I am at my kitchen table...reflecting on the prior day and not sure if I will include the day here or just the soundtrack! I often think of my life as being accompanied by a soundtrack. I love music and must say I like many different styles and types...but I love music. Though I could not sing on key to save myself...I so appreciate music...sometimes just the rhythm, the instruments, the words, and in those certain songs that just put the entire package together...and so it might be no surprise that usually every morning I start a day with some sort of song in my head. Yesterday was no different. And so this morning as I am reading in Jesus Calling...one of the scriptures is Psalm 27:23-24 and I read it and as many times during this past year...I think of Jay:
"The steps of a good man are ordered by the Lord, And He delights in his way. Though he fall, he shall not be utterly cast down; for the Lord upholds him with His hand."And really it is not just Jay but all of us...but I guess I think of Jay's faith as being black and white...at least from my perspective. He had a childlike faith...either you have it or you don't you believe or you don't. You go to heaven or you won't. Though I did not really discuss faith with Jay...I do believe his was important to him...and so I add that in...as I look back on yesterday...
Like I said my first song in my head was maybe not one that would be me in a good state for the day without being prepared to blubber all day! But it was still in my head all the same and with it I stop and include a video that I listened to many times over the course of the last year...and looked at the pictures and cried and prayed for those I love...the words in the song are very touching to listen to and so in including videos...I start with this one...
It tugs at my emotion but it also shows the magnitude that Jay's life and loss thereof impacted so many and so this song hits more on those of us behind...and though a year has passed...some days it is though it was just yesterday...and some days the emptiness hits harder but again am reminded that we had such a special one to lose and am thankful that I got to know Jay and that some day we will see him again...and warn you that this is a very emotional video...put on YouTube by an EMT who had worked with Jay...
And so that is what set the stage for my Firecracker Flex Friday as I was getting around to head north to Limon to spend the day with my girls...and go to the Memorial Anniversary that evening...and so I have to admit that I hopped in my truck and like I said I listen to random music and so my truck radio was left on the LaJunta station that I don't always listen to...but left there from the day before flicking of The River...and so when I hopped in and heard Sugarland singing...IT happens! I am sure to many this may seem out there...but it was as though I could think of Jay saying IT happens...things we have no control of...HAPPENS!
I admit I have always loved this song...And the words echoed...
"Life don't go quite like you planned it
We try so hard to understand it
The irrefutable, indisputable fact is...
IT HAPPENS!"
But I guess that the part that kind of hit me was IT does happen and whether it be IT we would rather live without IT happens and the words that seemed to talk out to me was ...that sometimes I do think that sometimes I do over think it...but the words I heard were LET GO LAUGHING! And this was so Jay and so in honor of Jay I thought of "Izzy's Maddy" she would be Madison Lengel another police officer's daughter...and her and Isabel seem to have a very special bond...
And I include Maddy's post as it is wise beyond her years...and I smile thinking of how Jay had a soft spot for Madison when she would be doing fund raisers or whatever and how Jay would want to help Maddy...and here is the bond now between her and his daughter...this thing about love...just keeps on going don't it...So I share her words and remember how they inspired me as well...
How these words just were very inspiring to me...and so then when in this group of songs that yes I wrote down as I made the journey to Limon came along...I wrote them down...but the next song...one of my favorites seem to also add to the theme...of the not feeling sorry for yourself...as it was a beautiful day out... and I have to say this video where the picture sticks bothered me...but after thought...though this not be a picture I would choose...that sometimes we do focus more on the darkness and do not stop and see all the other things that it is great to be alive...
So then I just decided to enjoy this ride and like I said there is several songs as a trip to Limon takes a little time...the next song on was Working Man by Rush...and I think it just made me think of Jay and how much he loved his job...granted Police Work is a different type of work...but then again...and just have liked this song as well...and though this particular video I stuck in is of these guys not from when they were in the old days...I thought the drums were pretty cool... Working Man by Rush and though this one shows a little of my rocker roots...I shared some of these musical tastes with Jay and so I just cranked it up and drove...
And as the whole juke box theme continued I hit the flick again and there was Family Man...I remember this song playing alot after we lost Jay... and I think how he was a working man but his family was always important to him. That was one of the things I remember first on thinking of Jay was how his parents and siblings were important to him...and in seeing that I knew that his wife and children would also be...and on came Kenny singing Reality...and this one I guess just made me think how we take for granted that sometimes these "realities" are actually those dreams we think back on...
So I was writing songs down as I went and so the next one I am not sure on...Open the Sky...is what I wrote down and I had put a question mark of Matthew West....and now I have no recollection of what the song was so I move on the KU...that would be Kerry Underwood...and her song He is Good...I guess it is called Mama's song maybe but the part that gets me was talking of when her little girl grows up...I'll only want what's best for her...and I think that is what we always want for our kids. And though I would have wrote a different ending...I realize how Jay made Heather happy and no one can deny in looking at one sweet little Firecracker...they were a great couple. But I have been reminded lately of the fact that Isabel has been loved by her daddy and those around her more in her few short years than some spend a lifetime looking for.
I continue on flicking as that is what I do but it was as though each song I would land on was just like a soundtrack maybe...and this next one was from my childhood and just hit me on the darker side...as Queen sang Bohemian Rhapsody...and I did have tears...Bohemian Rhapsody and it just was strange how the words all seemed to hit me.
But as with all my bike rides I changed course...and hit on Low Rider...this one always makes me think of Heather in high school...and it's just one of those songs that really is a driving song...Low Rider by War
Again I wonder what I have wrote down...I did mark that I could read that two planes were flying low...but not sure what else was wrote there so I decipher Rihanna We found Love...and I think of love found...We found love and it continues on that...as a song I hadn't heard by Fee...Everything Falls
And I see Brick House and then many others that I can't decipher...and then Bob Marley Lively Up Yourself...that just has a little that I think...yes Lively Up Yourself...Lively Up Yourself and there is another I am not sure and it comes on the television as I am writing so I add in FINE BY ME...and I think that it would surely would have thought how it would have been more than fine that he would never leave...
And then comes on All for You by Sister Hazel here are they the same as Blues Traveler???? But the point is this song just makes you smile and it makes me think of all of us...what is it we see in the other but there is definitely something...and though I could go on...I leave it at this song...and I will quit and not tell you more of how the soundtrack continued...because I realize not everyone shares my thinking that some of us have a soundtrack to go with our lives...and I am thankful that this music changed my mindset from the day...
I think of Jesus Calling devotional and how it talks of singing but it also says a "cacophony of chaos" and it says "Learn to take mini breaks from the world, finding a place to be still in My Presence and listen to My voice. And I wonder if that is what this writing might be is a cacophony of chaos and I think of the verse that went with it:
Zephaniah 3:17
New International Version (NIV)
17 The LORD your God is with you,
the Mighty Warrior who saves.
He will take great delight in you;
in his love he will no longer rebuke you,
but will rejoice over you with singing.”
So it is late and I have another funeral to go to tomorrow or I guess it is today. I think of the Goin family and hope that they have a day of peace.
And as I go to finish this I have included a song in here that seems like it should be added in as the final song...and I remember why it was included because as I was writing a lot of this...this song had played and it just seemed to be a fitting end to this writing...that I have a prayer that those I love will all get to where we're going...
And though IT happens...It is a great day to be alive...thanks for "riding" along...I have spent much time thinking and talking about Jay...but he was worth thinking and talking about and so now I move on and would like to think more of how he lived...but it all makes up this person called Jay Sheridan. We love you and miss you!
God Bless.
lyp
http://www.odmp.org/officer/reflections/20775-police-officer-jay-william-sheridan
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