Oh Firecracker...

If this seems like more scattered than usual...it seems to be that the computer wants to jumble around in addition to my usual jumbling...but I try again...


Firework display at Limon part were for Jay (picture off my phone)



Some of you may wonder FIRECRACKER...well last night I was reminded again why that little precious package is a FIRECRACKER to me...   When Heather became pregnant there was debate as to whether this little one she was carrying was a boy or a girl and Heather and Jay being Heather and Jay chose not to find out but to wait and see what this precious gift from God would be when she arrived.   Well I of course needed to call "her" something (okay you might see what I thought the gender might be)...but since she was due close to the 4th of July...I chose to call her Firecracker.  So when I would touch my daughter's tummy I would call the little miracle inside of her "Firecracker."

I came across this picture in looking for another and thought it was such a special picture...Yes Isabel your daddy loved you before you even got here.  I love the expression on his face as he is holding on to you and your mama!   I am not going to lie...this picture definitely brought tears...but it also said so much that it could not go unshared.   This one will be in a frame for Firecracker and her mama...

So I go back to my theme...OH FIRECRACKER!    So Saturday was the day we were going to celebrate Izzy's birthday...Pool, Park, Party...friends showed up...so you know that it is going to be a wild party when there is like eight (going with the P theme) POLICE attending a two year old's party...yes some in uniform!   We had other family and friends there as well...and then who should show up...BUT the rain!   Well the way that it has been so dry...we cannot wish the rain to stop...and perhaps Izzy could start having pool parties around.   The rain did not last long but the pool portion fell through...which made a very sad little Isabel who was so set on swimming.   So thanks Pam and Wes for offering up your pool and your home!   You guys are something special!   Part left the party and some followed over to the alternate pool...even though the weather a little chilly...and the one who wanted to swim ended up getting out quickly due to "P"urple lips and the Pool was cleared soon because of  Puke....but that's another story!!

But still a special day...a few snapshots that make me smile...of course my battery went dead so there are pictures I didn't get to take...but isn't that how it is...Jay's sister Autumn told me once and I know I don't have word for word because hers sounded so much better but...it's not the memories made...but the ones that we weren't able to make that are the hardest.

Izzy in the bag...

So back to Firecracker...yesterday we headed back to Limon.   We stopped by a friend of Heather and Jay's and now friends of ours for another birthday party for little Jose...Happy first birthday!!   Then we went to the football field where Jay was honored with a plaque from the Military Order of the Purple Heart and then they dedicated part of the fireworks to him.   Was so fitting as he LOVED fireworks and FIRECRACKERS!   A perfect night sitting in the grass with family and friends...

One moment during the fireworks Carrie Underwood's All American Girl played over the loud speaker All American Girl by Carrie Underwood .  I have always thought of Heather on that song and then Izzy...about how she melted her daddy's heart.   But as tears were in my eyes I looked over and seen the tears in Heather's as well as the fireworks boomed in the background and then...there it was...one of those moments.   The little girl who had been staring at the fireworks turns her back to them and starts loving and kissing on her mom.  It was SOOOO her daddy.  I can think of the times that Heather would be about to cry or possibly upset...and Jay would turn on that same thing I seen Izzy doing and her tears are then smiles...Oh ya her daddy was there at the fireworks in the shape of one little FIRECRACKER!!

Then it was back to the fireworks...propped back in her stroller for part of them just breathing them all in.   Was a special time to stop and think of Jay and I think how he is missed in all of these events...I sat at my kitchen table I wrote in my journal after Izzy's birthday party...to set up the scene I have some black birds that seem to just annoy and steal the dog food...Jay always would clear out these birds...and so I write...

