Who You are...

And I look and it has been almost a year since I have popped in here and today actually celebrated the birthday of a 12-year-old...the same sweet boy from my last writing...

My thoughts today had been of this morning at church where they held baptisms...and while I love watching these individuals take a step of faith recalling my own baptism in a stock tank...but I was caught by a precious little girl in a pink dress taking it all in   She was held in the arms of I am not sure if her daddy...her uncle...but someone who held her as she watched some she seemed to know be baptized.  Those she watched...a woman and two girls...that I couldn't help but think was her family of some sorts...partially in the joy the man seemed to show on his face watching....and also the intensity in which she watched!  I feel she was not certain what was happening...and this thing called faith from those looking on...sometimes perhaps it is puzzling...something that is sometimes not something that can be explained...but instead experienced.   

I am not sure what captivated me so...perhaps recently having a conversation with someone of a memory when I first remember hearing of this Jesus...I maybe a little older than this little girl when I was at my Aunt Vi's for what it seems may have been Vacation Bible School...but I recall this older girl...I think probably a teenager...and though I don't recall her face...or her name...I remember sitting there on the green grass with her holding me on her lap and just the feeling of joy and love that she held...and she asking me if I wanted Jesus in my heart.   I remember saying yes, I do...and that started this journey that I continue on...I don't feel that my faith was just this one moment in time but more an ongoing transformation that has held valleys and mountain tops along the way.   But through it all...yes...I still want Jesus in my heart.   Though sometimes as an adult...oh to have that childlike faith!  

I had come across an older writing where I had described who God is to me...a piece of my heart written on a picture...

And a song that goes with it...Who You are to me by Chris Tomlin and Lady A...

And my mind goes to a little Firecracker...of a very hard time in our life...already 14 years ago...but in a special service and baptism a little one gave sign language for MORE...and I think of this and pray...MORE...for those I love...as well as myself...

Today 3/16...and there from the book of John talks of God loving us so much...He gave His Son...yep...that would be this Jesus that is in my heart...

lyp

Though I walk...

Last night we went to celebrate a BIRTHday…it was 11 years…but all the same a celebration of a little boy’s birth!  His actually birthday on 3.14…so only fitting he have a PI party.   So that is what we had…pizza pie and cherry and pumpkin pie...

After the party we headed home only to see as we drove through the gate that off to the east directly behind our house were all kinds of emergency vehicles!   With the amount in attendance—one knew it surely wasn’t good! Hearing from the neighbor…it sounded like a motorcycle and a car were involved and the motorcycle ended up over a drop into the creek nearby…also sounding like the motorcycle rider didn’t make it.  Hmmm think of my choice of words...didn't make it!   What is "it"???

This morning, I thought of the motorcycle rider and how ONE MOMENT had changed his (I say his though I don’t know that for sure) life…his family’s life…the other driver’s life…the emergency responders that had to deal with this…sometimes that one overlooked though when you think about it…those are hard times too!  Those individuals have seen some things that no one would ever want to see…

And with that…my mind goes to my son-in-law and love…Jay Sheridan…one who in a moment…his life and those around him changed!   His life deeply intertwined with all…making the responder’s feel this on a deeper level…and this morning the preaching from Mark on Palm Sunday…but another sermon I listened to talked about Psalm 23…though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death…and I felt that shadow this morning…just as I did March 9, 2011…and sometimes those valley's just have to be walked through...some moments crawling but...one step at a time all the same.

One of the songs on the Palm Sunday service sang "In Christ Alone" written by Keith Getty and Stuart Townend…and I think of this past night…and these words that hit me hard but seemed to add to this writing that seems to pour from my fingertips…

No guilt in life, no fear in death—
This is the pow’r of Christ in me;
From life’s first cry to final breath,
Jesus commands my destiny.
No pow’r of hell, no scheme of man,
Can ever pluck me from His hand;
Till He returns or calls me home—
Here in the pow’r of Christ I’ll stand.

From life’s first cry to final breath…and I think of this thing I call my “Faith”…and I had thought the other day when someone was describing someone they said they are very religious and didn’t seem to relay a positive note…religious…that doesn’t seem to describe this “Faith” that I hold…this One called Jesus…to me I tend to think of how in Jesus’ day…that those who ended up persecuting Him…were "religious" to a fault if you will…I had asked myself earlier in the week…how would someone describe me?

I think of this “Faith” I have…it is something that I believe in this Jesus who died for a sinner like me…a sinner like you…and this week ahead…looking back in the life of Jesus…whooo what a week!!!

I return to the song…In Christ Alone…a song I love…as I make no claim to be perfect or anywhere near…yet I have been given a peace that cannot compare…my Faith is built on the foundation of LOVE…and I listen to an amazing version sung by Alison Krauss: In Christ Alone Alison Krauss

In Christ alone my hope is found;
He is my light, my strength, my song;
This cornerstone, this solid ground,
Firm through the fiercest drought and storm.
What heights of love, what depths of peace,
When fears are stilled, when strivings cease!
My comforter, my all in all—
Here in the love of Christ I stand.

