A day behind...as it is now the first day of Spring...yesterday after a beautiful walk by the pond I had written...
Farewell to Winter…as I walk
around the pond and listen to the serenade of the birds…a lone duck swims
across and almost as it seems to see me…it retreats…I look at my barn…no it is
not mine…but it is one I love to walk past.It still covered in snow…though it continues to melt away and give way
for precious moisture for the coming growth of spring time…SPRING…a new season…one
of new life…new birth…and I ponder my favorite…and it very well could be…though
I love fall…it is one of goodbye…of harvest…even though I think perhaps I in
the fall of my life…yet still bouts of Spring seem to emerge…
Winter is past I read in Song of Solomon...and so I place it on the snow covered barn picture that appears as though a chilly winter when in fact...the sun shining!
And a few other pics I capture on my phone...a glimpse of the moment...and prayers for the new season that awaits...may we enjoy the spring time...may we be made new...the grass is coming...breathe in the season!!!
Today...Ash Wednesday...first day of Lent...and I not one who really knew much of Lent other than my friends I remember would "give up something"...and 10 years ago I did not know anything of Ash Wednesday...10 years ago...Ash Wednesday...and though it is not March 9, 2011...it does bring back memories...
On the morn of Ash Wednesday...10 years ago...just another day of going to work. Yet it was different in the fact that I had an experience that I may have not shared with many...though now the words seem to come out on my paper. I had a picture come to my mind...a dream if you will...though I wide awake. I don't know what it was...but I felt it to my core. In this vision of sorts...I seen people reaching out from the ground...reaching towards me saying, "Why didn't you tell me!" And as they reached...they cried out...as though reaching from their graves...
And then...that evening...the call came...the call that was as none I had ever received and pray never to receive again...the news that my son-in-law...Jay Sheridan...had been killed!!! My daughter's husband...my granddaughter's Daddy...and that night...I remember those that sat with ashes on their foreheads...a part of their faith...a Faith that Jesus died for our sins...even though we did not deserve...and I had faith that Jay a believer...not because he deserved...but because he believed.
I have a picture I took of fire...an intense fire that just seemed to capture me...and with my ashes theme decide to put verses on it...
The first verse I find is in Genesis...of Abraham talking to the LORD saying, "I who am nothing but dust and ashes have taken it upon myself to speak to the LORD." Just little ole me...and I thought sometimes how though not Abraham...have thought how I am not anything but here I am talking to the LORD...
...and then the other in Daniel...Daniel...one who could tell what a dream meant...one who was fed to the lions and came out to tell of it...of one who put on his sackcloth...sat in his ashes and prayed...prayed for those around him...in his sadness...and today I have been reminded from past and present...how precious life is...how we don't know...and I look around us...and I read further in Daniel's Prayer it was referred to and think of the word I have been given lately..."Mercy"...and I think of our nation...our world...both big and small...and these words stick out of how we all ignore many commandments...but the biggest...to LOVE...but the words I read a prayer indeed...speaking from our ashes...not because we deserve...but because we ask for Mercy...
“Now, our God, hear the prayers of your servant. Listen to my prayer for help, and for your sake do good things for your holy place that is in ruins. My God, pay attention and hear me. Open your eyes and see all the terrible things that have happened to us. See how our lives have been ruined and what has happened to the city that is called by your name. We do not ask these things because we are good; instead, we ask because of Your mercy. Lord, listen! Lord, forgive! Lord, hear us and do something! Daniel 9:17-19
I read something when looking on Ash Wednesday...something that sort of resonates with me...and there is an article with the date March 9...only 2014...as I search for ashes and sackcloth...because what exactly is sackcloth? Or as the New Century Version translation calls it "rough cloth". But I find an article from erortega.com...one not familiar with...but the words are just from the initial search where I read..."In the Bible, sackcloth, and ashes was worn as a sign of repentance for sin. Simply put, sackcloth and ashes was an external demonstration for an internal condition.". INTERNAL CONDITION...
