Take Heart...

Early morning...heading for the Otero Pump Station up near Buena Vista.  I was passed by some masked stranger in a flying white Ranger...Took me a minute but I knew it was you Clinton.  I wasn't sure of what the weather would be like from all the hype of the weather forecasters--but as Firecracker would say, "Not too bad."...in fact the ride home was blue skies and sunshine and the Sangre De Cristos were so beautiful in the distance..capped with their snow and the majesty they seemed to exude...and sometimes my breath is just taken away. 

I was welcomed home by the aroma of the shepherd's goulash...for those who know the shepherd...he really isn't a fan of pasta!   We had some this year...that should tide us over.   But since I had been whining that the Firecracker was getting goulash he told me he would make some tonight...and it was delish...he added a secret ingredient...GREEN CHILI'S!   I am thankful for the shepherd's cooking abilities and even more so the fact that he uses them...

And I smile at goulash...my favorite son-in-law liked most foods and really didn't complain about whatever I fed him.  But I had found out that goulash really wasn't one of his favorites...And so I would always joke and tell him that is what I was fixing...However it turns out that it is one of Ahma and Izzy's...

As I had drove home tonight the sunset in my rear view mirror.   And behind some of those very mountains I had just driven through...the sun like a large ball of fire seemed to balance upon the mountains and I was awed by the sight...as it slowly set behind the majesty and disappeared...

When I was getting close to home...I had been flicking the radio channels when an old familiar song came on that I just listened...and I thought how I love this song by Garth Brooks...The River...or I Will Sail My Vessel...and while I love Garth's version...after my day of riding along the Arkansas River and winding through the "Canyon" this video by Scottty McCreery just caught my eye...

"I will sail my vessel till the river runs dry like a bird upon the wind these waters are my sky I'll never reach my destination if I never try...so I will sail my vessel till the river runs dry...

There's bound to be rough waters and I know I'll take some falls but with the Good Lord as my Captain I can make it through them all..."

These words just say so much for us in our lives...and as I sit here on the "eve" of March 9th...A date that will never be the same for many of us...it is hard to believe it has been a year since we lost Jay.   I still feel that I might just wake up and all of this would just be one of those dreams...but I know it is not...and I think many of us have feared, dreaded, not sure the word for what we have felt for this day...I think of so many caring people I have ran into this week...this year...and I have a thankful heart!

The C.O.P.S. organization (Concerns of Police Survivors) had sent out a "CareNotes" that had thoughts "On the first Anniversary of Your Loss" by Linus Mundy.   I read a bit in this writing...

"To say the least, the first anniversary is not a day or a season that you feel like "celebrating."  You may even be feeling disappointed that you aren't doing better--since, as others may remind you, it's been "a whole year."  Or you may not be feeling much of anything beyond a general sense of loss.  Our grief comes in many flavors, and it doesn't follow a calendar."

It goes on to talk of some things to do "to make this season of your grief an occasion for healing" as well as the Take Heart that  I include...

Honor yourself

Honor your loved one

Honor your loved one's story

Honor your memories

Honor your relationship with your loved one

Honor life itself--and the Giver of life. 

And so I reflect on this day...on the day tomorrow...and I will not worry about tomorrow as I am reminded of Matthew 6:34...

"Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about its own things.

Sufficient for the day is its own trouble."



So I say thank you for this day and thank you for this life we celebrate...yes I say celebrate...not perhaps in the same sense that the Limon Badgers who just advanced in the State Basketball...Congrats Dylan...and all the Yowell's!   Good Luck tomorrow night!!   We will be cheering for you!

So I add in a picture that I love of Jay coming through the front gate...it doesn't show Heather on the other side looking at him with a smile...as he stopped by to watch the Firecracker take a swim...and if I close my eyes and reflect...I can see him say, "Hey Peanut!"  Though sometimes it may seem as though we only have photographs and memories...there is something more that is left behind...

lyp