And just like that, I flash back to the Palm Sunday sermon…and there is a short talk given by the pastor this week...Dick Foth...who I so appreciate his story telling…the experience he brings to his messages…but this short video summarizes his sermon from Mark 15 in a few minutes… https://www.timberlinechurch.org/srecap-mark-where-bullies-meet-believers-dick-foth/

The questions asked…Who cares?  Whose in charge? What do you believe?

I think back of walking in the valley of the shadow of death…and how I was reminded this morning that if there is a shadow…there is LIGHT!!!  But some of those who cared in that time…were those who were just there…Pastor Foth had made the comment of something about in this time there really is nothing that can be said…but there is plenty that shouldn’t be said…that can be said in much!!!

I snapped a pic last night as a sight out my back door…one I care not to see…but there in the shadow of the light of the moon…

and I come back to this “Faith”....and I do not include the rest of this verse in the picture...Your rod and staff comfort me...but Faith….this thing hoped for yet not seen…and in this Faith that I choose to believe...that this death is not the end…but yet the beginning!  And I decide to add another capture of this almost same view but in a different light…

This writing...a collection of thoughts building...probably a little longer so perhaps I add as a blog… many of those as of late have been tributes to one gone on…but love all the same for those who have walked through the shadows…but I thought how sometimes… words just come that seem words to share…maybe just for one…maybe just a conversation with me and my Lord…but if nothing else…please join me in prayer for those whose lives have been instantly changed…to maybe be the one who is just there...and also to be reminded that this could be any of us.  

Take in this Holy week and remember it may seem Friday BUT (and a mighty big BUT)…Sunday’s COMING!!!

lyp

Oh Marilyn

My Grandma Bessie's sister Opal's oldest daughter...Marilyn...I don't remember her as a Roth...Always a Davis...married to that guy Larry who all tough on the outside...but a big heart on the inside...maybe don't tell him we know!    He spent time caring for Marilyn in her last days on this earth...to which I start writing to say goodbye.

Marilyn had three sons...Ron, Tom, and Hank...and though I haven't been around them in later years...I knew them better in earlier days...good times with Ron and Kathy...Marilyn's baby sister who left us way too soon.    Tom coming to spend some time with us in Colorado and then Hank came and visited as well...but Ron's wife Anita shared the updates (thank you Anita)...of what going on in their life...and I think Oh Marilyn...and I think of laughter...

I think of the last time I seen her I think, and I did have some pictures of her and her sister's...One I loved was her and Nyla (always the cool one)...during another celebration of life of her sister Rhonda's husband...Jack...so many goodbye's...

I ramble on here...and think how these blogs have been more thinking of those who I seem to be reflecting on their life than anything else...but maybe that is okay...a place to give a moment of love for one that has lived and been a part of our life...a part of who we are...a reminder of how this time on this earth is fleeting...unknown...

Marilyn was one of the "elder's"...a keeper of the family tree.   One who would make others do skits and such that they didn't always want to but somehow...she convinced them that it would be fun...or at least something they needed to do... Her smile and laughter are part of what I remember most of her...I did a search for her pics and they pulled up one's of her baby sister Kathy too...and I think all had a beautiful smile...a gift from their mama!

When I searched pics there was one that wasn't from this time maybe a reunion...but it makes me think of the past...the future...how you loved history...

You with a chocolate covered strawberry that you were excited to enjoy...laughing at me taking your picture with your napkin on your chest...just keeping it clean...with Kathy's daughter talking to you...

and I thought how you loved to laugh and play...I know I only seen glimpses...but this last time I seen  you...these snapshots...maybe not the greatest capture...but I keep in my memories...you playing cards...you taking time to appreciate the flowers...the food...and the family...a reminder to us all...

Marilyn...you will be missed...though none of us would wish suffering on you...I think of you raising those four boys (haha sorry Larry I include you)...those younger siblings...and how sometimes your "innocence" I'm sure a protector from some of the things you lived...I missed your farewell but thought of all that were there...and those who loved you and said goodbye from afar...and so I send love and prayers to all...and maybe today stop and play a game and just laugh the whole time!   lyp

Randal Scott...

 Today your birthday...you my cousin...my friend...many times like a brother.    Today I think of you on your birthday and how I have not written about you since I got the news you have left this life...

I think of a favorite picture of you with my Dad.     How he loved you and I wonder about Heaven and what it is like and if you two are reunited...

This morning as I thought of you...the sun was working at coming up and I thought there it is...Randy's sunrise...and I turned my camera and there was a bird in the tree...a sparrow joining me in watching the sun come up over the hill.  

I think of days gone by...Growing up with you down the road...times when I wasn't sure I had another friend...there you were playing basketball with me at recess.    You doing a Cheech and Chong routine while milking the cow and I remember sitting and laughing so hard.   You putting on heavy boots to run in so you could jump higher playing basketball.    I think about how strong you were.  How funny you were...There a picture that I came across...of days gone by...you messing around but still taking care of others...