Whoa and part of this faith that I cling to...is of repentance...of forgive us our trespasses...and forgiving others...of believing in Jesus...in His Love...in His Life...and there plays a song that does not add to the sadness and loss I have been reminded of from past and present...but that which makes this Faith I cling to...that those who believe will RISE!!! And so I leave with a song that picks me up...
Yesterday…and just the word…can mean the day before today…or
many days before today…a special friend from several yesterday’s ago…so long
ago I still call her Janie…though many refer to her as Laura…or Laura Jane…she
the youngest of six daughters to Tom and Mary…Her next sister in line…Nancy…my best friend in first
grade was the one who gave me the news that Janie went to be with God…but here on your birthday I write today which is now tomorrow…That you would leave this earth the day before you came...I think of your dash...that line in between your dates...and a
picture and verse had popped up and I had thought of your journey Janie…of your
sisters…this one from my kitchen table from a few years back…but funny it should pop up…
And
from my kitchen table The moon and a bright shining star...if you look close
you see...And an angel on my table holds the peace stone. I read one of my life
verses..."To give light to those who sit in darkness and the shadow of
death. To guide our feet into the way of peace. Luke 1:79 TODAY'S FORECAST:
When seeking....may you seek Peace...
Janie that little sister that did much
with us. I have a picture of her from
Hanover grade school at the old country schoolhouse we all attended. She adorable I am sure since birth!!! I remember finding this picture and us laughing
of the culotte days and that beautiful long hair…
And then the yesterday’s turn to today’s and tomorrow’s…and
time and life passes so quickly and we lose touch with those that have been
such a large part of our lives and often we freeze them at some point in time…with
the Spencer girls…all 6 of them…each went off to Canon City to a different
school when they went to high school...but then somewhere along the way we
reconnected…and Janie and I talked about that time in between in a conversation
she told me, “I know so many adult years missed but when I think of you it's
your blonde blonde hair and piercing blue eyes and so much fun to hang out
with. Well when Nancy would let me.
She'd always say after you'd leave...she's MY FRIEND not yours...Rude but
always let me buddy in too.” But those friends who knew you when...even when they knew you when you and her sister would laugh so hard we would not always make it to the bathroom...yet the point...we laughed...those friends who have memories of your mom holding them and singing to them when they were afraid...childhood friends...friendships that you keep in your heart...even if you do not get to know them in later years...
I learned of the "grown up" Janie…she had reached out I think
on Facebook…(Facebook not always the greatest place...but I do appreciate connecting with "old" friends) but anyway we just kept writing…we shared “Girlfriends in God” and as
I went back and read on her birthday...different writings back and forth…just the day after she had passed on…surrounded
by her sisters…and I found something she had told me a few years ago in September
of 2018…she had written,
“I remember that a friend going
thru chemo...I'll be ok with either way it turns out. If I don't make it look
what God has in store for us all if we believe. Happy Sunday muah!” ljs
And it was as if she was writing it this very Sunday…a
message to many of us who grieve her leaving…and I came upon more of her
writings that Janie and I had shared a few years ago, “Yes, I often go down the
dark tunnel and then I pray that whatever lesson not learned to help me get
through and gradually see the light and He is in control. I've been thinking
a lot about death...I used to be really scared... now not so much. I know more
than I used to and cherish every day.”
Cherish
every day…that’s one to keep with us…and I think how Janie and I had started
writing back and forth…before…before cancer…before Jay killed…and I laugh as we
had an ongoing of the weeds getting in our gardens…but as I read through I
laughed as one of her words of wisdom to me after sharing some story and she
says, “What a story.. it is how you handle your fear, struggle whatever the
case may be. Chin up and I love this saying move on like a dog cover that shit
and carry on.”Oh Laura Jane…I
loved I got to know your fun side and include a favorite pic…just because you
adorable even making faces at me…
And I think how our lives were intertwined…and I had written, “So this morning I was thinking of you and another friend and had said
my friends with cancer in my writing. It was as though God slapped my hand and
said WHAT!!! This is not how to describe My child...and so it made me think how
we let cancer or many other things define us...so today I ask...how do you want
to be defined!!! Lyp
Janie replied back to me…”Pretty!
