows dinner is held at noontime!)   Okay I wander...anyway...Izzy and I were going to stop off in Bennett and pick up some flowers to take to the cemetery...However, she fell asleep before we hit the interstate and then I wasn't sure if Heather's truck would shut off on me or what.  You see I think I irked GyPSy...(that would be her GPS).  The crazy woman will not shut up and she gets something in her head and there is no changing!   STOP IT NOT ONE WORD!!!   I know what some are thinking!!   Anyway it turns out that she thought we were still going to Olive Garden and since I am unfamiliar to such things and was more concerned with traffic I just let her rant EVERY turn off.  Saying make a legal U-Turn...and as we got on the Interstate she continued on...Izzy had commented earlier prior to being asleep in 5 minutes...Ahma she won't stop talking!   This visual here really does sort of nag me...and now I wonder if some might refer to me as GyPSy!

One can get a bit of a nap from Denver to Bennett...especially at 9:00 p.m. or so...So I went ahead and when we get there wake up one little Firecracker...never certain when waking up a napping three year old...exactly which child will be awakened...Turns out she was a little bit out of it trying to get her bearings but just picked up talking as though not really asleep.   We pushed a cart in the store only to get there and there it was...a shopping cart with a big blue car with not one steering wheel but two...after cleaning out the cookie and it looked like some other things that perhaps the last driver had not let the one pushing know they had loaded up on these items...I wonder if silly putty might be at steering wheel level..and after beginning our travels realize that one could miss some things going on in this car if not paying attention...AS I ALWAYS DO!   We looked to see what flowers but none seemed to be just the right ones...and so we went to the aisle that has the cool stuff...you know all the outdoor items...at which point I hear a little voice coming out of the little blue car..."Ahma...I need to go to the bathroom."    So we kicked it into gear and off we went to which my heart smiles when she says, "I love shopping this way."   This is the most excellent time to go shopping as you pretty much have the store to yourself.   I love the Bennett King Soopers...

Upon finishing our "duties" I ask Izzy if she had seen anything she liked and she said that Santa Claus...and I said was there Santa stuff...to which we return to our destination and there was all kinds of little gnomes.  Is that how you spell gnome?   Anyway I said well do you see anything else...even though her dad would have been happy with whatever his Peanut might have found.   Then we saw some little blue butterflies and Izzy says I like the butterflies and so she pulls one out and then a Hello Kitty.  I say do you want those for daddy's grave and she says no these for me.   So I say would you like a blue butterfly for daddy too...and then we see them pinwheels...of sorts...but these are copper and first we see the butterflies and then there are the dragonflies...There are some familiar with my dragonfly stories...and still if I see a dragonfly...I am stopped there and I think of my son-in-law.   Granted I do not think Jay has turned into a dragonfly...but I think of some of these little "signs" if you will as kisses from heaven...reminders of those that have passed on to a better place.  We also find a little glow in the dark snow globe...and yes it does glow...we tried it out when we got home...sitting in a room in the dark when we got home.

We also found a balloon that said I (Heart) U....to which Izzy proudly carried to checkout.  When we got there after we unloaded out of our car...an adventure in itself and the checker telling us to just leave it parked she would take care of it...sometimes Izzy and I's adventures remind me of mine and my Grandma Bessie's...anyway when the woman goes to check it out says what a nice balloon.  To which Izzy in her grown up voice says, "Yeah...we taking it to the cemetery".   The woman not really sure if she hears right looks to me and I say we are taking it to the cemetery.   To which she tells Izzy that is nice and begins talking of the weather...as though afraid to speak more on it.   And I think well I didn't start bawling...but think how many times...when we do not know what to say...we quickly turn to weather talk...

Which takes me back to Limon and Izzy and I getting in before our midnight curfew...hanging out...playing...reading stories until she fell asleep in my arms...for those who have not experienced holding a sleeping child in your arms...I recommend putting it on your bucket list!   With warning of a severe storm and being in Limon...I stayed awake...waiting for my kids to get home...oh I know they are not 16 anymore...one would have to add some double digits to that...but once a mom...always a mom.   But I did just listen to one little Isabel...sleep and breathe...

Lance headed on south after getting there...because we all know the shepherd starts early around here...maybe not at 4:00 a.m. but he did have sheep stuff to tend to.  He was then planning on returning with his dad for the memorial for Jay to begin at 5:30 Saturday evening.  With a moment of silence at 6:18...Jay's "End of Watch" is March 9, 2011 at 6:18 p.m.   Why does that time stick with us...his birthday...June 18th to which he would be the big 3-0 this year...

On Saturday, us girls were a little slower getting around and so when deciding what to do for lunch because we had missed the noon hour...upon talking with Aunt Autumn...one little Izzy Bell says that she would like McDonald's...a new and different choice for her.   But Uncle Andoo and Aunt Aum agree to meet us there...well weather never seems as much from the comfort of your easy chair...but we head out and decide perhaps we should pick up Heather's flowers first and then we would meet up with the others.   We enjoyed the fare of the Limon McDonald's and listened to others talking about where the motels were...of the Interstate being closed and granted it was a walk getting in with the wind...but upon our return home...we almost had a pileup getting to the vehicles..visibility walking to the truck was zero...Andy would never be the same if I had "sideswiped" him...or if I had actually shut Aunt Autumn with the truck door...it was jungle out there...and we hadn't even started the vehicles.  