I remember then how your life forever changed...that truck that you had worked on and made so sweet...and then there you were in a wheelchair.    I remember weekends driving to Denver as you went through rehab and then you came home and fun times still...I still remember one night in Fargo's parking lot and again laughing so hard at you...of you coming and spending time with me and my family...helping do what you had such a gift for...fixing those motors...and such special times we had...

And this morning I asked why do we disconnect...lose touch from those that are so special to us...so many years pass by so quickly and before you know it...here we are...and though we spent some time texting and a call here and there...still I didn't make the trip to see you...and I think of if I had...what would we have talked of?    I think of how God sent a couple angels in those last days...strong women who were such a blessing to be there with you!   I think of you now free from the confines of a chair that held you for so many years.    A bittersweet...but I feel you a Believer in Jesus...and you went on running and jumping to Heaven!   

So I think of you not just today the day you were born...but I think of your life and how thankful that I am for you my cousin...my friend...at times my big brother!   Thank you!  Love you Randy!!!  

Eleven years...

 

March 9, 2022

Wednesday…a snowy Wednesday…and I think of you...Jay…of writing a letter to you…you where there is no sadness nor pain…I read and sing, “How Great Thou Art”…taken from my thoughts…playing over and over in my head…and I read in the book given to me…”Then Sings My Soul”…and there the very words I had sang…oh when your soul sings…it seems to carry the tune much better!

I read a writing of the song’s history and it talks of a poem written by a 26-year-old man…26 catches me…Jay 26 years old…a young man by any means…Eleven years since that fatal day…fatal…I look up the definition…causing death…death in the eyes of those remaining…but not in the hearts of those believing!!!

I go back to thinking of how this poem written by this young man…ended up touching one life and then another and then another…I think of you today Jaybird…wondering why I refer to you now as Jaybird…perhaps since you flew away…I came across a picture yesterday…titled “Snowy Days and Steller’s Jays” photo taken by I believe Lori Fredrickson from Wyoming...but this photo captured me as I had never seen one before...And I laugh as I research more on this bird as it says, “Steller’s Jays are large songbirds with large heads, chunky bodies, rounded wings, and a long, full tail.”   Yes, I hear you giggle…

Yesterday I spent time with your daughter…she has pieces of you scattered in her personality…pieces of her Mom…of others…yet her own unique person.   And I think of how like a poem written a long time ago…continues to touch lives today…and I think of how you touch the lives of those that remain…and that for many is your laughter...your heart...your words...and yet your story remains…and perhaps that is one of the reasons why I continue to talk of you…to think of you…to remember you…

I don’t understand still…and maybe it is for me not to ever understand the why's…why a young man would be taken from his wife and child…his parents...his siblings...his friends...yet was talking about you the other day and this person said they felt like something was spared from happening…and I know that even though a hard one…that you, Jay, would step up and say I can go…I don’t know what happened…what was kept from happening…but in this conversation we talked of how your wife and child…your family and friends…knew you loved them…that you didn’t leave because you didn’t love them.    I think of many that do not have that comfort in knowing that their daddy loved them…that their spouse loved them…and their friend loved them…and their child or brother...or son-in-love...and I am reminded of the verse…

No greater LOVE 

than this who lay down one’s life for his friends.

John 15:13

These very words carved on your stone…and though I didn’t know you a long time in terms of years on this earth…I knew you enough to know that you would lay down your life for a friend…for a child you didn’t know…yes even for me… ole “Sweetness”…so on this cold and snowy day…I lift my tea cup and I toast you and give thanks for you and think of you taking in Heaven without us…I think how my Mom I am sure adores you…and I am thankful to be part of the ripple that your story has touched in my life…reminding me of the things that matter…and the things that really don’t…and I thank God for you on this cold snowy Wednesday…

And though I won’t join others who will gather at your grave to remember you…you remain 4EVER in my heart!!!

lys

I'm there...

 Yesterday a Kelly day...some days you don't know it until the close of day...but when you look back...

Kelly my cousin...his mom and mine sisters.   We the same age...in fact this year he would be 60!  Kelly was the one that was always cool it seemed...one of the funniest guys with that dry sense of humor...I keep looking at this pic and him just looking right through me almost with that smirk...humoring me with a pic that I cherish...

 I have a picture from when we were kids...even then while the rest of us geeks for sure...he was still looking cool...

Anyway...back to my day...I had seen there on my timeline a message from Kelly to me August 25, 2010 saying simply, "I'm there".    Me trying to figure out where there was.   That it would show up on this day when I had read a devotional and the reading was Psalm 139...and there I had written 10/20/16 Ryder Kelly Petrie by the verse...

For You formed my inward parts; You covered me in my mother's womb.   I will praise You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made; Marvelous are Your works,  And that my soul knows very well."  Psalm 139:13-14

Ryder Kelly the son of my cousin Vonnie's son Bret...who if Kelly would have had a son...I am sure would have been a lot like Bret...or maybe for fun he would have been like Vonnie...but  later in the day I get a picture from Vonnie...Yvonne I suppose to some...saying Little Kelly...Axell...and after chatting with Vonnie...I share and think yep Kelly...a part of you there indeed...