Beautiful Smart, gorgeous lol I'm kidding. Tougher than nails. Thank you for
always thinking of me. Too many of us have cancer.wth?
We push thru it all but I do hate that saying fight. ..so the ones that die
weren't fighting...ugh don't get me started…”
I think of her reply…and she all the things…but yes tougher
than nails…to endure the time she went through what she went through…and I
think of her sisters and mom…each being there in their own ways…I continue with
some of her own words…because they touched me…and so I "borrow" a picture of
her that a friend had captured and I told her made me just say Janie…her words…”We all have a hill,
mountain or bump in the road.What I know
for sure is you pick yourself up and dust yourself off and try again.It’s life.”ljs
I am sure others know of her encouragement…She sent
me different things and I came across this verse… “Let us therefore come boldly
unto the throne of grace, that we may obtain mercy and find grace to help in
time of need.” (Hebrews 4:16) Eagerly approach his throne and find help. He
cares for you.” During times when she
going through a lot…she encouraged…even one of the last things written to me...a Love you Pen Pen and then I am fine...after she had met with the hospice...but then sometimes her words were a sort of kick in the butt…that even
though we didn’t have many in person talks…and sometimes I think we would have
never conversed of such things…me one to hold back and she says,
“Peace and
joy. I think of an arrow...pulling it back you have to just let it go. Take the
leap. God's with you for sure. Quit putting on the skids lol”
Usually ending with laughter out loud…Janie
encouraged me to write…and so...that is what I do as I think of you...
My heart is with her and her friends…I think of her “ya ya’s… and especially her family...her mama who she loved dearly...her sisters... and especially my life-long friend Nancy…I know each of your hearts aching…yet knowing how blessed we all are…another couple pictures I steal…might be a little blurry because of copy and paste...but I love them all the same...
After I had heard you
were gone…I took a walk around a pond as the sun set and a picture with a verse
that had popped up from years ago…I think of it and then I add it to another...to your sunset as I watch a lone duck on this pond and the words come to me…Peace…and
I give thanks to our God for you…for Jesus taking you home and giving you rest…and
as I walked…I thought of your long beautiful hair and a picture in my mind of
you riding full speed on a beautiful horse…with both mane’s flying…Oh Janie
girl…until we see you again…thank you for being you…and thankful God shared you
in our lives…lyp
I had about forgot I wanted to include a song...by a singer we both loved...and guess there must be a reason...
Sometimes in the early morning hours I lay there...part in sleep...part awake...in and out of prayer...many thoughts going through my mind...this morning was one of those mornings...the saying, "It is the least I can do". Which put my mind in thought...of how often...this is the path I take...the least I can do instead of the "most" I can do. Perhaps sometimes these are one and the same...yet usually they are not.
As of late, I have been touched by the loss of two special people...one a special friend...the other married to a special friend. I being sick was unable to go be with them in person...not able to hug and comfort these special people...so I send texts and messages...the least I could do. Yet I am reminded I also said a prayer which many times is the very most I can do.
When I thought of this line...I was reminded of a writing in Matthew 25...of people saying when did we see You hungry LORD? When did we see you thirsty? And His reply was when you did it to the least of these...sometimes least is more...I a least...you a least...and in this writing it writes this thought two different ways...when you did it and then when you didn't...yet saying the same thing...
Thanksgiving is rapidly approaching...the harvest is upon us...I read more of this writing...these "letters" if you will...of the sheep and the goats...of being prepared with our oil and lamps...of using talents...A lot to think on as I read these words that seem to speak to my soul.