Autumn and Andy were game to come hang out and we were going to blow up  balloons to release at the memorial.   Well many know if you have balloons around a three year old...ALMOST thirty year olds...whatever age...they are just fun and so with finding eyes and noses and ears and other things to put on them...Izzy started decorating some of the balloons...I do have to probably give the best to Andy...Izzy did mine and I had extra eyes and ears  in extra places...but I am an AHMA!!!  

Ahma balloon...

Hanging out at Izzy's with Uncle Andy and Aunt Autumn....those who know Jay will understand Andy's pose...
oh I need to be quicker to the shot...
 

And with the passing of time...also came the decision that the memorial would not be held.  However, Izzy had already told us at McDonald's (after I am sure her and her mom about blew away) that she did not want to go to the cemetery.    Where her and I had went the day before to take down the Christmas tree.  Yes Jay I did get it down before Easter (which makes me think on my winter village and conversations that he and I had).  When I had came earlier I took the Christmas items off of it and just left other "stuff".   To which when Izzy and I went we were deciding what we needed to reuse.   There is a little white stone bird that she had told me that we needed to take so that it would not be covered with snow!   I did not tell her it had been there for over a year...but we took him with us...

Are you keeping up?  One can get a bit dizzy and I am trying to make things clearer for one that is not just right here in my head...which you might consider a scary place.   So we got word that Oppy and LaLa were en route as down our way snow (Praise the Lord) but not too bad...but the drive may have took a little bit longer...so in waiting upon them...Uncle Andrew was wanting to play some games...which I think is awesome that he is a game player like Maryann (Jay's mom) so that could...ANDREW... COULD make a guy some brownie points.   Only Grammy and Grandad were not with us...they were snowed in Simla...well maybe as there was rumor of shorts and blue skies and the like...but since highway 24 was closed...

So it was decided that Izzy could release her balloon from home...one really doesn't have to go to a grave to honor one that has left us...and so there were many balloons that she could not release and then there was Grammy and Grandads balloons and one could not let them go.   But then the next thing I knew her and her mom were working on a blue balloon for daddy...and so balloon number one was ready for release...you catch a glimpse of the beautiful flowers that would have been to my house if tried to set them out...And Izzy and her mama's balloon...with one of my favorite pics of Jay...just thinking of him and sharing his smile...One little Isabel seems less than pleased as I was holding up the process snapping these pictures...plus a nap might have been a beneficial thing...but you know "Ain't nobody got time for that!"

As Heather, Izzy, Andy, Autumn and I all headed for the back door to let her balloon go...upon opening the door and the large balloon greeting the cold wind...the balloon popped...so back to the drawing board and so this is the balloon actually released...but one little one was hiding...

I went out to catch the girls coming out as one doesn't want to venture too far when a blizzard lurks as one might be blown away (okay hush...I was talking of Izzy)...As the March winds hurled...it caught hold of one little blue balloon and off it went...and at first I wondered if the wind would carry it or not but then up it headed...high in the sky and I include a collage of the girls ready to release...the little blue balloon floating up and just thinking of the one we were thinking of....so many things can be represented...letting go...just sending up thoughts and prayers...saying I love you and miss you...

And with this fun...Izzy and her Aunt Aum released their own pink balloon...

And then Lance and Oppy arrived and we began to play Nertz...one of my favorite pictures is one in which I took off the balcony of a group playing Nertz and Jay stopping and waving at me...Then Jake and Amy arrived...and while Jake learned some on Nertz...Amy played Hungry Hippos with Izzy...she will be such a good mama!  (You will be a great dad too Jake).

We then head to Southside for dinner and to meet up with some of the ones that were able to make it out...This would probably have been one of Jay's favorite parts of the day...we arrived and there was Russell and Teddy...then came Gordon and Jess...and the Chief and Lesa made it...with people stranded in town...there is certain logistics that the police deal with...I was having some technical difficulties with my camera but did catch one of Heather talking on Lynn's phone...

Jake, Teddy, and Andy at the bar...salad bar
Lance and Izzy as Heather talks on the phone 

And I think what special people these all are...I listen to the guys talking of going to the cemetery...I appreciate each and every one of them...honoring their "brother" in their own ways...

And then...the live band starts up...and one little Isabel needs to go closer and listen to them.   She then decides her and her mom should dance...I watch and so she decides her and I should dance...so she grabbed my hands for Brown-eyed girl...of course I had to change the words for blue...she caught a dance with Uncle Lance and then Aunt Autumn..

As I watched her and her mom dance I feel the emotion...I see the Chief watching on...as I know he does...and though this memorial for Jay Bird was not as we had thought...how some couldn't make it because of the weather...or other reasons...as I told them when we let the balloons go...that you don't have to be at the graveside...we can think of those we lost...wherever we might be...even in the middle of a blizzard...and not just on certain days...

And so I have wrote on this off and on all day...looking at pictures...and having my own memorial perhaps...

The time change has kicked in and I think of how it seemed like Jay would often be on duty when the time changed...and I have put down a lot of my memories that I want to hold on to.   I wonder if I should share...if I am "GyPSy" talking too much...but it seems important to share these thoughts...Jay was and is an important part of our lives...I had a cousin talk of how her mother kept her father's memory alive with them...and now many years later she is thankful for that...sometimes it is hard to talk of those we love...but sometimes there is more than just weather...

lyp