"Again the birds seem to try and overtake the day and I wish for Jay to be here to blast them with his gun and make them leave us alone...as I write this I realize that is how I want all of this that a fire would sound and it would stop...that we would all of a sudden go back to where we were--But I know that is not how this works.  Jay is gone!  Isabel does not have her daddy here but last night as she was in the swing she semed to watch to the sky--though trying not to go to sleep and fight it off there seemed more to me as though she was connected with one I could not see--but could feel a presence amongst us and I wonder how Jay is and I think he is happy but I also wonder how life going on without him is.  Does he even realize--I see all those gathered and many of the cops that were there were there to honor as if to say we are here even though a two year old birthday party is not high on the list for a Saturday night.  And tears stream down my face as I think how Jay would have changed the whole feel if he were there--but the fact is HE WASN'T and I guess I am struggling with feeling that life changes and no matter how tightly I try to hold on and keep it in one place it is not mine to stop--because water that does not flow becomes stagnant.  It must continue on towards the ocean to where it is ultimately intended to go.  But the purest moments is the rain drop and the snow flake as they land upon the mountain tops and they are allowed that precious moment in time where life is pure...life as a child...and I see that many of my readings and teachings take me to that place.  Do not let me lose that pure and untouched place that is a part of me no matter where I travel--Be still and know that I am God--these words seem to comfort me and I give thanks again for this time at my kitchen table as I continue to write my thoughts and feelings for what ultimate purpose I do not know!  And I read 2 Peter 3:5.

"For this they willfully forget: that by the word of God the heavens were of old, and the earth standing out of water and in the water, by which the world that then existed perished, being flooded with water."

3:8 goes on to say,

"But, beloved, do not forget this one thing that with the Lord one day is a thousand years and a thousand years as one day.  The Lord is not slack concerning this promise, as some count slackness, but is long suffering toward us, not willing that any should perish but that all should come to repentance."  

And I think of this note card I received and the picture on it of a Thomas Kincade, "Bridge of Faith", and I think how I would like to find this print to hang on my office wall...but the part is that I had this picture and then my God Calling (Two Listeners) had the following words...

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                   

"Does the way seem a stony one?  Not one stone can impede your progress.  Courage.  Face the future, but face it only with a brave and happy heart.  Do not seek to see it.  YOU are robbing Faith of her sublime sweetness if you do this.

Just know that all is well and that Faith, not seeing, but believing is the barque that will bear you to safety, over the stormy waters. 'According to your faith be it unto you' was My injunction to those who sought healing of Me.
If for wonder-working, if for healing, if for salvation faith was so necessary then the reason is clear why I urged that all who sought entrance to My Kingdom must become as little children.  Faith is the child attitude.

Seek in every way to become childlike.  Seek, seek, seek until you find, until the years have added to your nature that of the trusting child.  Not only for its simple trust must you copy the child-spirit, but for its joy in life, its ready laughter, its lack of criticim, its dsire to share all with all men.  Ask much that you may becomes as little children, friendly and loving towards all--not critical, not fearful. 

Except ye...become as little children, ye shall not enter into the kingdom of heaven." 

And this one picture seems to say so much...but more than that I take this theme and come back to thinking of that precious little Firecracker and that childlike Joy she brings to our lives and I give thanks!  And as always there are songs in the back ground and the song, "The words that I would say." by Sidewalk Prophets plays:   The Words That I Would Say

Three in the morning,

And I'm still awake,

So I picked up a pen and a page,

And I started writing,

Just what I'd say,

If we were face to face,

I'd tell you just what you mean to me,

I'd tell you these simple truths,

Be strong in the Lord and,

Never give up hope,

You're going to do great things,

I already know,

God's got His hand on you so,

Don't live life in fear,

Forgive and forget,

But don't forget why you're here,

Take your time and pray,

These are the words I would say,

Last time we spoke,

You said you were hurting,

And I felt your pain in my heart,

I want to tell you,

That I keep on praying,

Love will find you where you are,

I know cause I've already been there,

So please hear these simple truths,

Be strong in the Lord and,

Never give up hope,

You're going to do great things,

I already know,

God's got His hand on you so,

Don't live life in fear,

Forgive and forget,

But don't forget why you're here,

Take your time and pray,

These are the words I would say,

From one simple life to another,

I will say,

Come find peace in the Father,

Be strong in the Lord and,

Never give up hope,

You're going to do great things,

I already know,

God's got His hand on you so,

Don't live life in fear,

Forgive and forget,

But don't forget why you're here,

Take your time and pray,

Thank God for each day,

His love will find a way,

These are the words I would say



So I say Happy 4th of July and stop and watch the "fireworks" of life...Be thankful for this great country that we live in "One Nation Under God!"   God bless you and God bless America!   And God be with that precious FIRECRACKER and all I love!!