As I write...I listen to Crowder singing, "Get ready...all the stories are true." These "stories"...these words that have taken life within me...me...the least of these...yet Jesus died for this least of these who shares her story...but it wasn't the least He could do...it was the "MOST" He could do...
TODAY'S FORECAST...Is it the least...or the most I could do?
I sit here and see I have started a few blogs and have not finished...but today...today I watch a video of "a celebration of life"...and sad that I am not there in person but my heart is there...I receive a text from Denise this morning and so glad she and her beautiful voice could be there...
Debbie Boomer Autry...Eva and Earl's beautiful daughter...wife and adored by Kelly...mama to Trent, Kimbra, and Whitney...grandmother to Zoe and Morgan...but to me...my beautiful friend who could make me laugh so hard...Blessed to know this part of this woman...my mind flashes so many memories friend...
I really not sure when I first met Deb? I think PTA and Fun Friday's and going through life raising our kids...but then there comes a time you just connect. It was these moments that the friendship starts...and then just like that...a forever friend...
My life highlight reel of Debbie is full. Full of laughter, tears, memories...Some pictures I have captured but many just there in my heart. A favorite was my daughter and I sitting next to her and Kimbra at Sonic...and Debbie with that accent trying to order extra ICE...you know for her Dr. Pepper. And she is spelling it through the speaker with the other end trying to understand and Debbie getting frustrated. Heather and I laughing so hard as she says, "ICE, I-C-E"...if you have heard her say it...you know what I am saying. And I still just start laughing as I hear her saying it...and then can hear her say, "Ya'll are bein ugly!"
Her "twin brother" my husband another story in and of itself...regarding Olive Garden...dry salmon...a manager coming to check on it only to go to another table and so Deb in her southern voice calling the manager over letting her know it was in fact her salmon that was "dryyyyy". And she getting a complimentary meal and so Tim starts saying well what about his. I jokingly tell the manager that they were twins separated at birth...which then the manager believes...and so Deb keeping that straight face just goes with it with a story to tell. Her eyes twinkling and I of course as usual just laughing uncontrollably.
Her and Denise and I became special friends...I remember a Crowley County days they decide I should run for school board and begin my campaign throwing pennies from the car...my side still hurts from laughing...and with those two on your side...well I made the school board...Mr. Earl sightings...We three the "honky-tonk angels"...I more of the audience laugh track as I didn't wear my bow...watching on as we go to the Alamo Bowl and those two convince someone that they are singing during the Bowl game. Of Debbie finding a name tag on that trip in which she became "Jane" our tour guide! Oh one could just wind a little and watch her go. Many special Friday nights...nights taken for granted that we would be going out to eat or running a concession stand...One of Deb's favorite places...Felisa's...and I find one of the three of us together...a little foggy but the three of us together...
We shared lots of laughter...but also other moments...raising children...weddings...loss of parents...and so much more...Probably a favorite memory was Whitney's wedding in Vegas...I was asked to take pics of before and after wedding...I put together a video...inspired by when we were watching the water fountain. A fun and happy time...and I say to her family...remember these...
The last time I remember talking to Debbie...we talked of where we were in our lives. Laughing about there being tents available in Denver and we could be neighbors...I laughing thinking that a homeless community would never be the same with her organizing and motivating everyone...and then a message from Kimbra...to pray and what was going on with her mom...then texting Deb only to get a reply from Kelly saying our girl is sick. But thinking oh Deb...she always so tough...so alive...she will be better soon! And then the call...the call that you don't want to get...the call that says she is gone and how you do not know what words to give as comfort because you are hurting yourself...and the tears still fall as I still find it hard to believe...oh my beautiful friend...I so thankful for your friendship.
I often get sights...pictures that remind me of someone...someone who has left...the day after finding of Debbie's passing...I was following my husband to the mechanic...we were traveling slow. We came by some water that has some amazing views...and the fog was beginning to build and so I held up my phone and clicked...dirty window and all...yet this picture and the fog reminded me of we do not know what lies ahead...and though there is darkness and out of focus...there is more...there is blue skies and because of Jesus...a place called Heaven...and so I came across this verse...that I know my friend has conquered...and the words to "In Christ Alone" I include...