So I share with my brother who said he on his mind too...rode Kelly's Harley...and so this morning and open tab on my computer and it is the message from Kelly..."I'm there"...and I go to see where there was when I think...maybe there is more than just where we were 11 years ago...and I feel love transcends...and so I feel a nudge to remember you Kelly and share with others...that you a special part in our lives...

And I find where we all were...at my brother's at the "cornpalooza" and thinking Jo had said we need another...and I came across a picture from there when looking...treasured memories for sure...

And I come across a blog I wrote for you when we said goodbye...I remember parts of that day...and I remember hearing the motorcycles pull up while your niece played Amazing Grace...and how it hit me...and I see pictures and video of my great niece this morning...and I think of all of us getting older and these little ones...and this song on the blog Forever Young...and the song written by Bob Dylan seems to be a prayer and a thanks to the LORD for letting us feel a visit from one we love...

A reminder that we may stay forever young...with childlike faith and love for life...and I sing along...

May God bless and keep you always

May your wishes all come true

May you always do for others

And let others do for you

May you build a ladder to the stars

And climb on every rung

May you stay forever young

Forever young, forever young

May you stay forever young.

lyp

Abundant...

 As I read John 10:10…My thoughts go to the killings in Boulder…such a different meaning taken on when the word kill is used…my prayers for their families…for the police officer said to have 7 children.   And a writing seems to come as I look at those who were killed…

Just like that…lives forever changed…and though there were 10 individuals killed…and that word just has such a haunting to it…and as I seek a definition of the word as mine seems to say to take another’s life…I find a search that asks if killed is a verb…and then it goes on to say, “extinguish the life of”…so many lives forever changed!     

I read what is written of each of these individuals…each a unique individual in their own rights.   In one place I had looked, the news seemed to give that of what Facebook postings had to say…yet others were given a few short sentences in what someone who cared about them said…and I pause and wonder…what would be said of me?  Though this not about me…it is something to reflect upon…isn’t our life more than a summation of a few words…or is it!

One of the most mentioned is a police officer, Eric Talley… Officer Talley leaving behind 7 children…and I do the math of him being an officer for 10 years…and I think of another police officer in my circle…killed 10 years ago…as in life…one leaves and another begins.   I thinking and praying for new officers who are beginning…and my heart goes to this family of love…this family of blood…this family of duty…  

I see the headlines…some trying to instantly make this political…to fit in with agendas…yet LIFE isn’t supposed to be about political and agendas…it is about the dashes…the love…of what we did in this life while here on this earth…and I look back at the verse…John 10:10…life abundantly!   ABUNDANT…a word that could take on so much…yet I find in definitions one that says…

SHEFA (ABUNDANCE): Shefa is a word in Hebrew literally meaning Abundance. This holy symbol is the symbol of abundance in its highest form - as a Divine principle of the flow between Creator to His creation.

In having a faith in Jesus…I believe there is MORE…more than just this life of a dash between the dates…I picture a baptism of my granddaughter…at her daddy's mass...(I put a link to another writing of that time https://pennify.blogspot.com/2011/03/point-of-light.html)…and she would use the signing taught to her by her aunt…and as the water sprinkled upon her she signed for more…though the choices made during the dash determines what comes after the date and the dash and the date…there it does not stop…I know some think I use the dot…dot…dot…way too often...of my sentences running together…Although…life is a continuation…sometimes a single period will not suffice…life doesn’t always just simply stop…there is MORE…ABUNDANT!!!

Yet there are those who come to try and steal and kill…to destroy…and that is nothing but evil!    It can be fought all day of this or that being the cause of death…yet bottom line is it goes back…back to the garden when we began with our “free” choices…to live as we thought fit…not always taking the path of love and good…but instead hate and evil…Though during this season…coming upon Easter…we are reminded there is more…Jesus “killed” so that mine and your dot-dot-dot…my ellipsis more formally defined…could go on beyond my dash—why?  Because death has been defeated!   There where One named Jesus took the bullet if you will…for me…for any who would choose to believe…

I pray for peace and comfort for lives "extinguished" in what seems way too soon… and this prayer extends beyond just those 10…others I know who have given goodbye’s sooner than they would like…of families I have seen and felt some of the pain they are feeling…and during this time…may prayers be made for peace and comfort…prayers I have felt in times as this…prayers for strength to get through the hard days ahead…and prayers that they will feel the “Good Shepherd”… (talked of there in this Book I have opened by a man named John…who seemed to be a part of Jesus’ inner circle)…that the LORD…our Shepherd…may be close by their side…allowing them to “find the green pastures”…That they may have life…and have it more ABUNDANTLY…lyp

Farewell to Winter...

 A day behind...as it is now the first day of Spring...yesterday after a beautiful walk by the pond I had written...

Farewell to Winter…as I walk around the pond and listen to the serenade of the birds…a lone duck swims across and almost as it seems to see me…it retreats…I look at my barn…no it is not mine…but it is one I love to walk past.   It still covered in snow…though it continues to melt away and give way for precious moisture for the coming growth of spring time…SPRING…a new season…one of new life…new birth…and I ponder my favorite…and it very well could be…though I love fall…it is one of goodbye…of harvest…even though I think perhaps I in the fall of my life…yet still bouts of Spring seem to emerge…

Winter is past I read in Song of Solomon...and so I place it on the snow covered barn picture that appears as though a chilly winter when in fact...the sun shining!   

And a few other pics I capture on my phone...a glimpse of the moment...and prayers for the new season that awaits...may we enjoy the spring time...may we be made new...the grass is coming...breathe in the season!!!

lyp

Ashes to ashes...

 Today...Ash Wednesday...first day of Lent...and I not one who really knew much of Lent other than my friends I remember would "give up something"...and 10 years ago I did not know anything of Ash Wednesday...10 years ago...Ash Wednesday...and though it is not March 9, 2011...it does bring back memories...

On the morn of Ash Wednesday...10 years ago...just another day of going to work.   Yet it was different in the fact that I had an experience that I may have not shared with many...though now the words seem to come out on my paper.   I had a picture come to my mind...a dream if you will...though I wide awake.  I don't know what it was...but I felt it to my core.  In this vision of sorts...I seen people reaching out from the ground...reaching towards me saying, "Why didn't you tell me!"    And as they reached...they cried out...as though reaching from their graves...

And then...that evening...the call came...the call that was as none I had ever received and pray never to receive again...the news that my son-in-law...Jay Sheridan...had been killed!!!   My daughter's husband...my granddaughter's Daddy...and that night...I remember those that sat with ashes on their foreheads...a part of their faith...a Faith that Jesus died for our sins...even though we did not deserve...and I had faith that Jay a believer...not because he deserved...but because he believed.

I have a picture I took of fire...an intense fire that just seemed to capture me...and with my ashes theme decide to put verses on it...

The first verse I find is in Genesis...of Abraham talking to the LORD saying, "I who am nothing but dust and ashes have taken it upon myself to speak to the LORD."    Just little ole me...and I thought sometimes how though not Abraham...have thought how I am not anything but here I am talking to the LORD...

...and then the other in Daniel...Daniel...one who could tell what a dream meant...one who was fed to the lions and came out to tell of it...of one who put on his sackcloth...sat in his ashes and prayed...prayed for those around him...in his sadness...and today I have been reminded from past and present...how precious life is...how we don't know...and I look around us...and I read further in Daniel's Prayer it was referred to and think of the word I have been given lately..."Mercy"...and I think of our nation...our world...both big and small...and these words stick out of how we all ignore many commandments...but the biggest...to LOVE...but the words I read a prayer indeed...speaking from our ashes...not because we deserve...but because we ask for Mercy...

“Now, our God, hear the prayers of your servant. Listen to my prayer for help, and for your sake do good things for your holy place that is in ruins. My God, pay attention and hear me. Open your eyes and see all the terrible things that have happened to us. See how our lives have been ruined and what has happened to the city that is called by your name. We do not ask these things because we are good; instead, we ask because of Your mercy. Lord, listen! Lord, forgive! Lord, hear us and do something!   Daniel 9:17-19

I read something when looking on Ash Wednesday...something that sort of resonates with me...and there is an article with the date March 9...only 2014...as I search for ashes and sackcloth...because what exactly is sackcloth?   Or as the New Century Version translation calls it "rough cloth".   But I find an article from erortega.com...one not familiar with...but the words are just from the initial search where I read..."In the Bible, sackcloth, and ashes was worn as a sign of repentance for sin.  Simply put, sackcloth and ashes was an external demonstration for an internal condition.".    INTERNAL CONDITION...

Whoa and part of this faith that I cling to...is of repentance...of forgive us our trespasses...and forgiving others...of believing in Jesus...in His Love...in His Life...and there plays a song that does not add to the sadness and loss I have been reminded of from past and present...but that which makes this Faith I cling to...that those who believe will RISE!!!   And so I leave with a song that picks me up...

As I sing along and give an Amen....

Well I keep on coming to this place

That I don't know quite how to face

So I lay down my life in hopes to die

That somehow I might rise

Yes I will rise

Out of these ashes rise

From this trouble I have found

And this rubble on the ground

I will rise

Cause He Who is in me

Is greater than I will ever be

And I will rise

AMEN!

Peace Janie girl...

 

February 7, 2021

Yesterday…and just the word…can mean the day before today…or many days before today…a special friend from several yesterday’s ago…so long ago I still call her Janie…though many refer to her as Laura…or Laura Jane…she the youngest of six daughters to Tom and Mary…Her next sister in line…Nancy…my best friend in first grade was the one who gave me the news that Janie went to be with God…but here on your birthday I write today which is now tomorrow…That you would leave this earth the day before you came...I think of your dash...that line in between your dates...and a picture and verse had popped up and I had thought of your journey Janie…of your sisters…this one from my kitchen table from a few years back…but funny it should pop up…

And from my kitchen table The moon and a bright shining star...if you look close you see...And an angel on my table holds the peace stone. I read one of my life verses..."To give light to those who sit in darkness and the shadow of death. To guide our feet into the way of peace. Luke 1:79 TODAY'S FORECAST: When seeking....may you seek Peace...