As I was in the shower this morning...this song came to mind...an older song...but we might be a little older...but I think that we share a faith...a love for Jesus...and so I know I will see this beautiful friend again. I picture her in Heaven...singing away...and I think...friends are friends forever if the Lord's the Lord of them...
So I will see you later my friend...and to your family...I love you all so much and my heart is with you...may you have many moments of laughter...love and prayers...love you my friend! lyp
Today your birthday…talking with your folks of the day you were born…your mom said it was raining so much and they were trying to get corn planted…and then she said the rain stopped and didn’t come…May 16, 1952. Here we are 68 years later…and we are working on getting corn in and I am sure it brings back memories for them…
There was to be a celebration of your life today and hard to believe that so much has happened in the short time ago that you went to be with Jesus…and I think of your story. What a story! I have heard of becoming a new creation and know it is so…but I seen quite the amazing transformation in you…I seen relationships healed, bonds grown stronger, and you—you changed. I have scattered verses throughout my Bible that I have written your name…
One place written in my Bible and my heart was John 3:16…”For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son. That whosoever believeth in Him shall not perish but have Everlasting Life.” I remember as I had been reading through the 30 days of John…and on this day I was in John 3. I thinking of trials we had been through…of your boys living with us for part of their lives…and I remember my heart changed…of hearing a voice saying Dean is a “whosoever” as you are a “whosoever”. So odd that all happened that I read there the day we went to visit you. You sat there telling stories of different things and as you spoke you began speaking of wanting to hear from God but that He did not speak to you. I remember you talking of Moses and his stick…and I remember praying that I hoped you heard from Him…
And as time went on…I remember you telling of your story…that you knew God spoke to you…of you never being the same…of us thinking that on that Christmas day we would say goodbye…BUT instead you went and celebrated with your family….God gave us another year plus… I marveled at the change…cancer…it has taken many away yet in many ways it has given stronger relationships…it has made one appreciate that which was taken for granted…and you were given the gift of peace…of love…of hope and of faith and Eternal Life. There were moments that I will not forget in the journey…and for that I am thankful.
I think of Kathy and how she stood by your side…and I admire her strength…and her love…and I think of her today as I pull up a picture of you and her…of her loving you since grade school…
I think of your boys. I think of Lucas leaving before you and so many emotions I know you all felt…but so thankful you got time with your boys…that I love you’s were said…and Tate and Brian…you hold a special place in my heart and my love is with you as you go through this loss. You both there when I lost my dad…and I am sorry I couldn’t be with you.
I think of your Mom and Dad…of time you were given with them even though it is never long enough when it is your child. On the one day we visited and toured I got a picture of you and your folks and Kathy and Tim…but I remember trying to capture the hugs you gave your folks as well…and how you and your Mom just held on.
My last memory of you was the day we moved your folks to come live with us and you came to check it out…and how we got a group picture of all...you next to your sister and the friendship that you two were given…and thinking of you coming and talking to the other Penni and I…and you putting your arm around us and saying my “Pennies”…and little did I know that we would have to let you both go…and though you were struggling…you posed with the group for the picture…a moment captured in time of a season gone by...
It was at that time…I thought that I might not get to see you on this side again…but knowing in my heart that I would see you on the other side…and one of my favorite verses came up and I thought of you…and the journey you took. I snapped a picture on the day you passed of the sunset…I was going to pick up my granddaughter and had not made the travels with your family as they tried to get to you but you decided to go on your own time…or actually God’s time…but I must say this moment when I was driving on that day…I could feel your peace. I added to this picture the verse from Luke 1:79 as it seems so fitting of those last days...