Janie that little sister that did much with us.   I have a picture of her from Hanover grade school at the old country schoolhouse we all attended.   She adorable I am sure since birth!!!   I remember finding this picture and us laughing of the culotte days and that beautiful long hair…

And then the yesterday’s turn to today’s and tomorrow’s…and time and life passes so quickly and we lose touch with those that have been such a large part of our lives and often we freeze them at some point in time…with the Spencer girls…all 6 of them…each went off to Canon City to a different school when they went to high school...but then somewhere along the way we reconnected…and Janie and I talked about that time in between in a conversation she told me, “I know so many adult years missed but when I think of you it's your blonde blonde hair and piercing blue eyes and so much fun to hang out with.   Well when Nancy would let me. She'd always say after you'd leave...she's MY FRIEND not yours...Rude but always let me buddy in too.”  But those friends who knew you when...even when they knew you when you and her sister would laugh so hard we would not always make it to the bathroom...yet the point...we laughed...those friends who have memories of your mom holding them and singing to them when they were afraid...childhood friends...friendships that you keep in your heart...even if you do not get to know them in later years...

I learned of the "grown up" Janie…she had reached out I think on Facebook…(Facebook not always the greatest place...but I do appreciate connecting with "old" friends) but anyway we just kept writing…we shared “Girlfriends in God” and as I went back and read on her birthday...different writings back and forth…just the day after she had passed on…surrounded by her sisters…and I found something she had told me a few years ago in September of 2018…she had written,

“I remember that a friend going thru chemo...I'll be ok with either way it turns out. If I don't make it look what God has in store for us all if we believe. Happy Sunday muah!” ljs

And it was as if she was writing it this very Sunday…a message to many of us who grieve her leaving…and I came upon more of her writings that Janie and I had shared a few years ago, “Yes, I often go down the dark tunnel and then I pray that whatever lesson not learned to help me get through and gradually see the light and He is in control. I've been thinking a lot about death...I used to be really scared... now not so much. I know more than I used to and cherish every day.”

Cherish every day…that’s one to keep with us…and I think how Janie and I had started writing back and forth…before…before cancer…before Jay killed…and I laugh as we had an ongoing of the weeds getting in our gardens…but as I read through I laughed as one of her words of wisdom to me after sharing some story and she says, “What a story.. it is how you handle your fear, struggle whatever the case may be. Chin up and I love this saying move on like a dog cover that shit and carry on.”    Oh Laura Jane…I loved I got to know your fun side and include a favorite pic…just because you adorable even making faces at me…

And I think how our lives were intertwined…and I had written, “So this morning I was thinking of you and another friend and had said my friends with cancer in my writing. It was as though God slapped my hand and said WHAT!!! This is not how to describe My child...and so it made me think how we let cancer or many other things define us...so today I ask...how do you want to be defined!!! Lyp

Janie replied back to me…”Pretty! Beautiful Smart, gorgeous lol I'm kidding. Tougher than nails. Thank you for always thinking of me. Too many of us have cancer.   wth? We push thru it all but I do hate that saying fight. ..so the ones that die weren't fighting...ugh don't get me started…”

I think of her reply…and she all the things…but yes tougher than nails…to endure the time she went through what she went through…and I think of her sisters and mom…each being there in their own ways…I continue with some of her own words…because they touched me…and so I "borrow" a picture of her that a friend had captured and I told her made me just say Janie…her words…”We all have a hill, mountain or bump in the road.  What I know for sure is you pick yourself up and dust yourself off and try again.  It’s life.”  ljs

I am sure others know of her encouragement…She sent me different things and I came across this verse… “Let us therefore come boldly unto the throne of grace, that we may obtain mercy and find grace to help in time of need.” (Hebrews 4:16) Eagerly approach his throne and find help. He cares for you.”    During times when she going through a lot…she encouraged…even one of the last things written to me...a Love you Pen Pen and then I am fine...after she had met with the hospice...but then sometimes her words were a sort of kick in the butt…that even though we didn’t have many in person talks…and sometimes I think we would have never conversed of such things…me one to hold back and she says,

“Peace and joy. I think of an arrow...pulling it back you have to just let it go. Take the leap. God's with you for sure. Quit putting on the skids lol”    

Usually ending with laughter out loud…Janie encouraged me to write…and so...that is what I do as I think of you...

My heart is with her and her friends…I think of her “ya ya’s…  and especially her family...her mama who she loved dearly...her sisters... and especially my life-long friend Nancy…I know each of your hearts aching…yet knowing how blessed we all are…another couple pictures I steal…might be a little blurry because of copy and paste...but I love them all the same...

 

After I had heard you were gone…I took a walk around a pond as the sun set and a picture with a verse that had popped up from years ago…I think of it and then I add it to another...to your sunset as I watch a lone duck on this pond and the words come to me…Peace…and I give thanks to our God for you…for Jesus taking you home and giving you rest…and as I walked…I thought of your long beautiful hair and a picture in my mind of you riding full speed on a beautiful horse…with both mane’s flying…Oh Janie girl…until we see you again…thank you for being you…and thankful God shared you in our lives…lyp

 I had about forgot I wanted to include a song...by a singer we both loved...and guess there must be a reason... 

 

  

 

 

 

It's the least I could do...

 Sometimes in the early morning hours I lay there...part in sleep...part awake...in and out of prayer...many thoughts going through my mind...this morning was one of those mornings...the saying, "It is the least I can do".   Which put my mind in thought...of how often...this is the path I take...the least I can do instead of the "most" I can do.   Perhaps sometimes these are one and the same...yet usually they are not.

As of late, I have been touched by the loss of two special people...one a special friend...the other married to a special friend.    I being sick was unable to go be with them in person...not able to hug and comfort these special people...so I send texts and messages...the least I could do.   Yet I am reminded I also said a prayer which many times is the very most I can do.   

When I thought of this line...I was reminded of a writing in Matthew 25...of people saying when did we see You hungry LORD?  When did we see you thirsty?    And His reply was when you did it to the least of these...sometimes least is more...I a least...you a least...and in this writing it writes this thought two different ways...when you did it and then when you didn't...yet saying the same thing...

Thanksgiving is rapidly approaching...the harvest is upon us...I read more of this writing...these "letters" if you will...of the sheep and the goats...of being prepared with our oil and lamps...of using talents...A lot to think on as I read these words that seem to speak to my soul.

As I write...I listen to Crowder singing, "Get ready...all the stories are true."   These "stories"...these words that have taken life within me...me...the least of these...yet Jesus died for this least of these who shares her story...but it wasn't the least He could do...it was the "MOST" He could do...

TODAY'S FORECAST...Is it the least...or the most I could do?

lyp

Ode to Joy...Ode to Deb...

 I sit here and see I have started a few blogs and have not finished...but today...today I watch a video of "a celebration of life"...and sad that I am not there in person but my heart is there...I receive a text from Denise this morning and so glad she and her beautiful voice could be there...

Debbie Boomer Autry...Eva and Earl's beautiful daughter...wife and adored by Kelly...mama to Trent, Kimbra, and Whitney...grandmother to Zoe and Morgan...but to me...my beautiful friend who could make me laugh so hard...Blessed to know this part of this woman...my mind flashes so many memories friend...

I really not sure when I first met Deb?    I think PTA and Fun Friday's and going through life raising our kids...but then there comes a time you just connect.   It was these moments that the friendship starts...and then just like that...a forever friend...

My life highlight reel of Debbie is full.   Full of laughter, tears, memories...Some pictures I have captured but many just there in my heart.    A favorite was my daughter and I sitting next to her and Kimbra at Sonic...and Debbie with that accent trying to order extra ICE...you know for her Dr. Pepper.  And she is spelling it through the speaker with the other end trying to understand and Debbie getting frustrated.  Heather and I laughing so hard as she says, "ICE, I-C-E"...if you have heard her say it...you know what I am saying.   And I still just start laughing as I hear her saying it...and then can hear her say, "Ya'll are bein ugly!"  

Her "twin brother" my husband another story in and of itself...regarding Olive Garden...dry salmon...a manager coming to check on it only to go to another table and so Deb in her southern voice calling the manager over letting her know it was in fact her salmon that was "dryyyyy".    And she getting a complimentary meal and so Tim starts saying well what about his.   I jokingly tell the manager that they were twins separated at birth...which then the manager believes...and so Deb keeping that straight face just goes with it with a story to tell.   Her eyes twinkling and I of course as usual just laughing uncontrollably.

Her and Denise and I became special friends...I remember a Crowley County days they decide I should run for school board and begin my campaign throwing pennies from the car...my side still hurts from laughing...and with those two on your side...well I made the school board...Mr. Earl sightings...We three the "honky-tonk angels"...I more of the audience laugh track as I didn't wear my bow...watching on as we go to the Alamo Bowl and those two convince someone that they are singing during the Bowl game.    Of Debbie finding a name tag on that trip in which she became "Jane" our tour guide!   Oh one could just wind a little and watch her go.   Many special Friday nights...nights taken for granted that we would be going out to eat or running a concession stand...One of Deb's favorite places...Felisa's...and I find one of the three of us together...a little foggy but the three of us together...

We shared lots of laughter...but also other moments...raising children...weddings...loss of parents...and so much more...Probably a favorite memory was Whitney's wedding in Vegas...I was asked to take pics of before and after wedding...I put together a video...inspired by when we were watching the water fountain.   A fun and happy time...and I say to her family...remember these...