I thank you for the lessons you taught me…for sharing some very Spirit filled moments that I will always remember. What a journey Dean Pfeiff…and now you are at home with God! I will see you on the other side…
It has been some time since I decided to write here in this blogdom...and though the old kitchen table remains...I have found new places to write...to create...and this morning my kitchen counter I guess you could call it...the bar? It a place of light and seeing the comings and goings...a happy place...and my view...though not right now...looks out into the field which is now filled with rye and cattle...I love that it has so much green reminding me of spring...
Spring and I think of this new season that is upon us...this unknown territory. And I watch. I think of these cows...quarantined if you will. They fearful to go to new places...though the new places are a safe place.
This morning I given a word...I am not sure why I receive these words though often I figure out...sometimes just to ponder. But this word--Aspiration. Now I do not really use this word and not completely certain of the definition which also gives me something to ponder...and so I look it up.
1.a
hope or ambition of achieving something:" the yawning gulf
between aspiration and reality"
2.the
action or process of drawing breath.
Both of these seem to hit. The first as I think of my purpose...I had listened to a man confined to a hospital room with no one to talk to him...and God sent a cleaner...this man had an accent it seemed Irish. Anyway he gave a testimony and how his life was touched by the man who cleaned the rooms. I think of how we don't have to touch every life...but if we just touch one life...that a hope...an ambition if you will. Which brings the next definition of drawing breath...drawing breath...and perhaps it should be with each breath we draw...may we achieve something. Sometimes it may just be doing that daily thing you do...yet it is achievement.
I had read in Jesus Calling by Sarah Young this morning of: "I have planted Peace in the garden of your heart, where I live; but there are weeds growing there too: pride, worry, selfishness, unbelief. I am the Gardener, and I am working in various ways. When you sit quietly with Me, I shine the Light of My Presence directly into your heart. In this heavenly Light, Peace grows abundantly and weeds shrivel up. I also send trials into your life. When you trust Me in the midst of trouble, Peace flourishes and weeds die away."
Tis the season of spring of gardening. Throwing out those weeds that threaten that which is intended to live abundantly. I had read verses this morning...in the New King James Version there is usually a title...this one says: "Seeing the Invisible"...
Therefore we do not lose heart. Even though our outward man is perishing, yet the inward man is being renewed day by day. For our light affliction, which is but for a moment, is working for us a far more exceeding and eternal weight of glory, while we do not look at the things which are seen, but at the things which are not seen. For the things which are seen are temporary, but things which are not seen are eternal. 2 Corinthians 4:16-18
This written by Paul and I had read something this morning of Paul who was quarantined...and yet how many people he reached talking of Jesus...his "letters" are cherished writings in the Bible...he did not have the social media platforms we have today...yet he shared the love of Jesus and here I sit at my kitchen "table" reading his words of not losing heart.
And there are so many things before us that we are missing...longing for...and we are afraid because people can die and I know this is true. Yet in our life before this season...didn't we do things quite often from which we could die...death something we all will do...they say your chances are 1 in 1. And I do not try to make light of what is before us. However, I have watched people with cancer...and other battles for life...for breath...told they have days to live...who seem to live life with hmmm...aspiration...with each breath...with purpose...because they did not know when their last day would be.
And here we have been given opportunity to be close with those we love. We are allowed to continue to communicate in a way many of us usually do on our phones...computers...yet now we long for face to face...for hugs...for sharing a meal...and maybe the bigger question is are we thankful? Are we living as such that if this were the day...would we be ready? I came across an old sunrise picture from days gone by that I had added words and just spoke to me...
And so a new day...today that green grass had covered with white...but the storm has passed for now. I think of an old Jessie Coulter song (she married to Waylon Jennings...okay maybe you don't remember...) But it was storms never last do they baby...and this one of those storms...so hang on and keep your faith...love your people...and try not to worry...so with that said I say good night...and thanks for listening in to my rambles and taking a little bike ride...God bless you and keep you! lyp