The last time I remember talking to Debbie...we talked of where we were in our lives.   Laughing about there being tents available in Denver and we could be neighbors...I laughing thinking that a homeless community would never be the same with her organizing and motivating everyone...and then a message from Kimbra...to pray and what was going on with her mom...then texting Deb only to get a reply from Kelly saying our girl is sick.   But thinking oh Deb...she always so tough...so alive...she will be better soon!  And then the call...the call that you don't want to get...the call that says she is gone and how you do not know what words to give as comfort because you are hurting yourself...and the tears still fall as I still find it hard to believe...oh my beautiful friend...I so thankful for your friendship.

I often get sights...pictures that remind me of someone...someone who has left...the day after finding of Debbie's passing...I was following my husband to the mechanic...we were traveling slow.   We came by some water that has some amazing views...and the fog was beginning to build and so I held up my phone and clicked...dirty window and all...yet this picture and the fog reminded me of we do not know what lies ahead...and though there is darkness and out of focus...there is more...there is blue skies and because of Jesus...a place called Heaven...and so I came across this verse...that I know my friend has conquered...and the words to "In Christ Alone" I include...

As I was in the shower this morning...this song came to mind...an older song...but we might be a little older...but I think that we share a faith...a love for Jesus...and so I know I will see this beautiful friend again.    I picture her in Heaven...singing away...and I think...friends are friends forever if the Lord's the Lord of them...

So I will see you later my friend...and to your family...I love you all so much and my heart is with you...may you have many moments of laughter...love and prayers...love you my friend!  lyp

Not goodbye...but see you later Dean...

Dear Dean,

Today your birthday…talking with your folks of the day you were born…your mom said it was raining so much and they were trying to get corn planted…and then she said the rain stopped and didn’t come…May 16, 1952.     Here we are 68 years later…and we are working on getting corn in and I am sure it brings back memories for them…

There was to be a celebration of your life today and hard to believe that so much has happened in the short time ago that you went to be with Jesus…and I think of your story.   What a story!   I have heard of becoming a new creation and know it is so…but I seen quite the amazing transformation in you…I seen relationships healed, bonds grown stronger, and you—you changed.   I have scattered verses throughout my Bible that I have written your name…

One place written in my Bible and my heart was John 3:16…”For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son.  That whosoever believeth in Him shall not perish but have Everlasting Life.”  I remember as I had been reading through the 30 days of John…and on this day I was in John 3.    I thinking of trials we had been through…of your boys living with us for part of their lives…and I remember my heart changed…of hearing a voice saying Dean is a “whosoever” as you are a “whosoever”.   So odd that all happened that I read there the day we went to visit you.   You sat there telling stories of different things and as you spoke you began speaking of wanting to hear from God but that He did not speak to you.   I remember you talking of Moses and his stick…and I remember praying that I hoped you heard from Him…

And as time went on…I remember you telling of your story…that you knew God spoke to you…of you never being the same…of us thinking that on that Christmas day we would say goodbye…BUT instead you went and celebrated with your family….God gave us another year plus… I marveled at the change…cancer…it has taken many away yet in many ways it has given stronger relationships…it has made one appreciate that which was taken for granted…and you were given the gift of peace…of love…of hope and of faith and Eternal Life.   There were moments that I will not forget in the journey…and for that I am thankful.  

I think of Kathy and how she stood by your side…and I admire her strength…and her love…and I think of her today as I pull up a picture of you and her…of her loving you since grade school…

 I think of your boys.  I think of Lucas leaving before you and so many emotions I know you all felt…but so thankful you got time with your boys…that I love you’s were said…and Tate and Brian…you hold a special place in my heart and my love is with you as you go through this loss.   You both there when I lost my dad…and I am sorry I couldn’t be with you.

I think of your Mom and Dad…of time you were given with them even though it is never long enough when it is your child.  On the one day we visited and toured I got a picture of you and your folks and Kathy and Tim…but I remember trying to capture the hugs you gave your folks as well…and how you and your Mom just held on.

My last memory of you was the day we moved your folks to come live with us and you came to check it out…and how we got a group picture of all...you next to your sister and the friendship that you two were given…and thinking of you coming and talking to the other Penni and I…and you putting your arm around us and saying my “Pennies”…and little did I know that we would have to let you both go…and though you were struggling…you posed with the group for the picture…a moment captured in time of a season gone by...

 It was at that time…I thought that I might not get to see you on this side again…but knowing in my heart that I would see you on the other side…and one of my favorite verses came up and I thought of you…and the journey you took.     I snapped a picture on the day you passed of the sunset…I was going to pick up my granddaughter and had not made the travels with your family as they tried to get to you but you decided to go on your own time…or actually God’s time…but I must say this moment when I was driving on that day…I could feel your peace.    I added to this picture the verse from Luke 1:79 as it seems so fitting of those last days...

I thank you for the lessons you taught me…for sharing some very Spirit filled moments that I will always remember.  What a journey Dean Pfeiff…and now you are at home with God!   I will see you on the other side…

Love,

Penny